Disappointed in myself this year

I weighed 245 pounds when I went for my WLS consult around this time two years ago. I weighed 240 day of surgery. I stand 4'11.5". I managed to get to 154 this year but I have pretty much maintained at 155. This year has been very stressful. My husband was sent to Guantanamo Bay for 14 months. He comes home, finally next month on the 10th. I weighed 164 when he left, got to 154 in January... and I am back at 164 today. I gained just in the last couple months. I know that the loneliness got to me. I had a 20 year old, a 13 year old and a 2 year old to take care of...and its not always a lot of fun. lol Hubby visited during the year twice and each time I lost several pounds while he was here (I even saw 149 for a day!)...and promptly put them back on once he left. I've fallen into the old trap of eating late at night, grazing, and snacking on tootsie rolls mindlessly. Although I am not freaking out about the weight gain, I am disappointed. Remember when we first started out and we said a lot of "OH, I'd never do that!" when we'd hear vets complaining about going back to bad habits? I understand now how easily it happens. I do want to say I LOVE being a size 14. After 17 years of being morbidly obese, I will NOT complain about my size now. My shirts are sometimes size small, depending on the cut! In fact it seems that I've lost all th fat uptop and my bottom half just needs to catch up. I've gone from apple shape to pear shape! I was thinking about this the last couple weeks... I am certain that my brain has finally had time to catch up with my wieghtloss after mostly maintaining for a year. So now I am feeling fat again...because I am still obese at this weight for my height. That changes in just 15 pounds though. Who knows..maybe my body needed the rest. Now its had it and its time to get back to work. I've talked to hubby about it and he's perfectly happy with where I am. I've been morbidly obese our entire marriage (15years), so he's happy with any improvement. Although I am disappointed that I seem to have wasted a year, I also know that without my RNY, I would have GAINED evn more weight while he was gone without it. I would have reached 260. I know it in my gut and in my heart. So I am thankful for where I am at. So, to start on my next journey, which is heading towards my personal goal of 130, I made a consult with a plastic surgeon in San Antonio. Our next duty station is in Japan and we will be making more money, which will be saved to pay for a tummy tuck and breast lift next year. I plan on having the TT and BL next April... even if I can 'only' reach the 140s. My sagging body is really getting to me, so it will be good to know I have this to look forward to next year. I have a feeling this year in Japan will be awesome...and with so many things to do there, the boredom and loneliness will stop. I didn't realize just how much I depend on my husband now. That's one good thinng I did learn this year.

I've thought the same kinds of thoughts....I've "only" lost 60 pounds in the past year (160ish total), and most of those happened in the first part of last year. I'm still above 200 which is so hard for me mentally. Sure I look great, feel great physically, people tell me I look great....so why doesn't it feel that way???? My brain still sees a 2 in front and says "failure"....sad huh? Of course, I've had THE most stressful year of my life this past year as well....and the Cheez-its are my downfall....as is the sporatic exercise....so I know the things to change, but I still have a hard time doing it. I'm glad you have hope and are looking forward to Japan...that sounds exciting and like the fresh push you need....and you'll be "exercising" with your husband more right!? heehee... Christina S