I DON'T HAVE A DATE!!!!

Okay- I need to vent--- I took a deep breath and put my profile up on e-harmony-- actually used what I think are OK pics. Can I tell you how many men out there put "I can't stand someone who is overweight". Tonight I closed three men out who had that on their profile. The thing is, these men were not Tom Cruise look-a-likes. At my therapists suggestion (I am seeing someone to help me find new coping mechanisms --- since chocolate is no longer an option---) I have hid my photo for the first 1-2 email exchanges. I have also had guys who just stop after they see my picture. How can you dislike someone who is "overweight". Does that mean you won't like my family and some of my friends. It just gets me so upset, hurt and angry. And even if I end up looking like a model (which I doubt), how could I date someone who doesn't like overweight people? Do people have any idea just how awful it is to be obese, and how we beat ourselves up over it? I am worried I will distrust anyone who looks at me twice if I become thin. Would I be on their "CAN'T STAND" list if I wasn't thin? How does that change a person. me guys. I am just so sad, and bummed.

Not all men are like that Andrea. How long have you been at the online thing? I met my husband online through Yahoo personals. I was always upfront and honest with my ads and profile. Always having my picture showing right from the get go and telling all that I was in a wheelchair and exactly what I was looking for, I didn't want anyone to email me without knowing everything first, that way I knew they were ok with my weight and my chair. I tell you, it saved a lot of time weeding out the superficial toads. Why would you hide your photos? I didn't look at your profile but I'm sure you are beautiful. Hang in there, I did the online thing for 4 years before meeting my husband. I did meet a few jerks only looking for one thing, I finally put that "must not" in my ad as well..."If you're looking for a fling, I'm not the woman for you". Or something to that effect. It does get better. PS> I was the first woman my husband met online. Janice

Thanks for the words of encouragement Janice. I had tried this before and never lucked out-- never even met someone in person. I decided to try it again, now that I am feeling better again. I will hang in there!

Congratulations on having the guts to put yourself out there by listing on e-Harmony. I don't have an answer for men who don't have their eyes open and aren't willing to get to know somebody who is carrying extra weight. I do understand your concern that you will worry about trusting men who got to know you when you are thinner and that they might not have looked twice at you when you were larger. I know that people's reaction to us changes as we lose weight. I think as you get to know these gentlemen when you are thinner, you will be able to see their reaction to larger and obese people. From that you can guess what they might have thought of you and what their tolerance is. Good luck in the dating wars. There are good ones out there, I've been with my husband for 25 years. He has been with me from large to obese to extra large to ... You get the picture. He has been supportive no matter what my weight. -Pam