2 weeks post op and still regreting it.

Alright, It's been 2 weeks since I had the surgery. (open) I still have some pain but feeling better. Most of all, I'm still regretting it. I'm not sure if I'll ever shake this feeling of complete and total regret from my system. I cry and I cry hating myself for doing this. Not one day has gone by that I don't question myself. That I don't wish I could go back in time and undo all this. I am eating solids. Eggs, fish, mashed potato's and some other stuff. It feels ok, but not good enough. I drink water like crazy. The first week I lost 15lbs. (can't imagine HOW, I mean I was living on water for a week) I'm depressed as hell and wishing that my fiance could be here with me. He's the only person I run to with these feelings of self hate and despair. Sadly he's in the military and lives all the way in New Mexico. Every night I talk to him and wish he was here to make my days less lonely, less depressing. I miss my old life. I feel like in a way I committed suicide, I killed myself. I did kill myself. Because I don't even know who I am anymore. Thank you for reading. AC

Aliza c, Please be strong. !! I know what your going through i had the same feelings when i was first out of the surgery. i kept telling my mom im gonna have this redone and i will just be fat!! oh well at least i will be happy and can eat what i want, well let me tell you head hunger is worse than anything you are gonna have to reprogram your body at this time and your head(thinking). I know it hurts and it seems like you will never eat again, but believe me everyday gets better. i am 2months post-op and i have lost 40lbs so far and i feel good. I know my next day home from the hoptital i felt like crap. I couldnt pass gas and i had a nautious feeling i would throw up even when i drank water, boy oh! boy! well just believe me when i say it will get better. Its like losing a best friend and that was food. You never know how much food was apart of your life until you had this surgery! Please stick in there if you have any questions i will be so happy to answer them if i can e mail me at any time ok?!! Be strong once again IT DOES GET BETTER!!! ok Regina Nettles

Hi there, I'm post op 3 weeks. I felt the same for the first 2 weeks. But after loosing 30 lbs. I feel great. Of course the food thing is hell. I love crabs adn could eat them all day if you let me because there so good. Now I eat 1 and I'm full. That really upsets me but I know at the end it'll be well worth it. Don't worry everything will be ok. If you need someone to talk to please feel free to email me at [email protected]. Believe me I know the feeling your going through I've been there. The bright side is when the weight is off you will feel so wonderful. My self esteem has gone up so much soimetimes I forget who I am but the feeling is awesome. People have been asking me have you lost weight and all I can do is smile and say yes. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Pull yourself together and enjot life. Akisha

Dear Aliza....I am also 2 weeks post-op, but I seem to be having quite a different experience from yours. I am feeling better than I have in years and these 15 pounds lost are forever gone!!! I have stuggled with depression in the past, and you sound like you have classic symptoms. Don't wait another day, but get on the phone and make an appointment to talk with your doctor about medication for your depression. There are a lot of really good meds on the market, and I bet with a little regular exercise and maybe some counseling, you'll start to feel better in just a few weeks. You'll be amazed at yourself, and I bet those feelings of regret will turn to joy! At least, I hope you'll try this. Hang in there.....we're here for you! LH Alabama

Aliza, I am truly sorry to hear how you feel. Although you have strong feelings, you are totally normal. Most patients will at some point say "why did I do this?" or "I wish I could take it back." Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do now except do your best to live according to the diet. Hardly any surgeons do reversals. Keep in mind that your first six weeks is the hardest. Once you hit the six week mark and you can start introducing new foods, you will feel your life getting back on track. I'll be four weeks out tomorrow. I've lost 36lbs. I feel good. I had it lap though so my healing will be different than yours. I pretty much feel like a normal person, except I just cant eat much. I honestly believe that when you can start to see and feel the weight coming off your body, you will feel better about what foods you are giving up. I can finally start feeling and seeing that I've lost weight. When I am tempted to eat a no-no I simply look at a picture of me when I weighed 10lbs more than before I had surgery. Then I do my best to fight temptation. No surgeon or dietician honestly believes that all patients will stick to their special diet 100%. You have to figure out for yourself which boundaries you can push, and which boundaries you need to leave the hell alone. Your body will definitely tell you. If you are feeling depressed, you really should contact your PCP and be evaulated. There may be something else wrong. You need to join a support group and meet other patients in person. It will really help. Leland

Aliza: I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. Please talk to your Doctor about it and get him to give you some meds. This is a life altering decision that we made and will be a difficult journey at the beginning but try to concentrate on the positive affect that this will have going forward. I keep a picture by my computer of me when I was slim, a hundred years ago, and that is my incentive. Everyday it gets a little easier, just keep your chin up. Patty

Aliza - I am so sorry to hear how you feel. I had my surgery 8/17. I do not have the energy that I would like but I am so happy that I had it done. I can't believe when I look in the mirror the difference. When I was still in the hospital the Psyc. came in and talked to me about the emotional game that my body and mind would go through. I have talked with my wife about it. Within a single day I will have some of my highest highs and some of my lowest lows. When alll is said and done it is good. It helps if you can atleast visit with friends. When they tell you they can see the difference it is a boost. Don't let it get you down. If you are low use this forum it has helped me.

Keep your chin up!!! I know it sounds cliche, but it WILL change in time and feel more normal. I think for me it was between my 3rd and 4th week I started feeling better!! You're going to do great!!! Dawn

Dear Aliza: Why did you do it? Did you do it because you needed to? Was the weight making you miserable? Was it affecting your health? I haven't had wls surgery. But i HAVE had breast reduction surgery! It was for the same reason. I was Way too heavy! My back was killing me. I had it done because it was a medical necessity. I did suffer through depression afterward. I couldn't drive for three months after the surgery. I had to sleep in a recliner. I couldn't lie on my sides for more than two months. I was wanting to die! I asked God why I didn't die on the operating table. Why................. I had infection set in my right breast. The doctor touched me without gloves on and infection set in. I almost died................. But you know what? I don't regret it for one moment. I believe that once your body recovers from the trauma of the surgery, once your mind and soul have settled from it, you will be happy that you did this. Give it time.............. Don't despair. God will bless you. You did what was necessary. I plan to have a wls done if and when I can. I know what to expect. I have already been through it........... Just give it time, sis. It will get better. God bless you. Reverend Jeri Cisneros

Dear Aliza: I had my surgery on August 16 and must say that for the first week, I felt very much like you did. I thought, what is wrong with me, why couldn't I have lost weight the normal way most people do it, by dieting and exercising. This seemed like a last resort and I felt like a failure. I don't know what happened the second week, but I just started feeling better, had no drainage tubes to worry about, began to start walking more and feeling better about myself and what I had just had done. First, let me tell you a little bit about myself. I originally had thought about having the surgery around January 2002. It seems like God was in control of my life, not me. Shortly after having seen the surgeon, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. My sister was in the hospital fighting lukemia (a battle she lost the end of March 2002), which left me with having to take care of my mother who has alzheimers. So you can see, I really had a lot going on in my life. I buried my sister April 5, 2002 and left for a one week vacation for Las Vegas. This trip was to help me heal from the loss of my sister and prepare myself for my cancer surgery as well as coping with my mother's alzheimers without my support system (my sister). That surgery was a breeze. Now here it is 2 years later and I took a chance and decided that I must not let the year 2005 come around with me being overweight. I am so glad that I did it and I am hoping that within a few weeks or so, you will feel the same. I will pray that God will bring you out of this funk so that you can get ready for the very best years of your life to come. Take care and I would love to hear from you soon.