4 months out and needing to talk
Hello friends,
It has been a while since I have posted and I thought I would check in. I am having a rough spell. Physically I am fine. I am losing weight very steadily. I am down to 219 this morning (SW 297 HW 334) and I have been losing 20-25 lbs a month since surgery. I am wearing much smaller clothes and I can actually fit in the normal size clothes at Target and Old Navy. Onederland is in my sights. I am stuggling with staying on protocol and wanting to emotional eat. I haven't been drinking my shakes. I do eat a protein bar everyday and sometimes I put a shake in my morning coffee, but I am not drinking them regularly. When I do track my food, about once or twice a week, I am meeting my protein requirements. I forget to take my vitamins some days and I am really bad about my calcium. I am not planning my meals and have been having to rely on fast foods some days. I haven't worked out in so long. I have no motivation to do so. I am much more active that I have been in my adult life, but I am not doing any kind of "real" exercise. I walk my son to school most mornings (1/2 mile total) and I have been cleaning/organizing, taking the stairs, etc. My kids have been driving me nuts! Our second car broke down and my hubby works nights so I have been stuck inside all night since the time change. I guess I am feeling frazzled and out of control. I want to eat all of the time. I feel a compulsion to do it. I am not eating much, obviously, but I am eating outside of meal times. I'll just open the cupboard and look. I usually end up grabbing some nuts. The other day I was craving veggies. That is the other weird thing. I find myself beating myself up for eating healthy stuff when it is not time to eat. I just feel like I am on a slippery slope and I am so afraid of not succeeding and ending up right back where I started. I feel like I have to be a perfect patient and I am not.
I am just feeling crazy in my brain. I have mild bipolar disorder and I think I am having a "flare up" as I like to call it. When I write all of this down I see that I am not doing bad at all. I must be doing something right because I am losing. My fear is what happens at 12-18 months when the surgery has done the bulk of it's work and it falls completely on me to maintain this weight loss. Right now, my body and the surgery are doing what it is supposed to do. But I feel like I am not holding up my end of the bargain. I was doing so good pre-op and right out of surgery. Now I just feel like I am living life with this tool and not really "working the tool." The other part of me wants to shake myself and say that this is exactly what I wanted. I wanted to learn how to live and eat in a different way and lose weight. I DONT want to stress out over what I am eating but I feel like I SHOULD. I know I need to exercise simply because it is a good health practice. I am sorry I am just rambling. I guess I am just looking for some encouragement and I think I just needed to get this stuff out of my brain. I feel so thankful to have had this surgery and that I am healthy and have had no complications. I feel guilty even complaining about anything because I am so lucky. Thanks for listening.
It has been a while since I have posted and I thought I would check in. I am having a rough spell. Physically I am fine. I am losing weight very steadily. I am down to 219 this morning (SW 297 HW 334) and I have been losing 20-25 lbs a month since surgery. I am wearing much smaller clothes and I can actually fit in the normal size clothes at Target and Old Navy. Onederland is in my sights. I am stuggling with staying on protocol and wanting to emotional eat. I haven't been drinking my shakes. I do eat a protein bar everyday and sometimes I put a shake in my morning coffee, but I am not drinking them regularly. When I do track my food, about once or twice a week, I am meeting my protein requirements. I forget to take my vitamins some days and I am really bad about my calcium. I am not planning my meals and have been having to rely on fast foods some days. I haven't worked out in so long. I have no motivation to do so. I am much more active that I have been in my adult life, but I am not doing any kind of "real" exercise. I walk my son to school most mornings (1/2 mile total) and I have been cleaning/organizing, taking the stairs, etc. My kids have been driving me nuts! Our second car broke down and my hubby works nights so I have been stuck inside all night since the time change. I guess I am feeling frazzled and out of control. I want to eat all of the time. I feel a compulsion to do it. I am not eating much, obviously, but I am eating outside of meal times. I'll just open the cupboard and look. I usually end up grabbing some nuts. The other day I was craving veggies. That is the other weird thing. I find myself beating myself up for eating healthy stuff when it is not time to eat. I just feel like I am on a slippery slope and I am so afraid of not succeeding and ending up right back where I started. I feel like I have to be a perfect patient and I am not.
I am just feeling crazy in my brain. I have mild bipolar disorder and I think I am having a "flare up" as I like to call it. When I write all of this down I see that I am not doing bad at all. I must be doing something right because I am losing. My fear is what happens at 12-18 months when the surgery has done the bulk of it's work and it falls completely on me to maintain this weight loss. Right now, my body and the surgery are doing what it is supposed to do. But I feel like I am not holding up my end of the bargain. I was doing so good pre-op and right out of surgery. Now I just feel like I am living life with this tool and not really "working the tool." The other part of me wants to shake myself and say that this is exactly what I wanted. I wanted to learn how to live and eat in a different way and lose weight. I DONT want to stress out over what I am eating but I feel like I SHOULD. I know I need to exercise simply because it is a good health practice. I am sorry I am just rambling. I guess I am just looking for some encouragement and I think I just needed to get this stuff out of my brain. I feel so thankful to have had this surgery and that I am healthy and have had no complications. I feel guilty even complaining about anything because I am so lucky. Thanks for listening.
Kriste, I understand your fears, but you are doing so wonderfully. You have lost so much weight during this short period of time. And you're right, you should be proud of yourself for choosing healthy foods to graze on. I'm having difficulty with the grazing too, but I'm lke you, I'll grab some almonds or some cottage cheese or a slice of cheese. I think it's ok. I'm sure you had heard in the past that eating 6 small meals is better anyway and I'd like to think that the same rule kind of applies to where we are at now. From the sounds of it, you are doing fabulous!! Keep up the good work girl and keep moving. I wish I could do the every day exercise thing, but it's just not happening for me, BUT I do find that I'm constantly keeping myself busy and not always setting in front of the TV and certainly not munchin' out all the time like I used to.
You're doing just fine. Hang in there kiddo :-)
You're doing just fine. Hang in there kiddo :-)
Luanne
I started WL journey on Jan 14, 2009 starting weight @ 342
Surgery date was July 22, 2009 and started @ 310 and and my goal weight
is 150.00.
I started WL journey on Jan 14, 2009 starting weight @ 342
Surgery date was July 22, 2009 and started @ 310 and and my goal weight
is 150.00.
I do feel you Kristie..
I get what I call the alter EGO" THE FAT GIRL THAT STILL TRIES TO STILL INVADE MY BODY", tell me things like ooh just go back to your old ways!! This surgery doesn't work, stop working out.!! But you know what it takes time for change in you mind and spirit.. I think we can still eat somethings from a fast food restaurant, just limit amounts and in moderation, we have work real hard.. and make a FREAKING TEMPLE OUT OF MUD ISN'T EASY!!.. Sometimes the new lifestyle makes me feel nervous like I will not complete this journey at all, and just feel scared of success, because I have told myself so long that I was not worth it!! But you know what Kristie we are totally worth it!! It is so awesome we have a support team here on OH!!
Congrats & KEEP UP THE AWESOME JOB!!
I get what I call the alter EGO" THE FAT GIRL THAT STILL TRIES TO STILL INVADE MY BODY", tell me things like ooh just go back to your old ways!! This surgery doesn't work, stop working out.!! But you know what it takes time for change in you mind and spirit.. I think we can still eat somethings from a fast food restaurant, just limit amounts and in moderation, we have work real hard.. and make a FREAKING TEMPLE OUT OF MUD ISN'T EASY!!.. Sometimes the new lifestyle makes me feel nervous like I will not complete this journey at all, and just feel scared of success, because I have told myself so long that I was not worth it!! But you know what Kristie we are totally worth it!! It is so awesome we have a support team here on OH!!
Congrats & KEEP UP THE AWESOME JOB!!
Lisa 
Your weight loss is great...you are about to pass me in weight in the RIGHT direction!
You are not alone. For me, I've gotten back to somewhat of a normal life. I can eat (taste) anything so I have to control myself. I think I am one of those that won't dump. I've had 7-8 g of sugar (dried fruit) and NO ILL EFFECTS, but I'm not pushing it!
I don't even like to eat. It takes too long and it so much easier to just grab a shake. I travel a lot and when I'm with others that don't know about my RNY, it is kinda weird. They all know I'm being careful to eat healthy,
I have not been good about my exercise and I am paying the price. I have lost lots in my leggs and butt and since I really had little muscle tone, I find it uncomfortable to sit for long periods of time...and I have a sit job.
I have all but stopped keeping my food log - which is bad.
But, the good news is I am in control. If I want to taste, I do. Most of the time I find that stuff I used to love just doesn't do it for me anymore. Rules and absolutes were always my enemy. I have to learn that all of life is about balance. If I forget to take my vitamins today, it's ok...I just need to start tomorrow and try to do better. I try to carry my vitamins around in a snack size baggie. I'm not tied to a strick schedule (except keeping iron away from calcium) and it helps me to get them all in.
You are doing great. No guilt. No beating yourself up. Give yourself some grace. Keep in touch with us and your support groups.
You have identified all this before it became a problem! That is part of your success.
I too am so fearful that I will return to my bad habits and have to guard against it everyday.
HUGS!!
jk
You are not alone. For me, I've gotten back to somewhat of a normal life. I can eat (taste) anything so I have to control myself. I think I am one of those that won't dump. I've had 7-8 g of sugar (dried fruit) and NO ILL EFFECTS, but I'm not pushing it!
I don't even like to eat. It takes too long and it so much easier to just grab a shake. I travel a lot and when I'm with others that don't know about my RNY, it is kinda weird. They all know I'm being careful to eat healthy,
I have not been good about my exercise and I am paying the price. I have lost lots in my leggs and butt and since I really had little muscle tone, I find it uncomfortable to sit for long periods of time...and I have a sit job.
I have all but stopped keeping my food log - which is bad.
But, the good news is I am in control. If I want to taste, I do. Most of the time I find that stuff I used to love just doesn't do it for me anymore. Rules and absolutes were always my enemy. I have to learn that all of life is about balance. If I forget to take my vitamins today, it's ok...I just need to start tomorrow and try to do better. I try to carry my vitamins around in a snack size baggie. I'm not tied to a strick schedule (except keeping iron away from calcium) and it helps me to get them all in.
You are doing great. No guilt. No beating yourself up. Give yourself some grace. Keep in touch with us and your support groups.
You have identified all this before it became a problem! That is part of your success.
I too am so fearful that I will return to my bad habits and have to guard against it everyday.
HUGS!!
jk
Julie
Kriste,
Don't beat yourself up, you're doing great!
I'm feeling a little out of control lately too but mine is from NOT eating enough calories and forgetting to take all my vitamins. All of a sudden, I'm really noticing the thinning hair and it's FREAKING me out. I'm finding hair everywhere! Thank goodness it was thick to start with or I'd be bald right now.
Don't beat yourself up, you're doing great!
I'm feeling a little out of control lately too but mine is from NOT eating enough calories and forgetting to take all my vitamins. All of a sudden, I'm really noticing the thinning hair and it's FREAKING me out. I'm finding hair everywhere! Thank goodness it was thick to start with or I'd be bald right now.
I hear you! I am in the same boat. I worry about the days when it falls on my shoulders to maintain the weightloss. I am eating more now that I can handle more. I am also pushing protein foods and don't mess with shakes. I have the bars but eat maybe one a week. So I'll probably be a baldy come February.
I am exercising now. I actually just started about two weeks ago and I can tell a major difference. Not so much on the scales as I can in the way my clothes are fitting. Also in pictures of myself I can see a waist line where I never used to have one. I am getting to the point where I enjoy exercising. It is great stress relief! I also put music on my iphone and listen to it while working out. It makes the time fly by and it seems less like work. The treadmill is easiest.. but I have been doing the Elliptical now and it is kicking my butt! I call it the torture machine. But it does have it's perks.. It's working my thighs and butt! The two places I need it most (besides my belly).
LOL, Best of luck you are doing great!
Valerie
I am exercising now. I actually just started about two weeks ago and I can tell a major difference. Not so much on the scales as I can in the way my clothes are fitting. Also in pictures of myself I can see a waist line where I never used to have one. I am getting to the point where I enjoy exercising. It is great stress relief! I also put music on my iphone and listen to it while working out. It makes the time fly by and it seems less like work. The treadmill is easiest.. but I have been doing the Elliptical now and it is kicking my butt! I call it the torture machine. But it does have it's perks.. It's working my thighs and butt! The two places I need it most (besides my belly).
LOL, Best of luck you are doing great!
Valerie
Well, you guys have encouraged me so thank you! I have started walking in the evening with the kiddos. We have a large block, so we walked around it. It kind of sucks because we have no sidewalks and I have to go kind of slow since I have a 6 year old that walks with me. But it's something. I am going to start doing my weight lifting in the PM again. That really made me feel good. Thanks again friends!
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