How much have you changed....

Great question, Tammy! And hard to answer, in a way. I actually sort of feel like I'm becoming the "real" me since surgery. For so long, I felt trapped by an outside that didn't reflect my inside (closet diva that I am!). I always tried to look nice (being somewhat vain, and all), but finding clothes that expressed my "inner fashionista" was a lot harder at size 22 than at size 14. I don't think my beliefs or values have changed, but I certainly feel more comfortable being part of the world - oddly more AND less conspicuous, somehow. Still, there are challenges. People do treat me differently, which I have mixed feelings about...and then I have mixed feelings about having mixed feelings - "They should treat me the same! No, wait...Why hasn't that person acknowledged me? No, wait...People shouldn't assign value on appearances! No, wait...Aaaah!" And even now, I often still feel like the fat girl in the room (my brain may never catch up with my body). It's still tough to just accept a compliment gracefully, without pointing out why it couldn't be true. My pcp actually warned me that relationships with friends and family might suffer as people came to terms (or not) with my weight loss. Feelings of fear, jealousy, insecurity, etc. - I know I'd have 'em if the situation was reversed, even though I might love the person and want the best for them! I tried to circumvent that as much as possible by telling my close friends and relatives that I understood they might have conflicting feelings about all this, and that was ok. Wow, that went on much longer than I intended! Oh, well. I'm destined to be long-winded, I guess. Cheers!

I don't feel I personally have changed since surgery. I have never let my weight inhibit me or effect my relationships. Weird but true. I have always been a "healthy and active" overweight person. Until the last couple of years my weight didn't really affect my activity level or health. When I realized that my health was being affected by my weight, and that nothing I was doing was helping me to lose this millstone around my neck *and butt, hips, thighs, etc.*. That is what finally pushed me to look into and have RNY surgery. I actually have been purposely looking to see if I _have_ been treated differently since I have lost 63 lbs. Hmm... I haven't seen it if it happening. I have always met the world face up and eye to eye...worn make up, dressed nicely and in bright colors and clothes that made me feel good. I think part of all of this is the secret: Most of us feel better physically and mentally than we did before. That makes us meet people's eyes, behave in a way that encourages contact and communication. Its a good thing! Now for those weasels out there that want nothing to do with someone who is overweight...well if they mistreated me before I lost the weight they better not EVEN think to come sniffin' round. I lost weight, but they sure didn't have a personality transplant. Last I heard they weren't available. Kathie 285/272/**222**/150ish???