Hard weekend

I drove to Grand Forks ND this weekend for the regional Hockey tournement. While there I stayed with my brother who I haven't seen since my Mom's funeral 5 years ago (he and I aren't overly close). Anyway, not only did the team I was pulling for get upset, but my brother didn't even acknowlege or ask about my weight loss. I didn't want to push the subject but I was really hoping he would bring it up. He is at least 400# if not 450# and is a single dad of a 12 year old. I have lived (as we all have) his denial. I know you can't force anyone to do what we have, it is a very personal decision. For his sake and his son's he needs to do something. He is 53 and has co-morbidties. I didn't want to force the conversation on him but opened the door several times. Even stayed up 2 hours past when I wanted to go to bed hoping the conversation would turn. I'm worried that if he dosn't do something he won't see his son go to college much less graduate from HS. My father died when I was very young and I hate to see this happen in our family again. I've tried to make myself available to anybody who wants information about bypass surgery and have shared my journey with several people. Just not sure how else to get my brother to think about it without pushing to hard. Oh also....Vegas plans are in progress. Paris finally arranged for us to have a sales rep to work with on Friday and we are going to touch base some more on Monday. I should have dates and prices for everything in a couple of days.

Hello Peter, I think it's really difficult to convince friends if not family members of these things. We all want so much to help family and have them live long, pain-free lives - however, family members especially are set in their ways and have a hard time with "advice" I have found - best to live by example and BE THERE when they do come around ask for your help. Just my opinion sweetheart - And don't go looking for validation from everyone - even family! YOU have done an amazing job and if you need validation - come to the board - we've all walked the proverbial mile in your shoes!! I can't wait for Vegas! Thanks again for everything you are doing to coordinate... Take care, Nan

we're patients not evangelists. there are people on these boards who have died as a result of this procedure. it's not our job to talk people into this. that's my opinion.

oh ,my goodness - aren't you handsome, lad?

Sounds to me like good old fashion jelousy, if you were obese it was easier for him to except himself as obese and now that you have had the courage to do something drastic about it and suceed at it, Im sure he just wishes he was in your shoes and at the loosing end of the scale. If you do not have the kind of relationship that you can speak openly to him and that is comfortable for you both maybe you could wright a letter or e-mail and let him know you do not think you are better then him because you have lost weight ,but that you are truly worried about him and remind him what it felt like to loose a father at an early age and explain that his young son needs his dad in his life for many more years, and even that he needs to try and break the cycle so his son does not follow in the unhealthy overweight life style, I know this is hard but its what is best to point out to him that he needs to be healthy for more then just himself, good luck..Lisa MJ

I think you have done just the right thing. You have given him the opportunity to ask you about it. Jay is right. It's not our job to talk people in to this. If he's interested he knows that he can call you. You never know.....maybe he'll check into this after seeing your success staring him in the face! He might be on the phone right now making an appointment. You will be there for him if he needs you, that's all you can do babe! C

Peter, So sorry to hear about your weekend. I know how hard it is to see loved ones who are hurting themselves. Just remember that it is a very personal journey and everyone must decide to have WLS or not by themselves. You opened the door, so if he decides to talk about it, he can. In the meantime remember that it is probably very hard for him to comment on your weight loss-- it reinforces his obesity, which is something you said he is in denial. Don't let his lack of comment hurt you. You look and feel great right? So come here and we'll support you. Lots of Andrea

Peter, You have received such compassionate and wise advice from the people of this board. I really can't think of a thing to add. Just continue to love your Brother and be ready to be there if he should ever need you to be. You are a good man who has made the right choice for you and that is all you can do at this point. Sometimes all we can do is lead by actions and you have done that.. words from a devoted Sister.. Peace Mo