Surgery 7/27 I am Scared really scared

Hi All, Am I the only one here is who scared now? I am feeling so afraid, I am crying at the drop of a hat. My mom went with me 2 days ago to sign my consent form and meet my surgeon and decided to tell me then that she did not want me to have the surgery (but that she would support me if I did so). I am her only daughter and she does not want to loose me and I don't want to let her down. I am so afraid right now. I am under so much stress in my personal life right now as well, so that does not help. My MIL thinks I need to wait because of personal stressors (she is not really supportive personality anyway). I feel like I am breaking my mother's heart. I don't want to do that. God forbid something does happen and I will be responsible for the pain I bring her and my family. I feel like I should get off my lazy butt and loose this weight the old fashioned way. It has not worked long term for me up until now though. I am 26 5'2 and weigh 312. I have PCOS and no children I am deeply depressed and not happy with my life. I don't wan't to fail again, I feel scared that I will not stick to my eating plan, I feel scared that I may get lax with taking vitamins because I don't take very good care of myself now. I am worried about my inside anatomy being changed forever and not being a "normal" human being the way GOd created me. I know God does not make mistakes. I am wondering who am I to think I have a right to change God's work. I am feeling so confused worried and hurt right now. I am going to take all of this to my Lord, I know you can understand some of what I am saying. I just don't know what to do. This is real now and after it is done there is no turing back. It is final and I don't want to regret it. When I told my husband how I feel he reassures me that I can not worry about what others think and that I am doing this for me and if I am That Scared then don't go through with it. I know he means well but this did not seem to help me at the time. I know that dealing with depression sometimes makes it hard to make decisions and I am finding this to be one of those times. I don't know how to deal with all of these feelings so I am just putting them out there. So please feel free to respond, I am not sure what to feel. I am an emotional train wreck right now.

Hey there! Well, my story is one of a roller coaster ride. But I overcame my fear with the help of God. I started this journey almost 5 years ago and stopped abruptly when there was a tragedy in my life. In January this year, I came to the realization that there was no other way. My children and husband needed me here...and God made sure that I stayed with them...even after the surgery. I had full confindence in the surgery until I was brought into the operating room. Then, I lost it. Thankfully, the nurse calmed me down and before I knew it, I was fast asleep. You have to turn to God. You have to be at peace with yourself and with God...no one else. One way or another, you will be with Him one day...when he decides. Your surgery is just a day in your life. He can bring you home anytime, not just because you are having surgery. I understand your concern for your mother, however, in the Bible it states that once you marry, you are to honor your husband. If he stands behind you, that is what matters. My mother showed great concern, but it was my husband whom I turned to for my support. Have courage: "Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6 Have confidence: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 (That is my motto) I hope this is helpful. I will pray for you. God Bless- Kadria

I was going to post about the same thing but Kadria put it so well I'll just say ditto. I think the fears are very common and RIGHT. We have to know if this is right for us. I went in to surgery (7/14/05) expecting a lap RNY and woke up with an open because my liver has some chirrosis from the fatty deposits. Had I backed out of the surgery who knows when that would have been discovered. It could have progressed and caused my liver to fail. God's plan is ALWAYS right and he directs us when we listen. Pray about this WITH your mom so she can be at peace also. May God bless you.

Me too!! God Bless Leem

I was scared too going in on the 14th. But once they wheeled me into the O.R. I started to calm down. I thought to myself which is worse, spending the rest of my life being morbidly obese and miserable or taking the chance to start a new life with WLS. Despite the soreness and all--I am glad I got the surgery... The odds are the obesity will kill you before the surgery ever will.... Melanie

It's hard reading your message right now. I am feeling lots of stress and nerves myself. Not to the degree that it sounds you are having. Here is my advice. Picture your self in one year if you have the surgery and everything goes great! Now picture your self one year from now without the surgery. Only YOU can make this decision. You need to decide if this is just fear and nerves that aren't neccessary. Or that you shouldn't do the operation at all. I am so afraid that I will die during the surgery because I have two wonderful kids and a husband whom I LOVE to death and DO NOT want to leave behind. But I am scared NOT to have the surgery because I have a husband and two kids I love to death. I am NOT 100% there for them as it is right now. I can't do things I want to do with them. I am tired ALL the time. My health seems to only get worse each year. I doubt I will live past my 60's if I don't have this surgery. My SIL had PCOS like you. She had the surgery and is now pregnant. She had no problem conceiving this time. And so far no complications. As for the God making us perfect. I think God made me perfect but I continued to yo yo diet and not take care of this body. So I messed up God's perfect creation. God created those talented surgeons who are going to give me a tool to get back to a healthy body. I don't think God will be mad at me for trying to help myself get better. Good luck! I will keep you in my prayers! Linda

LINDA, YOU JUST SAID THE RIGHT THINGS, I COULDN'T PUT IT ANY BETTER? EVERYTHING THAT YOU SAID, ITS SO TRUE! I HAVE 4 KIDS AND A GRANDSON, THAT I ALSO MADE THE DECISION TO DO THE SURGERY. BECAUSE, I DO WANT TO LIVE AND SEE MY KIDS GROW UP AND TO SEE MY GRANDSON GROW UP. I WAS JUST AS SCARED AS EVERYONE ELSE. BUT I PUT MY FAITH IN GOD BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE. HE IS THE ONE THAT GOT ME THROUGH ALL OF THIS, GOD FIRST THEN MY FAMILY.

Thank you to everyone for sharing your outlook on the surgery with me. I am feeling much better today. I got a good rest and prayed on this. I know that Allah (God) has decreed what will happen anyway. I am at this point still going through with the surgery. I think the other thing that made things difficult for me was the fact that when I decided to get back to finishing my testing, my date came very quickly and I don't think I was able to properly ready myself emotionally. I mean I have been at this for the last year, but I was pretty much just getting all the testing done. I will have to leave this with Allah and know that whatever is meant to happen, I know that I want to be a better person and a more sincere believer. I am really grateful for all of you who took the time to come and read and respond. I feel it is also very theraputic to be able to get your feelings out in a real way. I think that is so important and to be true to ones self even if others don't agree with how you feel. I am glad that I got my feelings out and I will continue to do so, I am glad to have people here who understand. Again Thank You All Leem