Body Image

SO..... yesterday was my 6 month anniversary, and to celebrate my -80 pounds lost, I decided to go shopping. I ended up finding an incredibly cute and sexy black dress to wear to a wedding on Valentine's day, so it was a success in that respect, but otherwise I kind of had a hard time with it! Everytime I walked into a "regular" store, I felt like the clerks were eyeballing me like "uh, honey, you're too big for anything in here"... the funny thing is that I easily fit into a size 12 now, so I know that they weren't actually doing it, but I felt like I so did NOT belong in there with all of the "regular" people. I could actually feel my heart racing every time I forced myself into the stores, and I would avoid eye contact at all costs, walk around the store really quickly, and then race the heck out of there. I really felt like I shouldn't be going in there. When the clerks would ask if I needed any help, I wanted to say, "oh, I'm just looking for a gift for my skinny friend", but instead I just would say "uh, no, thanks." It's weird because I know we all are kind of going through this body image thing where we're still seeing our old selves. Every time someone compliments me on my weightloss, I get embarrassed and try to play it down, like as though I've only lost 10 pounds or so. It's crazy!!! Inside I feel like shouting to the world--- "LOOK AT ME NOW!!!" But in reality, I don't think I want anyone to notice my weightloss sometimes. Part of me thinks it's because I had a hard time accepting the fact that I was obese in the first place. In my eyes, I was a big girl, but couldn't possibly be morbidly obese... I even thought my surgeon might turn me down for surgery saying I didn't need it!!! The other thing is that I had a hard time telling anyone I had the surgery... most of my friends and family think I've been exercising and dieting like hell--- and I have, but of course I've had help, too!!! The other thing is that I still think I look the same when I take off all of my clothes... the saggy skin is horrible... I'm definitely going to need plastic surgery... it's hard to feel sexy with a big pot of skin sagging between your legs and over your belly... and of course I think everyone in the world can see right through my clothing! Oh well. I know all of this will pass with time. I've just been re-analyzing the effects of the surgery the past couple of days with the anniversary and all.... it's just weird how my psyche has dealt with it all. Are any of you going through the same thing???? Almost feeling like we've cheated??? I know we haven't, but sometimes I feel a lot of guilt over my success... at any rate, it's AWESOME being able to go to regular stores again and shop like a regular person.......... I know in time it will become second nature to me, I just hope I never forget what it feels like to be "the fat girl". Lots of love, Dawn

I know what you mean! When I am walking down the hall sometimes I have to reach out and feel my hipbones, I mean I can actually feel them and rib bones, and collar bones! I know in my head that I have lost weight, but I don't feel it when I look down and see all the weight still on my belly! Susie

I am so there with you. Almost like you took the words out of my mouth. I think I would almost rather have a thight lift before my boobs. A good bra can do wonders, but my thighs, YUCK!

I understand where you're coming from...you're not alone in feeling the way that you do. It's harder than I ever thought it would be and, yeah it's hard to tell friends and co-workers that I had gastric bypass. Somehow I feel like I've cheated a little. In reality this is hard work for me and nothing about this has been easy. I haven't had any complications and I'm losing my weight quite nicely. Sometimes I feel like my mind is off track...I feel fat inside and sometimes I'm amazed at how things fit me now. I've went from a tight 24 to a 14. Go figure! Kelli 255/187/140