The ones I hate (long)

Today as I was driving down the freeway eating my protein bar and taking mental inventory of my daily protein/carb intake when it hit me!!! OMG...I have become one of those people I use to hate!! You know the ones who exercise EVERYDAY and actually order a healthy meal at a restaurant! I use to think - Hey, if I'm celebrating at a restaurant, I'm going to order exactly what I want! One meal wont make a difference in the "grand scheme of things", right?!?.........WRONG!! The problem was that I celebrated something EVERYDAY and restaurant portions are HUGE and what a coincidence-So was I! Remember the cookies from yesterday? I had three and they were yummy! There are still a ton left and I have no desire to eat them. My mental attitude about food has changed! (not since yesterday)I have let go of food. I eat on different terms now. I don't think about my next meal. In fact-I often forget to make sure that my family is fed because I'm just not hungry myself. This surgery is just a way to start again. It's a way to wipe the slate clean and re-learn how to live in a healthy way. I lurk around on other boards and what I have learned most here at OH is this: Many people think that the surgery will just take care of their weight problem itself. That there is no real effort required of them to lose weight. For some-This IS the case. For others, myself included, complying is the path to success! I DON"T want to get to July, 2006 and think: "I risked my life, the life of my child's mother, my dear husbands wife, my mother's daughter.....I risked having life-long complications...I endured pain and suffering.....I threw up a hunderd + times!!! I risked all of these things to be healthy and damnit!!! I blew it!! Several of you have asked what keeps me motivated to run/work out everyday! Well folks...That's it in a nut shell! I get bummed out sometimes when I don't lose fast enough, but I know that it is not for the lack of trying! Some of us will get to the and of our 12-18 months and be filled with regret that we did not make EVERY effort to use this tool while it still worked! I will not be one of them. I work the tool every hour...every day! Yes, I treat myself on ocassion but not enough to feel guilty about. That is the trick, at least for me!! I wont let this be for nothing and I'm happy to be that person I use to hate! Love to you all!! Your support makes everyday better for me! I am truly thankful to have each one of you in my life!! Blessings! C Leigh

Wow Channon, You have touched my heart once again...good tears if I could cry...but is so stinking cold outside I am afraid if I do, there will be tearsicles...LOL... Seriously C...you are awesome, your inspirational thoughts are helping me regain strength in my own life. I look to you for some form of words of wisdom at least 2 or 3 times a week. I know someone else mentioned this and it is so true...if you are not making me laugh, you are making me cry (good tears) usually from laughing so hard. I hope to chat with you tonight...so far our cable is on the up and up ...knock on wood! Til 10pm then... Mandie

Channon - You really have a poets heart. Must be the Irish in ya. hehehe But, seriously I caught myself doing the same thing the other day. I was always scoffing at the people who counted carbs and protein and exercised ALL the time, and here I am doing the same thing. Well I guess what they say is true, what goes around comes around. Thank you this is was heart warming. I should be in chat tonight. Nickie

Nickie-I'm so bummed that you wont be going to Vegas!! I just love you! You are like that cool kid in High School that likes everyone and doesn't know that they are cool. Does that make sense? C

Yes it does make sense because that is exactly how I was. I was friends with everybody from every group...I like people and not what the people look like...( well back then I was very prejudiced against 'fat' people) Would be fun, but with 2 kids and with my husband gone it is just not possible at all!! Thank you for your compliment though. It is my goal in life to make as many people feel cared for and loved as I can. Nickie

Channon I need you in my life, seriously. The past couple days I'm losing my motivation to run and it's scaring me because I already signed up to do this marathon at the end of May, and I can't just stop training. Granted the temperature hasnt really gotten above zero the past few days, it's too early for me to give up. I have to do my long run tomorrow (9-10 miles) and I'm so nervous I'm gonna talk myself down and out of it tomorrow. I'm losing my good side in everything, even in the things I'm eating. I dont know what's happening to me.

Ash~ I can't aven imagine running 10 miles in one day!! You are so MY hero!! I huff and puff to get through 2.5 miles. My motivation ebb's and flows also. You're not a machine!! We all have those days where we just want to take a day off from the limitations and expectations that we place upon ourselves. There are days that I don't get to run because I am either working or out on the town. I get all freaky about it the next day! It becomes the focus of my day until I can get out there and do it! I don't know what to tell you. I wish that I had better words of advice to give you. All I can say is that in my own little world, regret is the emotion that I most dread and fear!! I hate feeling disappointed in myself. It is so much easier to do the right thing in the short-run than to have regret in the long-run. Pardon the pun!! See you tonight sweetie!! Channan

How profound - and so true! You are definately an inspiration to me, and as soon as my back is better I'll get on track. I hurt something fierce when it's cold outside, and right now it's FREEZING! I'll be better in the spring. That's the goal I've set for myself. I'm hoping to incorporate the habit in the spring so that when summer comes I won't have the "it's too hot" excuse. Pray for my excersize, my back, and my determination. It's so hard. But you are so right! I risked my life - I literally saw my life flash before my eyes, and thought I was dying when my chest cavity was filling with blood and I was being rushed down the hall. It was scary, and now that I'm in the "good part", I tend to forget the bad that came with it, and all that I risked to get where I am. Thanks so much for the constant encouragement - and by being a good example. Love ya hon! HUGS Kimberly 235/135/132

Kimmy-cakes! You are below goal! Can you image the "hard-body" that you would be if you started working out? Sending you prayers-But I don't know how much pull THIS sinner has on the other side of the gates! Tootles... C Leigh

BIG HUGS to you sweetheart!! that was a beautiful post.. really sent from your heart... I agree with you that this tool/pouch needs to be worked and not abused. I do believe that there are a large number of people who have this surgery and for whatever reason do not compliy with the rules.. and there are rules.. to be successful you have to make a full effort. I can see that you do that everyday. It is not an easy thing.. I'm so glad we all have each other to bounce ideas off of and to share the ride.. peace Mo