I'm not very good to myself...
I am the vocal director of our school musical every year. Most years we do two musicals, but thankfully we haven't done that in the last couple years. It is a massive undertaking to put together a musical that includes around 50 high school students...and have them sing on pitch most of the time.
The last few weeks we have had late rehearsals every day and life stops for me and just becomes about the show. I get to work at 7:30am and I was getting home close to 10pm every night. In years past during this time I would eat out for lunch and dinner and my girls would have happy meals every night, plus drink sodas from sunup to sundown.
A few years ago I did WW and lost 80lbs and the musical threw me off the wagon and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't make myself get back on. Gained it all back in a matter of months. So mad at myself.
Well this time I wasn't very good to myself again. I haven't put myself first. I didn't make time to make my protein shake in the mornings or make my lunch the night before. Heck I didn't even get my vitamins together to take to work.
So here I am...not at all changed. Still doing the same things. And I'm pissed!!! Why do I do this to myself? This is just one example of me putting myself last. The way I've always done. The way I watched my mother put herself last too.
I made the girls lunch every day so why couldn't I throw something together for me too? You know what I ate for lunch one day...freakin' popcorn! Yeah that had a lot of protein. Another day I ate a pickle! And for dinner I will honestly say I had chicken nuggets more than one night last week.
I feel so dumb and embarassed and MAD...and heartbroken. Why am I continuing this cycle? When will it end?
The last few weeks we have had late rehearsals every day and life stops for me and just becomes about the show. I get to work at 7:30am and I was getting home close to 10pm every night. In years past during this time I would eat out for lunch and dinner and my girls would have happy meals every night, plus drink sodas from sunup to sundown.
A few years ago I did WW and lost 80lbs and the musical threw me off the wagon and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't make myself get back on. Gained it all back in a matter of months. So mad at myself.
Well this time I wasn't very good to myself again. I haven't put myself first. I didn't make time to make my protein shake in the mornings or make my lunch the night before. Heck I didn't even get my vitamins together to take to work.
So here I am...not at all changed. Still doing the same things. And I'm pissed!!! Why do I do this to myself? This is just one example of me putting myself last. The way I've always done. The way I watched my mother put herself last too.
I made the girls lunch every day so why couldn't I throw something together for me too? You know what I ate for lunch one day...freakin' popcorn! Yeah that had a lot of protein. Another day I ate a pickle! And for dinner I will honestly say I had chicken nuggets more than one night last week.
I feel so dumb and embarassed and MAD...and heartbroken. Why am I continuing this cycle? When will it end?
Take a deep breath! It's ok. We are women, not super heros!
I always try to keep something around that is a 'better' choice. I have cheese at home that in a pinch I can cut off some and eat - it is protein. (pickle? I've been afraid to even try because the skin is tough). I have peanut butter and cheese sandwhich crackers in my desk (again, a better choice - not the best). I eat 2 or 3 in a pinch. I keep RTD shakes at home and at work. (EAS sits better with my pouch, Pure Protein is my choice, but can be a little pricy). I also keep a package of the sandwhich crackers in a zippie bag in my purse. They do get a little crushed sometimes, but it is a better choice when I need it. I also have travel size almonds.
I have to find ways to decomplicate my life. Sometimes, I don't even like to each - now that is a paradim shift! I feel like it just takes too long sometimes.
When I beat myself up, I step back and look at the big picture. Overall, am I doing good? The answer is yes. I have resisted temptation. I do strive to follow the plan. Am I perfect? Heck NO. But I do believe I have and am making changes that will make me successful for life. Will I have hard days? Yes.
I think each of us has to find a way that works. That you are reaching out here is a good sign! Support is so important.
Are you keeping a food journal? I'm not everyday, but when I find I've had too many bad days in a row, I go back to my food journal. It helps keep me on track.
Be thinking about you!! Let me know if I can help.
HUGS!
I always try to keep something around that is a 'better' choice. I have cheese at home that in a pinch I can cut off some and eat - it is protein. (pickle? I've been afraid to even try because the skin is tough). I have peanut butter and cheese sandwhich crackers in my desk (again, a better choice - not the best). I eat 2 or 3 in a pinch. I keep RTD shakes at home and at work. (EAS sits better with my pouch, Pure Protein is my choice, but can be a little pricy). I also keep a package of the sandwhich crackers in a zippie bag in my purse. They do get a little crushed sometimes, but it is a better choice when I need it. I also have travel size almonds.
I have to find ways to decomplicate my life. Sometimes, I don't even like to each - now that is a paradim shift! I feel like it just takes too long sometimes.
When I beat myself up, I step back and look at the big picture. Overall, am I doing good? The answer is yes. I have resisted temptation. I do strive to follow the plan. Am I perfect? Heck NO. But I do believe I have and am making changes that will make me successful for life. Will I have hard days? Yes.
I think each of us has to find a way that works. That you are reaching out here is a good sign! Support is so important.
Are you keeping a food journal? I'm not everyday, but when I find I've had too many bad days in a row, I go back to my food journal. It helps keep me on track.
Be thinking about you!! Let me know if I can help.
HUGS!
Julie
We all make bad choices so times Mrs DAHUGGS..
No worries.. what counts now is your plan is way different more focus.. because you know exactly what you have to do to get back on track unlike the last time!! You might want to start packing yourself a lunch and two healthy snacks... then treat yourself to a sensible protein enrich breakfast ( Starbucks has oatmeal, you can get a scrambled egg from McDonald's: Note they may look at you crazy when you state just scramble eggs but who cares!!), if you do decide to go out to eat breakfast or lunch.. I download the menus off the web site to give you an idea of what to eat.. how much calories, and protein are in the meals.. DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP.. remember unlike previous times you would have eaten your weight back on and looking from your profile that has not occurred. You are not a failure.. there's always tomorrow a new day to make better choices..
No worries.. what counts now is your plan is way different more focus.. because you know exactly what you have to do to get back on track unlike the last time!! You might want to start packing yourself a lunch and two healthy snacks... then treat yourself to a sensible protein enrich breakfast ( Starbucks has oatmeal, you can get a scrambled egg from McDonald's: Note they may look at you crazy when you state just scramble eggs but who cares!!), if you do decide to go out to eat breakfast or lunch.. I download the menus off the web site to give you an idea of what to eat.. how much calories, and protein are in the meals.. DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP.. remember unlike previous times you would have eaten your weight back on and looking from your profile that has not occurred. You are not a failure.. there's always tomorrow a new day to make better choices..
Lisa 
Lisa said ,-"You are not a failure.. there's always tomorrow a new day to make better choices".
Ah, Lisa, they are the words I live by these days. And you can, too, Ms, Dahuggs. You are not your choices and you have a new one every day. It may be just a matter of you being aware in the moment that you have options. Choose the better one and congratulate yourself for it. These things tend to feed on themselves.
We all make mistakes. We are human and if we did the right thing all the time life would have no challenges!
On last thing. YOU are worth the effort you put into taking care of you. Take the time to take care of you. Others WILL and can wait!
Ah, Lisa, they are the words I live by these days. And you can, too, Ms, Dahuggs. You are not your choices and you have a new one every day. It may be just a matter of you being aware in the moment that you have options. Choose the better one and congratulate yourself for it. These things tend to feed on themselves.
We all make mistakes. We are human and if we did the right thing all the time life would have no challenges!
On last thing. YOU are worth the effort you put into taking care of you. Take the time to take care of you. Others WILL and can wait!
I LUV YOU JULYER's you ladies are the most caring support group a girl can have..
WE WILL ACCOMPLISH our goals.. maybe we need to have roll call each morning on the JULY board?? Someone can remind everyone to pack our lunches snacks, and breakfast pretty good idea.. I wonder If anyone will "step-up".. FOOD FOR THOUGHT~
WE WILL ACCOMPLISH our goals.. maybe we need to have roll call each morning on the JULY board?? Someone can remind everyone to pack our lunches snacks, and breakfast pretty good idea.. I wonder If anyone will "step-up".. FOOD FOR THOUGHT~
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