Where my brain is... Where is yours?
Hello all of my July friends!
Well, it's July!!! Can you believe it! This is the month that we will be having surgery!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! So I have 10 days left. I have 4 days of work left! It's coming so fast! I haven't done everything on my to do list and it's cool. I have time. I did get the baby out of our room so that's something. I am doing well on my low carb diet. I lost 8 lbs last weeks! I have a cough and my paranoid self immediately called my surgeon who advised me to see my PCP. I had already made the appt. Went today and it's not an infection. If it doesn't get better by Thursday, she said she will just put in a perscription to clear it out by next Friday! NEXT FRIDAY!!! OMG!!! But I have been thinking alot about this whole thing and this is what I'm musing about. I am pasting part of an email I sent to my aunt because i thought it was insightful about my mindset at this time.
"I do have a surgery coming soon. Next Friday actually. It's weird, I don't feel nervous at all yet. I feel more ansty. I just want it over with and I want to be like 3 months out! I know it's going to be hard at times but I am so excited. I have been overweight for so long, I just want to watch it all melt away. I have been trying really hard with my eating this last week and into next week preparing for the surgery. The surgeon put me on a no starch diet. So it is bye bye to bread rice pasta potatoes, sugar, basically anything white. Way after surgery I can have the brown counterparts for most, if I have to have it. But it hasn't been too bad. The hardest part is dealing with the desire to eat. That is going to take awhile to go away. And it will only go away with conscious work on my part. Didn't get this way just eating when I needed food. I cannot believe I let myself get this way. But that is all the past now. I lost 8 lbs last week according to the scale at work. I'm not sure how accurate that is but it made me feel good! I am very serious about this life change. I stopped drinking diet pepsi a few months ago, I started working out 5 days a week. And now I have cut out most carbs. They said in all the classes that this surgery is tool and that is really how I am looking at it. I am being given (well all but the $300 copay) a $20,000 tool for losing weight. And I am young! The weight will come off fast in the next few months (i'll probably lose 150 lbs in the next 9-12 months! OMG!!!) but I have 50+ years of maintance ahead of me. Healthy eating and exercise are going to have to be non negotible things for me. That is what I am thinking about alot lately. I have to learn new ways to deal with my stress and my emotions. For the next year food won't be an option but after that, my body will learn to accomodate most everything again so it will all be on me. There are some books I want to get and I may even get a therapist if I find I am really struggling. I just don't want to mess this up. I feel very confident that I am going to be successful. And I hope that my change in lifestyle will rub off on DH and the kids. DH started Kung Fu and has been eating better. Luckliy the kids are young and I can change their habits early. The baby won't even remember me like this! And our lifestyle will be much healthier for him then it was for my older son. Thank God he is still young enough to follow our lead. You know what my son said when I told him about the surgery? He was so excited because this meant that we can play and wrestle together! So cute. He understands that I am having surgery to fix my tummy. I told him that my stomach was too big for my body and I was going to the hospital to have my tummy made smaller so I can lose weight and be healthy. He really seems to understand it and I think I have presented it in a way that doesn't scare him."
Well, I just wanted to put this out there and see where all of you are. I'm sure you are all thinking and feeling the same way. I am so excited for us! We are very lucky!
Looking forward to reading what you all have to say when I get up tomorrow! Good night! (You are all probably in bed already since I am in Cali and it's almost midnight!)
Kriste
Well, it's July!!! Can you believe it! This is the month that we will be having surgery!!!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! So I have 10 days left. I have 4 days of work left! It's coming so fast! I haven't done everything on my to do list and it's cool. I have time. I did get the baby out of our room so that's something. I am doing well on my low carb diet. I lost 8 lbs last weeks! I have a cough and my paranoid self immediately called my surgeon who advised me to see my PCP. I had already made the appt. Went today and it's not an infection. If it doesn't get better by Thursday, she said she will just put in a perscription to clear it out by next Friday! NEXT FRIDAY!!! OMG!!! But I have been thinking alot about this whole thing and this is what I'm musing about. I am pasting part of an email I sent to my aunt because i thought it was insightful about my mindset at this time.
"I do have a surgery coming soon. Next Friday actually. It's weird, I don't feel nervous at all yet. I feel more ansty. I just want it over with and I want to be like 3 months out! I know it's going to be hard at times but I am so excited. I have been overweight for so long, I just want to watch it all melt away. I have been trying really hard with my eating this last week and into next week preparing for the surgery. The surgeon put me on a no starch diet. So it is bye bye to bread rice pasta potatoes, sugar, basically anything white. Way after surgery I can have the brown counterparts for most, if I have to have it. But it hasn't been too bad. The hardest part is dealing with the desire to eat. That is going to take awhile to go away. And it will only go away with conscious work on my part. Didn't get this way just eating when I needed food. I cannot believe I let myself get this way. But that is all the past now. I lost 8 lbs last week according to the scale at work. I'm not sure how accurate that is but it made me feel good! I am very serious about this life change. I stopped drinking diet pepsi a few months ago, I started working out 5 days a week. And now I have cut out most carbs. They said in all the classes that this surgery is tool and that is really how I am looking at it. I am being given (well all but the $300 copay) a $20,000 tool for losing weight. And I am young! The weight will come off fast in the next few months (i'll probably lose 150 lbs in the next 9-12 months! OMG!!!) but I have 50+ years of maintance ahead of me. Healthy eating and exercise are going to have to be non negotible things for me. That is what I am thinking about alot lately. I have to learn new ways to deal with my stress and my emotions. For the next year food won't be an option but after that, my body will learn to accomodate most everything again so it will all be on me. There are some books I want to get and I may even get a therapist if I find I am really struggling. I just don't want to mess this up. I feel very confident that I am going to be successful. And I hope that my change in lifestyle will rub off on DH and the kids. DH started Kung Fu and has been eating better. Luckliy the kids are young and I can change their habits early. The baby won't even remember me like this! And our lifestyle will be much healthier for him then it was for my older son. Thank God he is still young enough to follow our lead. You know what my son said when I told him about the surgery? He was so excited because this meant that we can play and wrestle together! So cute. He understands that I am having surgery to fix my tummy. I told him that my stomach was too big for my body and I was going to the hospital to have my tummy made smaller so I can lose weight and be healthy. He really seems to understand it and I think I have presented it in a way that doesn't scare him."
Well, I just wanted to put this out there and see where all of you are. I'm sure you are all thinking and feeling the same way. I am so excited for us! We are very lucky!
Looking forward to reading what you all have to say when I get up tomorrow! Good night! (You are all probably in bed already since I am in Cali and it's almost midnight!)
Kriste
YA I AM FEELING THE SAME WAY YOU ARE PRETTY MUCH MY KIDS ARE ALLOT OLDER MINE ARE 18+19+24 SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN MUCH BUT ALL HAPPY ABOUT IT MY SON WOULD BE THE 19 YEAR OLD THE OUTERS ARE STEP CHILDREN FROM MY TWO MARRIAGES MY SON IS SUPER MORBID OBESE LIKE ME I HAVE RAISED HIM SINCE HE WAS THREE IT WAS JUST ME AND HIM TILL 2000 I GOT REMARRIED AND STILL MARRIED I ALWAYS BLAMED MY SELF FOR LETTING US BOTH GET THIS WAY I HAD TO DEAL WITH THAT FIRST AND FORGIVE MYSELF AND ASK MY SON TO FORGIVE ME HE JUST LOOKED AT ME SMILED AND TOLD ME IT WASN'T MY FAULT YOU BELIEVE THAT WOW HE IS A GREAT MAN. I AM VERY PROUD OF HIM AND ALL MY KIDS. BUT I HAVE BEEN LIKE ON A ROLLER COASTER RIDE IT SEEMS LIKE FOR A LITTLE WHILE NOW HOPING MY MARRIAGE SURVIVES THIS AND OTHER THOUGHTS RACING THROUGH MY MIND! YOU PROBABLY HAVE THAT GOING ON TO BUT I'M GETTING ON OK I JUST HAVE TO STOP AND SAY TO MYSELF ITS GOING TO BE FINE THE GOOD LORD WILL DO AS HE WILL JUST LET HIM TAKE THIS AND DO WHAT HE NEEDS TO DO I REALLY DON'T THINK IT WILL CHANGE MY MARRIAGE I JUST HEAR ALL THE DIFFERENT STORY'S ON HOW IT CHANGED THERE LIFE AND THAT GETS MY MIND RACING I CANT WAIT WE ARE IN THE MONTH OF OUR SURGERY'S I GOT ALL MY STUFF DONE AND READY MINE IS ON THE 28TH I AM THE SAME AS YOU I KEEP WAKING UP THINKING I WI**** WAS 3 MONTHS OUT ALREADY I AM DISABLED RIGHT NOW BUT I AM WALKING MORE THAN I WAS A LITTLE FARTHER EACH DAY AND FEELING BETTER EACH DAY WOW WHAT A BATTLE MY KNEES ARE BAD SO I USE A WHEEL CHAIR FOR A WALKER AND WHEN I GET TIRED I SIT THEN GO AGAIN BY THE END I AM SO WORE OUT BUT I WILL MAKE IT WELL GREAT TO HEAR YOU DOING GOOD KEEP UP THE GREAT WOK AND GOD BLESS!!!
Michael A Thruman Sr
Wow! Thank you for putting this out here for us to see. We have so mu*****ommon. I know the right answer is to say that I'm doing all this for myself and I am, but if I were truly honest I would say it's for my girls first and foremost.
My daughters are still young but aware of what is going on. They are 7 & 8. So they will have memories of Mommy being overweight but hopefully they will be very cloudy and not thought of often. I want the new outside me to take over. I have worried about them since before they were born. I didn't want them to be overweight and have to go through the same things I went through growing up. I haven't been too successful. They are not way overweight but they are...thicker, I guess, than other girls. LOL
Of course they are growing up differently than I did. I had 5 older siblings that alternated between spoiling me rotten and torturing the mess out of me. My father was the silent type and my mother was the loud, controlling type. Not placing blame on anyone, but alot of who I am is because of my family and how I was raised. I would say that is probably true of most of us.
I want to be successful with this surgery. My husband would rather I didn't do it, but he supports my decision. I have been doing the liquid diet thing for 2 months already and I have struggled with it. The whole "not eating" got to me and I would feel myself get majorly grumpy. After I got my date last week, I continued the liquid diet but then realized that I wanted to eat. I would start the liquid diet up again 2 weeks before surgery but I wanted to eat at least a few things before surgery. What a mistake! I got so sick off of some things. But then again...maybe it was a blessing. I certainly have no cravings for pizza anymore.
I started the liquid diet again this morning and I know I can do it without worry this time. Hey I only have to do this for 2 weeks and then my life will be different forever!
I've never been thin. I don't know if I ever will be thin. I don't know how low I will get, but I'm doing this to save my life...not look good in a bikini.
Good Luck July buddies!
My daughters are still young but aware of what is going on. They are 7 & 8. So they will have memories of Mommy being overweight but hopefully they will be very cloudy and not thought of often. I want the new outside me to take over. I have worried about them since before they were born. I didn't want them to be overweight and have to go through the same things I went through growing up. I haven't been too successful. They are not way overweight but they are...thicker, I guess, than other girls. LOL
Of course they are growing up differently than I did. I had 5 older siblings that alternated between spoiling me rotten and torturing the mess out of me. My father was the silent type and my mother was the loud, controlling type. Not placing blame on anyone, but alot of who I am is because of my family and how I was raised. I would say that is probably true of most of us.
I want to be successful with this surgery. My husband would rather I didn't do it, but he supports my decision. I have been doing the liquid diet thing for 2 months already and I have struggled with it. The whole "not eating" got to me and I would feel myself get majorly grumpy. After I got my date last week, I continued the liquid diet but then realized that I wanted to eat. I would start the liquid diet up again 2 weeks before surgery but I wanted to eat at least a few things before surgery. What a mistake! I got so sick off of some things. But then again...maybe it was a blessing. I certainly have no cravings for pizza anymore.
I started the liquid diet again this morning and I know I can do it without worry this time. Hey I only have to do this for 2 weeks and then my life will be different forever!
I've never been thin. I don't know if I ever will be thin. I don't know how low I will get, but I'm doing this to save my life...not look good in a bikini.
Good Luck July buddies!
Wow! That's a long liquid diet! I did months worth of last suppers and gained some weight. Then I set a date to start the low carb thing. It was weird eating things that I knew I would never eat again (donuts (well I can have eggface's), regular pasta, biscuits and gravy, etc) and I found that really they didn't taste that great. The day before I started the diet I went to breakfast to get biscuits and gravy and they were cold and tasteless. I know that down the line I can eat most anything, but I don't want to. I have to maintain my weight loss. I think that is the most daunting thing. I have never been thin. I have no clue what my adult body looks like. I am so excited to see what I look like under all of this fat. Will I like what I see? Will I like it too much and become self-absorbed and materialistic? I guess just like everything we have to find balance. I want to change the outside and the parts of my inside that made me fat in the first place. But I want the core of myself to stay the same and to flourish. I want to find the courage to figure out what career I want and to go after it. I want to play with my kids and snuggle them close on my lab. I want to enjoy an exciting sex life with my husband. I want to enhance my life and my relationships. I don't want to become dissatisfied with them and want something different. I think that is my fear. That I will lose weight and decide that I want a different life. That breaks my heart at the thought. I love my husband and my family. I don't know where this fear comes from. Maybe because when my hubby and I were dating everyone said we were rushing and that I was settling with the first guy that ever gave me attention. Maybe that was the case in the beginning but we have created a life for ourselves. We have 2 darling boys and he truly is my best friend. I love him differently then I did when we got married. We were young and hadn't been together very long (1 year),. Now we have a deep loving relationship. I don't know why I am scared this is going to change. I guess maybe on some level I don't feel like I deserve to be happy for the long haul. I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe this is because my parents got a divorce when I was 16. I thought my life was perfect and the rug was pulled out from under me. That is when I started eating too. I need to truly believe that people do get to be happy and my life can be good. I don't have to "outgrow" a marriage like my mom did. My husband is not my dad. We are not my parents and our story doesn't have to end up like theirs. They are both happy now with other people but me and my sisters paid a big price for that.
Wow!! That was a serious Ah Ha moment. I guess I have never put two and two together like that. Oh my gosh! What a realization. I'm sorry that I didn't respond much to your actual post but thank you for getting my mind on this path and for listening!
Wow!! That was a serious Ah Ha moment. I guess I have never put two and two together like that. Oh my gosh! What a realization. I'm sorry that I didn't respond much to your actual post but thank you for getting my mind on this path and for listening!
Soooo weird! We have too many of the same feelings.
I've never been thin either. People have asked me what my goal weight is or what weight I think I would look good at and I am dumbfounded. I have no flippin' idea! I know that I will have to work on my self-image quite a bit.
My sister has some ladies at work that had the surgery that have gone party crazy to the point. They are always at the bar after work now and I think one of them is showing signs of cheating on her husband. My sister doesn't know that as a fact, but the ladies' husband has asked my sister if she knows if anything was going on. So he has suspicions too. My sister just keeps telling me that I better not act like those two. I truly don't think I will because #1 I'm married and #2 my momma didn't raise me that way.
My husband was my first real boyfriend. I was 24 when I met him. I was out of college, had a job, and had planned my life around no man ever wanting to be with me. Surprise! Someone loves me for me! Did I settle because he was the only one showing me attention? Probably...but I couldn't have a better husband that I lurve with my whole heart! He doesn't drink, has always had a job, is a good father, and doesn't like to watch football...and he can cook! When I first met him, he did remind me of my father and I think that attracted me to him, weirdly. Well, not too weirdly, because my dad had just passed away the year before.
I would like to do things after I lose weight that I won't do now. Pretty much everything! In college, I was a classically trained singer. I was pretty good. Could I have made the big time and sang at the Met in New York? Well, we will never know! My voice is still good and I'm not singing opera like back then, but I've have been asked to sing in a band. LOL And you know why I haven't said yes? I think you can figure out why...
I could go on and on...
Thanks for opening this line of conversation. I feel like I'm getting some free therapy!
I've never been thin either. People have asked me what my goal weight is or what weight I think I would look good at and I am dumbfounded. I have no flippin' idea! I know that I will have to work on my self-image quite a bit.
My sister has some ladies at work that had the surgery that have gone party crazy to the point. They are always at the bar after work now and I think one of them is showing signs of cheating on her husband. My sister doesn't know that as a fact, but the ladies' husband has asked my sister if she knows if anything was going on. So he has suspicions too. My sister just keeps telling me that I better not act like those two. I truly don't think I will because #1 I'm married and #2 my momma didn't raise me that way.
My husband was my first real boyfriend. I was 24 when I met him. I was out of college, had a job, and had planned my life around no man ever wanting to be with me. Surprise! Someone loves me for me! Did I settle because he was the only one showing me attention? Probably...but I couldn't have a better husband that I lurve with my whole heart! He doesn't drink, has always had a job, is a good father, and doesn't like to watch football...and he can cook! When I first met him, he did remind me of my father and I think that attracted me to him, weirdly. Well, not too weirdly, because my dad had just passed away the year before.
I would like to do things after I lose weight that I won't do now. Pretty much everything! In college, I was a classically trained singer. I was pretty good. Could I have made the big time and sang at the Met in New York? Well, we will never know! My voice is still good and I'm not singing opera like back then, but I've have been asked to sing in a band. LOL And you know why I haven't said yes? I think you can figure out why...
I could go on and on...
Thanks for opening this line of conversation. I feel like I'm getting some free therapy!
Wow! We do have alot of the same things going on in our lives! Its so funny that you mention your hubby reminding you of your dad. My husband looks like my dad! He hates when I say that, but its true. I went to Japan on a missionary trip the month before we got married and when I saw him for the first time at the airport all I could think of was how much he looked like my dad! LOL!! I think we will be fine because we are aware of what we are thinking. My hubby and I just spent the last 45 minutes talking about my post. I read it to him and he wasn't fazed by the fact that I have a fear that I might not want to be with him. He knows me and he is confident in our relationship. If he acted all jealous and hurt then we might have some serious issues. He is also rising to the occasion to change his life and habits too. I think that is important too. You have to be on the same page (or at least the same chapter!) with your partner. After myself, he is the most important person in my life. Even before my darling boys. Don't get me wrong. I love my kids fiercely and my life is so much better with them in it. I cannot imagine a life without them but I love myself and my hubby just a bit more. I know some moms might feel differently but that is how we roll and it's working for us. My kids are loved, happy, and healthy! And they will benefit from having parents that are not dependent on them for their happiness and self worth. Alot of moms are dependent on their kids and I am happy that my hubby and I are different.
I think you should totally pursue your singing! This surgery is going to give you the chance to feel good about yourself and the confidence to fulfill your dreams! This is such an exciting time for all of us! I am so excited to share this experience with you!
I think you should totally pursue your singing! This surgery is going to give you the chance to feel good about yourself and the confidence to fulfill your dreams! This is such an exciting time for all of us! I am so excited to share this experience with you!
Don't worry. I was 21 years old when my mom had her gastric bypass.. She's over 100 lbs lighter now, nearly a year later and I honestly don't really remember her being as big as she was. Occasionally I'll see a picture of her that way but I just don't feel like that was ever a very good representation of the way I felt about her. Sure I saw her like that rvery day for most of my life... but I never really saw it for what it was. I do see the difference of course but I guess I don't see it as how much she's different... but how much she looks and feels like I've always seen her. The best part of it all is how much more she's able to do. I never thought I'd see my mom ride a bike, but now she wants me to give her the extra key to my bike lock. :)
I think we all have to learn that happiness is a choice. We can always find things to be unhappy about. But if we choose to live that way we are going to miss out on so many great things. So choose to be happy today! This is an exciting time! You are loved by a great guy (from what I can tell by your other posts) you have support from friends both cyber and otherwise. You get to have a surgery that will change your body and add years to your life! It will all be good except when its not but that will pass and more good will follow! Talk to you soon!
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