I have never felt so d$*% fat! LOL

Hello everyone! I am having surgery 7:30am on Monday Aug 2nd. Yikes, one week. In a few minutes I am leaving for my last visit to the surgeon's office before surgery. I just wanted to share crazy self-talk from yesterday. I went to Carowinds with my son yesterday. I was almost the fattest person there, thankfully I am able to get around ok and I wore what I always wore when I was still in Fat Denial - My bathing suit with a pair of shorts. LOL I never noticed it until I decided to have surgery, but I AM FAT! Dammit, when did that happen? I loved being in denial. Now I see people looking at me, and look away real fast when I look at them. (They must have been staring, thinking "Jeezus she is fat. Glad I am not that fat. How can she wear THAT?" lol It sucked. I have gained weight since last summer and I barely fit the coasters then, so I didn't even try any rides except Whale Beach Bay and the lazy river! I hated that my son had to wait in line for an hour for the hottest coaster, by himself. I wanted to tell everyone not to worry, this fat girl is having surgery next week to fix this problem. That I am aware of my fatness, and my contribution to the problem (my apparent lack of morality) and that I have it under control. How crazy is that! Man, I cannot wait for the day (soon) that I am riding everything. And I want a t-shirt that says, "FAT GIRL" even when my BMI is 18. That way, folks can still look at me and stare, "How can she wear THAT?" LOL I do have such compassion for the fat folks I saw yesterday. I felt crappy, but had hope. I could see the lack of hope for so many. Well, gotta get on the road. laterz Nona

............ ............ Well...after August 2nd, you will be on your way to a healthier, leaner life. This time next year, this stuff will not be a concern & you'll be wearing your t-shirt on the beach or near the pool. AND...riding all the rides w/ no trouble! Best wishes, Nikki surgery date: August 17, 2004

Nona I know what you mena about feeling fat now !!! Of course I've always been fat I too liked denial !!! Hey we are across the mountian from each other, I'm about 30 min from Gatlinburg Tn. In 7 days you will be on the other side and a loser !!! I'll be joining you on the 9th Best wishes and all good things !!! Linda

I want to congratulate you on your 8-2-04 date. It's coming soon! But who's counting. I share that as my date also and I soo understand it when you say that you really discovered you are fat. I knew I was big and had stopped going places that I knew would be uncomfortable for me a long time ago. Then I got all feeling good about having lost 20 pounds and starting to feel better when I exercised. I thought that last May I was up for a trip to Disneyland with my family and found it really sad (and embarasing) when I was so brave I knew I could ride the Mr Toad's wild ride. WRONG. I took my 3 year old grandson by the hand and waited thru all the lines and then found that I couldn't fit through the turnstyle. I had to excuse myself all the way back thru the line of people to get outside. I am just so thankful that he is such a sweet boy and that he ubderstood that grandma didn't fit and he just waited with me for his Dad to come back take him. I nearly died I felt so bad. I have never since then had a feeling that I couldn't make all the right choices to make this awesome surgery and my upcoming tool work for me. No amount of pain or discomfort will stop me now. Best wishes for a new healthy you! I'll be thinging of you often and will check back here to see how you are doing after our big day. By next summer we will be able to ride any ride we want to. Take care. Mary-Rose

nona you ar a ******! holy #$@! that shirt thing...omg i am still laughing. sad that i get the humor, and feel the same way. I will be joining u as a loser on aug 10th and if i COULD find that shirt, i WOULD wear it!

Oh, if I can find a way, that my little BMI=18 butt could wear that shirt and not be offensive to other fat folks ('cuz they would only see a skinny girl calling herself fat, AND we all have heard that chick, "oh, I am SOOOOOOO fat!" ) Then I will MAKE the shirt! Got any ideas? Hmm...... FAT GIRL (hiding under this 12inch Gastric Bypass Scar) ?

Maybe with a 12 inch staple line scar drawn underneath: I I I I I I I I I LOL!

Nona, I am the queen of denial! I always looked in the mirror and said "its not that bad". Because when I weighed 225-235 I could do anything I wanted. I could spend 12 hrs at Busch Gardens walking those hills and riding all the rides. Now, I'd be exhausted walking from the car to the gate. I started noticing my life was spinning out of control about 4 yrs ago. My dad, hubby and I had season tickets to an arena football team. When people actually sat in the seats around us, we were miserbale. All crammed together. That was what started it, slowly I realized there was so much I couldn't do anymore. The past 2 summers, I've just been sitting on the sidelines because I cant do anything. Theme parks are KILLING me because I LOVE rollercoasters. Concerts is another thing that I miss. I just can't go and stand on my feet for hours. I havent' been able to get in the "mosh pit" for years, but I just chalked that up to age. But in 8 days, I turn over a whole new leaf. Next summer, not only am I hitting the theme parks, I am going to be doing anything and everything I can! Leland Lap RNY 08/04/04

Hi Nona Well....I never knew I was "fat" until I saw it written in my chart at a doctors visit...it said "morbidly obese" I thought to myself...now whos chart is that ??? then realized it was mine !!! I have really been in denial ever since. When I go to try on clothes I always pick up something 2 sizes smaller than I really am and then Im shocked that the size 16 doesnt fit....Then when Im leaving the store and see my reflection in the window....and I think to myself that they should really come out with windows that make us look thinner...because in my mind I am a size 9...lol Well good luck to you on your wls journey....I have another 29 days to go before I join you on the loosing side. Tootles Michele

AMEN to that! Now that my surgery is getting closer, I am really really FAT, PMSing, and CRABBY about it! LOL I am sorry to say it, but I am so glad that my daughter has been with her Dad this summer. Another summer of excuses from me as to why I cannot do anything or go anywhere? I just could not handle it! I went to WalMart last night for a few items. I was sweatin' like a pig. It did not help that I wore a jacket the entire time, to um, cover my fat? NOT! I bought a bunch of men's pj pants and t shirts for when I come home from the hospital. If I could have, I would have put a pair on for the car ride home, to relieve the pain from the grip my size 22 jeans had on me. Yep, I'm ready to be a loser, and I'd wear the t-shirt! LOL