Channan got me thinking......

How many of you are dealing with eating disorders? I know we all had an eating disorder to get where we were at before we had the WLS, but before that did you have any other issues with food?

As I told Channan and pam last night in chat (you all should have some in ) I have issues with Anorexia. Up until I started gaining weight, when I got pregnant with my oldest daughter, I was dealing with Anorexia and Exercise Bulimia. I would go for months just drinking 2 glasses of milk per day and exercising feverishly for up to 3 hours per day. Alot of my issues stem from my childhood. I currently suffer from many other issues including Post Traumatic Stress Social and General and Social Anxiety Disorder and Depression just to name a few. This board is always full of encouragement and hugs, but I also think we need to be real and discuss the dark side as well. This really is the only board that I really keep up with because you guys are so awesome. I love all of you and am glad that I have you guys to encourage me and the ability I have to encourage other people. Before I get tons of emails, I want you all to know that yes I am getting help with the stuff that I need help with, but the eating is stuff I will need encouragement on from you. I still am only getting in half or less of the calories I should be eating everyday, but working on getting in more. Hope this helps someone else that may be going through the same mindset as I am. Take all of you and remember I love you guys!!! Nickie

Nickie- I haven't had any issues with it right now, but this whole thing probably started when I was in the 10th grade. I went to a weight loss camp between 9th and 10th grade and lost 20 lbs. (the guy I liked called me a hippo- so I cried until my parents said they could scrape the money together to send me) and for two years after that, I think I ate MAX 600 calories a day. I had popcorn and diet coke for lunch every day for two years. Then I started yo-yoing. I know I was a size 4 weighed 129 pounds and still thought I was fat. Honestly, I think I butchered my metabolism then and was probably exhibiting anorexic tendencies. I haven't had that issue since the operation, but I am very cognizant of it and see someone to keep an eye on the issue. I totally understand your concerns and am happy to help you in anyway I can (as well as anyone else). I agree this board is wonderful and supportive, and believe tha we should all feel free to express fears as well as wows and success stories. Love you all!

Hey baby-doll, I'm so glad you dragged this out into the light. This is a safe place to express concerns b/c there is NO Flaming on this board!! I know we talked about this last night, so this is a re-run for you, but I want to inform others in our group. I too have had a long history with eating disorders. It started in High School when I would go on starvation diets. I wouldn't eat for a week and I would drop 5-8 lbs. Then I got a bit heavy for a little while (a few months) and then dropped 60 lbs by exercising like MAD and all I would allow myself to eat everyday was a piece of bread and an oraange. Everything else that went in, I would force back up! I was 135 lbs when I got engaged and then went on birth control pills and gained 12 lbs within a month!! I freaked out! There is a significant difference between my engagement pics and my wedding pics. 12 lbs was a whole size. Sooooo, once again I freaked out and started in with the bulemia AGAIN! This continued for two years until I found out I was pregnant. I stopped immediately. At that point I didn't need to force the vomit--morning sickness had taken over! By the time that subsided I was sooo tired of throwing up that I never had the urge again. Then the weight started to pile on!!!!! OMG...more and more and more!!! I was binging without the purging and I got huge! Enter.......WLS. Now I'm down 107 lbs and STILL fighting this demon! I have really tried to up my caloric intake to 800, but sometimes I just feel too guilty to eat. I get scared that the weight will come pouring back on. Last week was a perfect example. I upped my cals and I gained 4 pounds. I have almost lost it again, but I spent this week re-losing those pounds instead of losing MORE lbs. Make sense? I'm a big believer in accountability so I don't BLAME this on any outside force. This is all me! I do, however understand that society's standard of beauty is almost unreachable for 99.5 percent of all women. Models, porn stars, movie stars, are such a tiny percent of our world and yet we use them as a standard of unattainable beauty. It's very hard to compete with women who are nearly perfect to begin with, then have plastic surgery and THEN have all their flaws air-brushed out anyway. I find this board to be particularly supportive. You guys know things about me that my family doesn't even know. My husband has no idea that I am suffering through this right now. And before you all go and encourage me to tell him, let me say that he DOES NOT handle these types of things well. He will not know what to do, he will force me to eat instead of being encouraging and he will use the logical part of his brain (that God gave men) to over-rule this emotional issue. I have always said..."You can't fix an emotional problem with logic!" I know all the facts! I know what I'm doing to my body! And I also know that numbers, facts and reason don't help me with this particular issue! Remember in the movie, "As Good as it Gets", when the lady asks Jack's character, who is a romance novalist, "How do you write women so well?" And he says back to her, " I write like a man....and then take out all logic and reason!" LOL!!!!! We'll get through this babe! We can all lean on each other! Loves to you all, Channan

What an interesting topic to bring to light Nickie. Good question and good thing to think about and get support for. As far as I know, I don't believe that I ever had an eating disorder. Oh my, I used to longingly dream about being anorexic. How sad is our society when a young girl would *want* to be that way because it was socially acceptable? But no, I was never anorexic, bulimic, or really much of a binger. I was always a 'big' (read - tall) girl and was treated like I was fat. So I just ate a lot, and was (AM) addicted to sugar and high carb stuff. Addicted like a drug addict (I'm finding out!) I loved sugar and was in denial about how it affected me, so I never saw a need to stop. I was found to have no psychological issues during my pre-op psych eval, so I suppose I didn't/don't have an actual disorder. Just an addiction I guess! I am going through some serious issues at the moment, however. I am finding it hard to fight the sugar (chocolate) cravings. It's maddening! I am so close to goal, and I am FIGHTING these cravings. OMG, I'm going to go insane. Did I come this far just to fail now and gain my weight back??? HELL NO. But DAMN is it ever hard. I wish I could get into exercising. I hate it, and I'm so freaking freezing cold all the time that I don't want to leave the house once I'm home. I can't wait for summer. I'm hoping that as I do more, that it will turn into a way of life and that will carry me over the next winter. I am so tired of being cold all the time! I read with envy those that get out there and exercise all the time. I wish I could be that way. Take care everyone. I'm thinking of each and every one of the July babies! Hugs to you all! Lisa

Regarding the cold all the time. I am too. However, I read (and I hope it is true) that once our weight stablizes, the cold all the time thing eventually goes away. I'm looking forward to it. I'm freezing. Sometimes I put a heating pad in my bed just to warm my feet up. -Pam