Anyone else keeping their surgery a "secret"?

Hi, Other than my parents, my husband and my 2 kids, I've decided not to tell friends and coworkers that I'm having this surgery. They know I'm having surgery, but they only think I'm having my gallbladder removed (which I am having done also.) I'm having guilty feelings since I've also limited the hospital visitors to those people I've told. Anyone else is not going to be allowed to see me. I just dont' want to explain my decision to everyone, and I certainly don't want to hear any horror stories about my doctor, the hospital, the surgery, etc. Should I just come clean? Amy (only 8 more days!) 7/13

I'm keeping mine a secret too besides my parents and aunt knowing. I'm the same way, i don't want people trying to talk me out of it or the reasons why they're jelous or whatever, i'd rather keep it a secret and when i become thinner then they can know but that's my choice, but you do what you feel is right!! Good luck! Sondra

I know exactly were you are coming from....I have only told my parents, husband, an aunt, a close family friend, and my supervisor with a request that she not tell coworkers. I don't want to hear the negative junk and I want to have a positive mindset for surgery. I may tell more people after but I don't want to hear it.....you just have to decide what is best for you....Mo

Me too..... I did not tell my mother........I told my father and of course my husband....His mother somehow found out or I would not have told her. She would find out sooner or later. I told people I knew would not jusge me. some were like why some were like good for you. I am doing this for more reasons than just to look good....I want to feel well, walk fast or run soon, I want to be able to be around longer... So I am glad I am not the only one not telling everyone.

Amy- You're not alone and you have to do what you decide is best for you. I've only told my husband, parents, a close friend and my boss. I only told my boss because she was super concerned about why I wanted STD. They have all been sworn to secrecy...and so far I think they've all kept it. I too just didn't want to deal with the questions and looks of disapproval. I wasn't going to tell my friend but I started to feel like I was lying to her by keeping it from her so I told her....and was surprised by her reaction (very positive). She did have some questions as did my parents, but I'm the kind of person that rarely makes a rash or quick decision so I think that helped them all know that I'd done my homework and thought it through. I could answer all of their questions confidently...which helped me! But, I didn't want just anyone to know. My co-workers know I'll be out...some that have asked know that I'm out for medical reasons...others just know it's personal and positive (aka, they shouldn't worry!). I'm not going to limit visitors because I figure if someone does find out and cares enough to come visit me I'll have my family around to kick their butts if they get all negative on me. SO....be secure in YOUR decision...it is truly only yours to make. Best wishes for a speedy recovery, Christina S

I'm keeping my surgery to myself. My husband, son and one friend, whose been through this and is my sounding board, know about it. I'm doing this for myself, and not for anyone else. I'm confident in my decision, but I don't want naysayers around me, and I don't want to feel like everyone's watching everything I do and put in my mouth after the surgery. I'm sure they'll figure out I've had "medical intervention" after a while... after all, to quote Star Jones: "What else could it be????" rofl

I have told all my friends, my parents, my grandmother, and some people at work, and my sister she lives in MD she is actually coming up to see me in the hospital which I am happy about, the thing is I haven't told anyone else, not my brother, god parents, cousins, or other family other then said above, I am not planning on telling them either, I have waited a month I can wait more the that they will just be surprised when they see me, I rather deal with them asking then about it then now before surgery about it, so I am with you on keeping it a secret

Hi Amy! Like you, I am not telling a soul at work. Like you, I have told them only that my gall bladder is going to be removed, which happens to be true. I do not want to deal with anybody at work giving me a hard time for being out for this surgery. It is definitely necessary, it is definitely NOT only being done for vanity, and it is definitely not the easy way out. So rather than give them something to buzz about, I have told them as little as possible. I figure they will all start noticing the weight loss, but you know what? People are VERY self centered. They'll know I'm losing weight, but they probably won't have a CLUE how much weight, especially the ones who see me every day A number of my friends know and are supportive, but there again, I have been careful about who I have told. It is nobody's business, really; they don't all call and tell me every time THEY have a medical procedure done! As far as limiting hospital visitors, I've told everybody I'd rather have visitors in a couple of weeks when I am feeling better (AND, of course, when I get home from Brazil, where my surgery is taking place! ) Good luck with your surgery, Amy, and everybody else! Jezia

Hi Everyone, After much soul searching, I decided not to tell my parents about my WLS on 7/13. My parents are against WLS, and feel that it is the easy way out. Based on their behavoir in the past, I know that they will hound and second guess me before and after the surgery. I do not need their kind of stress. Besides my husband, I only told three co-workers at work (I'm a teacher) and I won't see them until September. Waiting for your surgery day is stressful enough without the naysayers and instant experts. This is the second time around for me, I had my stomach stapled in 1998, it was a flop. I know what is ahead for me, and I prefer to stay as come as possible for my surgery. Good luck and a speedy recovery to all Catherine

Amy, Keep it quiet or proclaim on the streets? I wrestled with this one, too. My stand in the end was my body, my business. Like many of you, I have a small circle of folks who are in the need-to-know category because my body and its health are very much their business: spouse, in-laws, parents, immediate superior. My "coming out" to them about the surgery was straightforward, reasoned, and frankly wasn't looking for approval or a blessing. (I'm a notorious hard-head when my mind is settled. ) My most pressing concern has been my students. I'm a teacher, so inevitably I'm going to have former students walk into my room and do a double-take by the end of the semester if not sooner. If my current students pay attention , they might just see the changes occuring seemingly before their eyes! Kids you just can't lie to, especially teenagers, because their BS detectors are hypersensitive when it comes to the adults in their lives. I lie to them and my credibility is completely shot, so I've adopted a wait and see attitude when it comes to my students. If someone asks, I'll tell them. If they look at me quizzically but don't ask, I'm following the "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Kids are fearless, though. If they trust you, they're liable to ask anything! At least it'll be a good teaching moment and frankly a way to keep me focused in these first few critical months. I'm thinking--very preliminary thoughts that have plagued me in the past few sleepless nights coming up to the surgery--should I post before and after pictures of myself in my classroom? At times I think it's self-centered--look at me, kids, see how much I've changed?--when my whole philosophy in the classroom has been about making it a student-centered experience. At other times I think about the meaningful discussions it could trigger: that change is possible, that discipline is necessary, that assumptions about appearances may mask our understanding of the reality of things, etc. I just don't know....rambling 1 am thoughts I guess... In the end, we're all on this journey together, so regardless of who we tell or don't tell, I think all of us need to stick together and say to ourselves and our fellow July babies: Walk proud because we're the only ones who know how every step so far has led us to this moment. All the best--EL