It's afficial, we split up!!!!

Hi Cheri, I'm sorry that I can't offer you words of wisdom, as I have never been through anything like this, but I can give you my support. I'm so sorry that things are so difficult at this time. I guess the only direction to go from here is up, right? (((Cheri))) --sending you hugs C Leigh

Cheri ~ Sorry to hear about your separation. I've been married just over 20 years (been together for over 24 - since I was only 13 years old). Sometimes I get so frustrated (like last night) and decide to hell with it - it's too damn hard to keep working at it. My husband and I have considered divorce several times but always decided to continue working at it. I feel like my patience is growing thinner each time we have an argument. I'm getting to be too damn old to keep putting up with some of the ****! Since our sons are older (20 and 16), I feel more able to walk out the door than when they were little. He's not abusive in any way; but we just have such different ideas about things that it's frustrating. If you need to talk to someone, please feel free to email me. Use my work email, [email protected]. Take care, Maria And, remember, it's not ALL your fault - there are two people in a marriage.

Oh Cheri hun! {{{HUGS}}} I have never been through that, but I am certainly here for you. Good luck to you. Really focus on yourself and be the person you were meant to be. You don't have to worry about him anymore. Take care sweetie. I'm thinking of you. HUGS, Lisa

cheri so sorry to hear about your break up thats gotta be terrible but you had the guts to realize it wasnt working and that you had to put you and the kids first and thats the best choice even thoght it hurts you and maybe things will work out I hope so...lisa Mj

Ladies, I would like to thank all of you for your support and kind words. Right now it's going to be all about me and my new life. I just applied for a new job at a rehab and keep me in all of your prayers that I get it. I have to learn how to be so NOT dependent on him any,more. Hugs, Cheri

Cheri, I'm gonna be the unpopular one here... but I'm writing this because I think you have spent a LOT of time with this person and you have a lot of love invested in this relationship. I have been married almost 23 years. We bicker and fight and have our problems... BUT... I love him so much and he loves me. We have split up - one time "officially" before when he actually moved out and found an apartment, BUT we came back together. Many of the problems we (and others) face is that we think that the other person should act, and BE a certain way, right? We have in our minds how the other person should live his life, react to us, be with us. However, we can never change "him". He is what he is - farts and all. I know I love my guy regardless of what all his shortcomings are. It took me a long time to realize this. I was DEFINING myself based on what he thought. When I changed that to become my OWN woman... it was a change for both of us. That souhnds rather simplistic, I know. But I truly believe that marriages are forged in heaven. We are with the people we are to learn something. It's pre-ordained. Yeah, I know, lots of you out there will disagree. WHile, damn, I was SO excited to start a new life for ME, I realized that the nw life without him was going to lack something important. So --- at great length --- work it out... or try --- It'll be worth it. Perhaps you need the separation to understand how much you love each other and what you really mean in each others' lives. It's easy to lose track of that after so long. We all become complacent. Love is primary. It makes us. It forms us. It creates an aura of "ok" where we are safe to pursue other things to transform our lives. Especially if you have children, please reconsider. Talk to your pastor. Talk to him. Work it out if it is at all possible. Love and best wishes, Nan

Nan, First of all I would like to thank you for your words of wisdom. You are absolutly right. I do try to change him. But only for the better. We both have alot of qualities that we don't like about each other but we also have alot of goods one. I do want to work it out because I do love him with all my heart and yes we do have children, 4. We are in the process of talking as of last night. Keep me in your prayers that it does work out. He even said to me that we have been together for too many years to just throw it all away.So of course we are going to give it a try. Hugs, Cheri PS Thank you again.

By the way, you look beautiful, dear!

Cheri, I am sorry to hear you are going through this ordeal. I just want to say that I am the type of person that beleives that everything is done (happens) for a reason, some purpose that has already been given to us by God. He is the one that put us where we are and what we are here for...it is up to us to make thoughtful decisions on what outcomes we will have. With that in mind, I beleive that either if this is a temporary separation or if it ultimately takes you further apart, this is the time in your life that God is closest to you and is there to help you work through those issues. If it does take you further apart, don't let yourself think of it as a failure, but an experience learned, and it could be that your relationship with him would be much stronger as friends and not as man and wife. (God is with you and you are not alone, remember when you only see one set of foootprints, it is then that he is carrying you). Love, and best of wishes to you and your husband...I am sure in the end everything will work out the way it should... Mandie

Hi Mandie, Thank you for your support. You are right regarding John and me. God does things for a reason and theres a reason for everything. We talked today and we are going to talk to our pastor and marriage counseling. He even said he would go and talk to a private Dr. A Physiatrist!! Believe it or not!! We have so many good reasons to stay together and work it out. We have a long history together and alot of good times. The good outway the bad ya know what I'm saying? But we are going to give it one more try. Hugs, Cheri