Negativity,lies, HURTING, SAD would love some advice, prayer, guidence...

My surgery is July 20th at 8:30 and to tell you why I am feeling this way is i was not ready for anyone to know about it. just the people I told and I told them not to say........ I have hypertention, I have a hip replacement"car accedent" and many other things that Ihave reasoning for this surgery. WELL, I tell my My husband of course, My best friend and my father. "I dont speach to my mother she is a very bad alcoholic" My doctor is a friend of the family and is friends with my mother in law..... The wife of the doctor had this procedure about tow years ago and works in his office. She asked if my mother in law knew I said no....... I am not ready and she will not support this for me....DO NOT TELL HER>>>>> SOME HOW She finds out and asks me like this..... SO do you think I am stupid do you think I would not find out.... Why are you doing this to your family >>> Her son.... You have the two boys and I do not feel good about this and why... I asked her how she found out and she would not say.... Later that week she told me she saw me at the doctors because she goes to a doctor in the same building................. There is no doctor in his building he has his own building!!!!!!!!!! I asked if she was sure she wanted to say this... I said what I said above that there is no one in his building and then she back peddled!! Saying oh well, I went to the doctor across the street..... I said no there is nothing across the street! By this time I wanted to jump through the phone......... No only is this woman getting on to me about this hard dicision but, she is now lieing to me about how she found out... she then begins to say she was in the area.... She did not quit! I could not belive this! I knew in my heart she found out from the doctors wife....... My husband was so upset that he called her. Come to find out she has told people about it in such a negative manner that I feel like the fattest grossest thing alive and ........... oh she told my pastor who I see as a father figure and I had a long talk with him and feel better.. But, she is now saying she wants out of our life nothing to do with us and Somone needs to watch the boys... 3 and 8 year olds and My youngests birthday is this 19 and he will be four and we were having a b-day party at Chuckie cheeses and she said she will not be there.. I am going nuts how can she do this to us... Stupid other things she is doing..... took back the cell phone she got as a plan that you get two free phones and one for 9.99 a month which we paid she wants it back.........FINE NO BIG DEAL... Mental game and she wants the reciver for our satilite we got because she again got a deal that you get 4 free set ups for a certain amount.... all things like she is taking us out of the will Wow I was a emotional basket case when my husband kept calling form work telling me all of this..... I NEED PRAYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Melissa, I am sorry for all the drama that is gping on with your monther in law. First, it is a violation of your HIPAA rights that the wife of your surgeon told her. I would call and speak directly to the surgeon about your being uncomfortable w/him performing the surgery as his wife seems to not know about patient privacy rights. Not sure if you should speak with someone about transferring care to another surgeon or if thats even feasable for you right now, I know it would be a disappointment to have to postpone your date, but it may be worth it so you know your rights are protected. Good Luck!!! Sariah 13 more days

People only have the power over you that you grant them. Give this woman back every single dang thing that she wants. Every single thing is another snip at the strings she has used to tie you to her. As for your son's birthday party, honestly it is her loss. If she chooses to deny herself the joy of seeing her grandson, then she is a person to be pitied indeed. Don't ask yourself "how can she do this to us" but rather think in terms of "how miserable must she be with herself that she is trying to hurt us." Don't buy into being her victim. The only victim of her selfishness is her in the end. She's alienating her family and she's the one who will suffer for it, unfortunately. I would, however, have a chat with your doctor and/or his wife about how she broke HIPAA laws by talking about your upcoming surgery to others - even though they may be related to you in some way. They could have a lawsuit on their hands if you chose to press the issue.

Okaaaaay......girl you are really going thru it!!!! The last post was right about the HIPPA law. You could probably even sue for a violation of patient confidentiality if it can be proven! However, if you have to or are going to stick with this surgeon.....call me crazy......but, I would not confront him and potentially **** him off before he has to cut on me.....I would if I were going to switch surgeon's and not use him, but if you are going to use him....wait until after the surgery. Seriously, wait until after...surgeons are human and humans get pissed off......you want him to be in an okay frame of mind if he is going to do your surgery. I may not be best buds with my mother-in-law, but your's is really ! I think you should have a serious talk with your husband.....he needs to take a stand in your defense and not let you get so stressed out before surgery. My husband and I have an unofficial deal that he deals with his parents and I deal with mine if something comes up....(ie one of my in laws did not buckle my son when he rode with them in the car and of course my son told me since he knows you have to buckle up - anyway I was upset so my husband had to talk to them about it.....). This may sound strange to some, but it works for us. I will pray for you and your family during this trying time.... Mo

YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS!! IT'S YOUR HEALTH, YOUR LIFE, AND YOUR FUTURE! IF THAT !%!@!%@ CAN'T ACCEPT THAT, THEN IT'S HER LOSS, NOT YOURS! I bet she's scared for her son to lose you, because the surgical outcome is uncertain. She may be alienating herself from you as a tactic of self preservation in a difficult situation. I don't know what you're relationship has been with her, but she'll probably have a totally different attitude once everthing is done and she knows you're okay. I know she's pissed you off, but once she realizes (unfortunately probably after you're through the toughest part), she'll probably realize how stupid she was to treat you this way (she won't admit it lol), she'll probably try to work herself back into her son's good graces because "she'll" be missing out on his family's happy & wonderful life! It will be hard, but you'll need to forgive her () because again, she may be more scared for you than you or your husband realize (more than she would ever admit lol). If she's still a @^@# after all is said & done, then she's not much of a mother, and your husband is going to have a loss that he may have a hard time dealing with how she could do this to him & his family (he'll need you're love & support in dealing). GOD WILL BLESS YOU, YOUR HUSBAND, YOUR FAMILY IN MANY WAYS THAT YOUR M-in-Law JUST CAN'T SEE!! PRAYER. FORGIVENESS & UNDERSTANDING!!! If she confronts you again pre-op, you might want to just be upfront and tell her that: YES it hurts you that she would feel the way she does, but that you feel that you've made the right choice, and that you sure would APPRECIATE it if she could at least SAY A PRAYER FOR YOU INSTEAD OF BEING SO NEGATIVE & STRESSING YOU OUT!! As for the privacy issue, the only things I would say are that: Depending on your true relationship with the doc & his wife, she may have not actually thougth she was doing anything wrong. Because of the fact that she had the surgery and it's part of her daily life (not anything to be ashamed of), she just made a mistake of sharing something with her friend (your mother-in-law) when she wasn't even thinking about hurting you and getting a tif started within your family. If she's an "aquaintance", and the kind of person who likes to stir up stuff, she was rude and inconsiderate and needs to be confronted (later). If you're not close (friends) with her, you'll have to decide whether she, or her hubby(doc) actually violated your right to privacy. You & your husband should discuss this before taking any action, and I would probably not worry about the extra stress of dealing with this before surgery. Deal with it when your not so stressed out, and you will be able to make better decisions. GOOD LUCK & GOD BLESS!

I forgot to mention anything about the lies. She lied about how she found out because she doesn't want any particular person to be confronted. You've probably stuck your foot in your mouth without thinking, and then tried to figure a way out without hurting anyone, or making anyone mad (I've done it to protect people), that's just what she did!! She's not going to admit lying, and she's not going to tell you who told her!! She's just backed herself into a corner and can't get out because she knows she's been "busted". She's not going to tell you who told her because she realizes the implications of what can of worms she could open (no matter who told her). It may not have been who you think told her directly, she may have overheard a private/group conversation within a circle of friends (summer picnic, 4th of July, church, etc) discussing weight loss, and your name may have been mentioned in the conversation. IT'S HARD TO THINK STRAIGHT WHEN YOU'RE ANGRY OR UPSET. WE THINK OF THE MOST LIKELY POSSIBILITY, BUT THERE'S ALL SORTS OF SCENERIOS. DON'T JUMP THE GUN AND CONFRONT THE WRONG PERSON.

Melissa, sweetie, take a deep breath, okay? I am in total understanding of what you are going through... THE PEOPLE THAT ARE TOXIC, POISON in our lives and think they have a right to judge or to qualify themselves as knowing what is best for us are the people to IGNORE. They cannot hurt you if you do not let them. You feel offended and violated by her and of course, by the person that informed her of your surgery, if that is in fact what happened. But truthfully, your husband would be a great partner if he would have spared you this drama at a time when your are very sensitive, nerves are frayed, you are scared and anxious about a very major decision to change a part of your life that has kept you from being the best you can be. We teach people how to treat us and when we "draw the line in the sand" and say NO MORE!! they don't matter anymore, they fade away. IF SHE WANTS TO BE A PART OF A WONDERFUL JOURNEY YOU ARE TAKING FOR THE BEST SUCCESS AND LIVE LONG COMMITMENT, SHE IS WELCOME TO BE POSITIVE AND SUPPORTIVE, IF NOT, TOSS HER SORRY ASS TO THE CURB!!! You have got to be selfish now. It does not matter what anyone thinks but you. You are safe. I am holding you. A tight hug to tell you that we are gonna be soooooooooo happy and successful after the surgery and throughout our journey. This is going to be life-altering in a positive and wonderful way. A "babe" of a body, a "healthy specimen of a body", heck a "not going to see the cardiologist someday body"....giggle. I am here for you. I will listen. I will keep you in my heart now. I am on Wednesday, July 19th at 7:30 a.m. Take another deep breath and SMILE.............. You are beautiful in every way! ShelleyAnne

Update........ She still is not talking to us and we have passed her on the road a couple of times.... She does not even look our way.... To make things clearer: My primary care doctor is whom I am talking about not my surgeon. My MIL is friends with him and cares for his kids as well. So that is the relationship. My surgeon is someone different so I have confidence that I am being well taken care of. My husband did talk to her and she said all the things at the bottom like about the will and stuff to him. He is a huge part of why I feel better about it because he stuck up for me! I LOVE HIM!! He is my angel and is the one who will post on how I am later. He comes on here to just read and know everything there is to know about this.... He is my rock so I lean on him and I know he can take it. I am lucky because there are a ton of guys who would not be able to stick up for their wives to their mother. He did and I am so thankful! Ok news. We are going to bring a cot and a sleeping bag for my son. The 4 year old. My 8 year old is staying with my family up north... I moved to NC about 7 years ago. I used to live in PA ........LONG STORY>>>>>>>> Anyway we are having the youngest Birthday party this coming Saturday and we will see if she shows up... NOTE: she got aggravated at my brother in law at my nieces birthday party who turned 7 and she stormed off like a child as well. She "my niece" was so upset...this is another example to understand what is going on... Back on topic my son will have his party and we will get new toys for him to play with when we go to the hospital... Besides. It's just my husband and my son going to be there I think my son will keep my husband busy and not be so worried... He will have his hands full. I want to thank you all for all the responses I needed it and wanted to see if I was not the only one who saw it this way... This is a great site and I am grateful to have learned so much from here! 7 more days............ ...... I am packed and getting the house in order. Shopped for odds and ends today and now going to wrap my son's gifts to keep me occupied. Love ya all!!!! Melissa

Your MIL sounds like she needs to get a life ! She ain't happy, and she don't want anyone else to be happy . Ever heard the saying that goes something like this "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" She just ain't worth it! Yeah for your husband standing up to his mom! It says a lot for him . Have a great party ! Get some rest, relax , & forget about that ! P.S. I'm going to steal your sleeping bag idea, I have a 6 yr old daughter who'll be with us at the hospital.