Feeling Blue

I feel a constant undertone of sadness....I am on anti dep. but..still..whats going on. Is this the emotional up's and down's they speak of? I have lost 30 pounds...thats great...but I dont feel like WOWOWOWOWOW My smile seems to be hiding....Im teary.... Am I mourning my food? My meals are so uneventful and diff from others...I miss having dinner on the weekends with my hubby. Which in all honesty meant going to pig out till I felt I could puke..and then feeling bad about myself. I dunno..sorry if this is a pile of confusion... If someone can relate PLEASE respond... Thanks Kids....you guys are the best Linda

I just had surgery on 7/31, but I have noticed that I kind of mourn food. It was linked to a lot of things in my life. My family uses it to celebrate (going out to eat for birthdays as well as just going out to eat a few times a week together). My son I am ashamed to admit is also used to it. However, prior to this I would try to order him nutritous stuff out to eat instead of kid's meal junk. I would try to split an order of chili beans wih him and a side salad stuff like that.....because I don't want him to be obese. He wanted to know yesterday when we were going out to eat! We did end up taking him to Burger King (he had appleasauce instead of fries, milk instead of soda) because what was the point in going to our usual sit down restaurants when I can't eat anything they have yet? I know I will have to wean him off of the going out to eat thing because it does get costly and makes it harder to eat right..... I also think the smell bothers me more than anything.....if I smell it I tend to have thoughts like "oh, that used to tatste so gooood"! But I know it's head hunger because I am not hungry! My parents went to their friends house the other day for a cook out and we were invited, but didn't go because I knew the smell would drive me crazy! I love cook outs and cook out food! So I was like I am not going to torture myself! Grills give off a lot smells!!!! I also know what you mean about eating with hubby.....eating has been one of our favorite past times as a couple......trying new stuff....different restaurants.....so yes, I can really relate! I am hoping that once I can eat solid food I can start trying out nutritous recipes and include my family in eating with me more which I think will make it better for me. I also eat with my parents a lot when my husband is out of town for work and they are willing to try some new stuff....we discussed it before surgery so I think that will help as well......hope things start to get better.....maybe we should just try to look at this stage as temporary since we will eventually be able to start solid foods.....then when we start solid foods we can include our families in eating with us....I was never a cook before, but I am willing to try now.....Monique D.

Linda- The early part of our journey is a rollercoaster of emotions. Some days I'm ravenous with head hunger and just want to stuff myself silly with foods I know I can't eat and don't want to eat anymore. I try to pass that feeling by drinking more and making good choices. Remember too that fat stores estrogen, so you've got tons of extra estrogen floating around in your body....hence the emotions. You could also be mourning food. Trust me....the first time my hubby and I had a spat post-op was the worst! I wanted to eat something sweet and chock full of sugar so bad! I had a lightbulb moment....food was my comfort more than I realized. SO...I had a bite of a carb-heavy snack and then let it go. I know that won't work forever, but at that moment, it worked. Try to make your meals more appealing. Are you eating on a small plate with real silverware? Are you trying to eat something similar to what your family is eating? You'll be able to go out with your hubby again....give it time. If you must, you could always go and order just a plain chicken breast and chop it into tiny pieces..and then chew chew chew....or fish...or beef...whatever you think you can tolerate. Then you'd have a ton of leftovers, but you'd have the experience. And yes....30 pounds is great....keep up the good work...you can make it though this time...it's temporary (the hard emotions that is!). Hang in there and keep talking..keep being open and honest with yourself and others. Christina S

Please please please know that you vocalized something that exists for so many of us. i am so... irritated/annoyed/frustrated/angry right now. on edge, *****y, pissy and yes sad. i want to EAT. and i know this is good for me and it will get better but right now i want to EAT. i never was a big cake fan and today at a party my husband said "hey this cake is really good" and i JUMPED down his throat. meanwhile, i never would have eaten it when i could because i would have been too full from eating the buffet luncheon. i told someone the other day that i was in shock because i realized i would never again have a hostess cupcake. now, i haven't had one of those in ten years but i just realized i CAN'T have one. i mean i could have had one - the possibility existed - but now it is gone. so yes, i absolutely think we are mourning food. i also think that food served as my drug of choice and now, i don't have that any more. hey - maybe exercise will be my next one . i'm with you honey, this is tough. i knew it would be but i didn't know how very tough it would be. and i keep saying, with all this work - i better be losing weight - and i am but i don't see it or feel it. someone once said this was an easy way out but i have to tell you... this is so freaking hard. i know it will be worthwhile and we'll be healthy but it is so hard. thinking of you... Deb

Hi Linda, From what I know from a good friend of mine that had surgery last November, the first 3 months out are pretty emotional. Our body is releasing all our fat stores which are hormone based. I haven't really craved anything yet, but I have had dreams of being in a grocery store where I first ate a cookie. When that went down OK, I moved on to a pecan pie. I ate the entire pie in the store. When I woke up I could actually taste it in my mouth! LOL What kind of meds are you taking? I know many people that had to change theirs after surgery. I take Cymbalta for my Fibro but it is an anti-depressant. I took one the day after my surgery because if you don't keep them in your system the withdrawals are horrible. Just keep telling yourself that in time you will enjoy eating the same foods as your husband just in smaller portions. Congratulations on the 30 pound loss! That is AWESOME! Take Care, Susan

you are definetly not alone. Remeber we just had pretty major surgery! Its a mixed bag of emotions. Lots of things make me cry now. I went shopping with my boyfriend yesterday and got teary in the ice cream isle because I wanted rocky road. Its going to be a bumpy road for a little while, but I remind myself I did this for my health and so I can be around for my family. Keep your chin up!

I love this site, such honesty. I can really relate to what you are saying. I mourned food when I got out of the hospital. I'm alot better now (3 weeks post op). I went to a restaurant with a friend for the first time and had a tuna melt with no bread. I couldn't even get down a quarter of it. I kept picking and picking until I was full. (and that was only because my friend kept commenting on how little I was eating.) But it wasn't that bad. I enjoyed the conversation. I ended up taking 3/4 of the food home and picked on it all day. It still wasn't gone at the end of the day. I ended up just throwing it away. It's even harder to deal with not eating when you aren't losing weight like you thought. I have been at a plateau for over a week. I am only 3 weeks post op, and I am mad that I am not loosing weight and I can't eat.

Obviosuly you see you are not alone We're going through it too! I have had all of the emotions mentioned before and a new one has crept along this week. I am feeling totally disconnected. To everything. My schedule is off. My food used to dictate my life and now with the food paired down to a minimum I am lost. Of course it goes along with the social and all that good stuff, but I am really feeling as though I am "floating" along and looking ofr a new spot to land. THAT sounds kinda new age-ish and BS-ish. LOL In a nutshell, I don't know what to do with my time maybe. OH, how about exercise!?! LOL *sigh*