Do you SEE the new you?

Hi all, I posted this on the main board, but wanted to know what my fellow August friends think. As I am sure everyone on this board did, I researched WLS day and night before actually having it. I came to this board a zillion times per day, as well as other boards. I read all about the pros, cons, complications possibilities, etc. I remember reading that some people look in the mirror and see their "old" self, even after significant loss. And to be honest, I didn't believe this. I thought people were full of it when they would say that; either out of modesty, or being uncomfortable with compliments or just plain attention seeking behavior....you know the type, "Don't I look HUGE in these size 2 jeans?" Well, I now know that there truly is an issue after this surgery with self-perception. The scale is telling me I have lost (106 lbs since January 2004; 70 lbs plus since WLS in August 2004). My friends, family, co-workers, etc, all tell me the difference is amazing. I have gone from size 22W/24W to a 14 in misses. A consistent 14....not just because the manufactorer made an odd 14 too big. And to be hoenst, the 14's are lose at this point. So, I know the facts. The facts are that I have lost a crap load of weight. But I don't see it when I look in the mirror. I just don't. I have one friend who continuously says to me, "Come on, now. You seriously don't see the difference? How is that possible?" The only time I "see" it is when I look at before and after pics of myself side by side. But when I look in the mirror, I DON'T SEE IT! I really, really don't. One of WLS friends, who had her surgery in April 2004, looks incredible. Already at goal; beautiful. I remember when I told her how amazing she looked, she would tell me she didn't see it, and I couldn't even imagine how that could be true. But now I know it is true. Why don't I see it? I am serious, you guys. I am not saying this just to get attention, or for people to tell me constantly how much I have lost. I am posting this because I am praying that this is a true disorder that I have with my self-perception. It is either that or people are exaggerating when they say how much it looks like I have lost. Am I losing my mind here? Why don't the mirrors reflect what I have lost? Or do they, but my mind isn't there yet? HELP! Hugs, Denise

Denise, I am the exact same way. The image in the mirror isn't changing. When someone takes a picture, I always ask to see it and am amazed at how I look. I know it's me because I just posed for it but it doesn't look like me. The mirror doesn't reflect the image of the picture even if I look at the picture and then look in the mirror. I hope my mind's eye catches up soon. I really want to see what everyone else is going on and on about. Christie

At least I'm not alone in this Thanks for your reply to my post below - I AM feeling a bit better (at least confident my weight loss isn't "over) -but the body image issues are real and can cause me to STARE at the mirror trying to find something that looks different. I too was one of those people who couldn't believe that those who have lost 100 + pounds couldn't see it themselves. And now I'm one of them and know how real, and how downright scary it is to KNOW you have lost weight but to not to be able to SEE it At least we have our before and after pictures Good luck with this, I know it's hard, but it does help a bit to know that it isn't just YOU, right? Take care sweetie Aimée 300/245/174/145

I feel the same way. When I look in the mirror I don't see any changes although everyone around me is making comments. I didn't have alot of pics taken of me with all of me in them before surgery. My sister had hers in March and she sees the changes but she still complains about her body all the time, I think she looks great, but she still feels heavy. Altogether with her before and after surgery weight loss she has lost 160 pounds and is down to a size 10 or 12. The only thing I really notice it alot in is my face its not so round anymore. Hopefully soon we will all feel like models. Patty

Hi Denise, I feel the same exact way. It was really driving me nuts. When I talked to my surgeon last month about it he said it can take up to a year before your brain will catch up to your body. As I sit here now, I still feel like the person I was 6 months ago. The only difference is the clothes size, not the body image I have in my brain. I guess it will catch up. I hope so soon. ~Charis

Hey Denise, I see a Fat person in the mirror. I can not see it until I take pictures and look at the comparisons. I am not sure if this is anything we will ever outgrow? You are not alone! Denise

Hey Denise, The mirror is not the problem the real issue is the Mind and Brain!!!!! My Psychologist told me to expect this since my/our bodies are rapidly changing. Like you I've also expereienced the "I don't see the change" however, now I can SEE the change in the mirror and girl I love it!!!! What I did in the begin was not focus on the image that I saw but received the compliments and accolades and allowed those to SINK in!!! I'm sure you look awesome so allow yourself to be with it!!!! Girl, Enjoy what you've accomplished!!! Marcia

Denise, You are not alone in the way you feel about your self image!! I'm having the same issues and I don't understand why. I'm hoping that over time I'll get adjusted to my new improved body. I was thinking the other day that maybe a lot of us have this problem is because we lose our excess weight so rapidly. On another note...I just found this board tonight (I usually post on the missouri board and lurk around on the main board) and I think this is going to be good for me. Kelli -60

Denise - This is something I copied and saved from a post I read a few months back. I thought it was quite eloquent. I don't know who wrote it, but I think it speaks a lot of the unspoken words we all are starting to feel. I personally can't imagine what it will be like when I am acutally a "normal" size. Cause right now I'm having difficulty adjusting to the new size of me. I personally don't see it on me, until I look at pictures, or I put on a clothing item that I would have worn prior to surgery, and it now falls to the floor. I guess below is the mirror, but for me, it is the picture at this point. Enjoy! JUDY The Stranger in the Mirror I have to confess that there are times that I look in the mirror and I don't like what I see, it's not me. Looking back from the inside of that shinning piece of glass is a stranger. I have to look deeply into the eyes of the woman looking back at me to recognize who she is. This stranger she stands taller, she's slimmer, she dresses differently, she hold her head up high and she stares back at me with an intensity that scares me. In her eyes I see defiance, I see sorrow, I see love, and caring and just a tiny bit of fear and a lot of hurt. It's been a transformation of the body. But the mind continues to believe what I was before is what I am now. The inner struggle is a battle, who will win this battle is unknown to me. Sometimes I just pray that that stranger in the mirror will learn how to get along with the woman who stands on the other side. It's a strange sensation I look at photos of me before and that is who I relate with she is the person I have been accustomed to being. She is the one who never quite fit in. The one who got the stares and giggles the one who was called fat and felt unloved. The one who never attracted much attention in a crowd. The Stranger in the mirror fits in. she is the normal one there are no giggles or stares directed at her. She no longer feels fat or unloved. She attracts attention. When someone throws a compliment at the Stranger she glows but the woman on the other side of the mirror wants to crouch down and hide. It's a constant battle the stranger and the woman are in. A battle only they understand. Will they ever learn to get along? Will they ever learn to live together peacefully? I don't know but every morning when I look in the Mirror and see the stranger staring back at me I know the battle has begun again another day from morning till night. I'm just hoping one of these women will tire of the fight and give up or that they learn to love each other and live as one.

Judy - I am SO glad you posted that. I copied it and sent it to my husband and sister. Thanks so much for posting that - good thing you saved it Aimée