A little freaked out...

ok, don't think i'm crazy... i went to my pre-op preparation class the other night, (i am scdl for Aug 18) and i won't lie... it freaked me out... what's nuts is that i spent a year fighting my insurance company, with the help of a lawyer, to get this surgery. i know that part of it is that for the last year i have been in "fight mode" and now that the fight is over, i have to think about the actual reality of it all. I'm afraid i'm gonna fail, i'm afraid that i won't be able to figure out this diet, i'm afraid the people around me are gonna change, i'm afraid I'M gonna change. I'm a singer in my local town and fairly well known... i don't know if or how i should address my fan base on this... i'm listening to this woman the other night and asking myself, "what the hell am i doing"? I know it's the right thing for me. I have PCOS and it was pretty much the ovaries or the fat... something's gotta go... i want kids, i WANT this surgery... but i am suddenly terrified... Anybody else going through any of this? Laurie

Laurie, If you weren't terrified, you wouldn't be normal. I started my journey last yr. When i found out the HMO i was on wouldn't pay, I sort of gave up. I thought why the hell do I want to go through this, and still have to spend the rest of my life dieting and exercising? I have PCOS too. When I have a good day with my nephew, I want kids. When I am around hellyuns like Wed nite, forget it! My biggest problem is the hair. My skin is awful and dermatologists wont touch it. After alot of soul searching, and steadily marking things off my list that i can no longer do, I've realized not only do I want this, I HAVE to have it. I am going to die without it. Make yourself a list of all the things you want to do post op. Try to visualize yourself doing them. I personally love roller coasters. Not only can I not fit in the seats comfortably anymore, I can't walk the theme park. Your life will be different after surgery, you will change. Its life. But, with the right attitude, everything will change for the better! Keep your head up! Leland Lap RNY 08/04/04

Hey Laurie! Don't worry... you're perfectly normal..... once the reality sets in we all tend to freak out a little!!!! Is there a support group near you? If so, RUN to a meeting!!! I was hesitant to go at first, but now I'm SO glad I did... it helps put it all in perspective!!! We all know the statistics, but once we get closer we dwell on the "what if's"..... but a support group will show you that the majority come through this just fine and are all greatful for the chance at a new life!!! I have 2 girls and a great DH, and I have no intention of leaving them without me....I've waited too long and can't wait to run THEM ragged!!! I just keep focused on the goal, put my trust in the Lord that he'll see me through, and count the days until I'm on the losing side!!! And if we change a little because our bodies do, just remember that our true friends are the ones who never judged us because of our weight...before the surgery or after!!! Teri S.

Laurie, it is okay to be freaked out. I freak out a little every day when I think about my surgery (only 45 more days!). I know it is the right thing for me too but I still get worried. Go to support groups and talk to other people who are in the same boat. Ask questions from the people who are post-op and hang in there. We will be on the losing side soon! Cindy

Laurie, You are normal! We all have our good days and our bad days. Of course you will change! And I am sure your fans and friends will love the healthier woman you will be come. If they don't, too bad. You are doing this for YOU, not anyone else! Make your list of things you can not do now, cost of doctors, meds, loss of a normal life and etc. Then make a list of all the things you want out of life, less medical expense, children, walking through the woods, on a beach and etc. Put them in a spot where you will see them daily. Believe me and all your other friends on this board, we are right there with you. I freak out at least once an hour daily, well more or less. Marla

Hang in there girlfriend! It's "buyer's remorse" you're suffering. I have PCOS also and have fought through two denials to get the surgery (Aug 3rd!) and have fretful flights of panic - but keep recentering yourself. Give yourself postitve talk - you wanted this, you deserve this - you will look and FEEL great in the future. It will save your body from the ravages of insulin resistance that cause high blood pressure, diabetes, kidney failure, pancreatic failure, etc etc etc. You will DO WELL after the surgery. You are not going to die BUT LIVE! (There's a great verse in Psalms that states "You shall not die but live and proclaim the glory of the Lord". If you're a singer, you can do that through song -since you have a voice, use it! We'll all get through this together. Let's do it ladies! Paula