Keeping Surgery a Secret

My plan was to not tell anyone in my husbands family about my upcoming RNY surgery since they are so gossipy and judgemental and opinionated. I found out that my husband spilled the beans to his mother aka "gossip queen". She can not keep a secret and I'm sure this information will trickle down to everyone else in the big wide family, and family friends. I don't feel it's anyone elses business and my husband doesn't understand that. I don't feel like I need to listen to other people put in their 2 cents about why they would not have the surgery, and how can you do that to your body...a lot of people especially thin people do not understand this surgery.

Wow, I could have written this post myself. We feel the same and are in the same boat...except I do not think my husband has spilled it...yet! His family is gossipy and judgemental and I do nto want to hear it from them, so have not told. My surgery is July 19, 2005. I sympathsize with you. Maybe they will surprise you and not be as bad as you fear. I guess there is nothing now you can do about it anyway, except maybe stay away so you do not hear anything form them negative? I hope it goes well for you! Julie in NC

Amen to all of the above....I am not keeping it a secret, but I have been selective about who I have told. I can't believe how many people have something to say. It's my body, moy choice and my health. I think most people are just jealous. They would like to do something but don't have the courage to make the change. Keep your chin up and don't let anyone make you feel bad. You deserve this! Brenda in Georgia

I can agree with everyone of you. I havent been totally quiet about it I have told those who I believe wont be critics, I have not told my husbands mother or his family. I told a few supporters in my family. All in all I think it is my decision and that is that. There was a guy in my support group who told his family and they talked him out of it twice he said and this last time he was going through the classes (a insurance requirment) he said he would never do it again, and advised us all to be careful who we tell and make sure you know what you want to do, because they will try to talk you out of it. My husband is behind me 100% he said that I shouldnt tell anyone that I dont want to. It is my body and my decision. If I dont want him to mention it then he wont. I asked him what should I say a year down the road when everyone asks me what happened ... or they think that I am deathly ill. He said just lift up your shirt and show them your scar ... He is funny! I told him if I didnt want to tell them in the beginning why would I want to in the end! Everything will work out for you! Just keep your eye on the prize, dont pay attention to those trying to steal it from you! Carrie Surgery Date 7/15/05

Wow ditto..I posted the exact comment as my first post here about 2 months ago, and I also got great advice. Personaly, this is a medical decision and NO ONE needs to know! My husband, parents and best friend know..THAT'S IT! No co-workers, no neighbors and esp. NOT my husband's judgemental family! Even when they see the weight falling off. I will not at liberty to discuss my body and choices with them. And neither are you! I don't want to say anything too negative about your husbands choice to tell his mom..the MAIN person that you wanted in the dark...All I can say is pull him to the side turn off the tv, sit him down and explain to him that this was a breach of trust. You confided in him to keep this within the marriage. Your life is no open book/soap opera/talk show to be broadcasted. This was a confidential discussion between a husband and wife. All you can do now really is damage control..Pull mother-in-law to the side and explain how personal and private wls is to you and to please respect your wishes and not discuss your health/medical buisness with any one. Good luck! Hope this helps.

Hi I agree with all you ladies and definitly agree with the woman who said you should pull your husband and mother-in-law to the side and tell them how you feel. I on the other hand, I don't care who knows or what they have to say about me having the surgery. If anyone says something negative I tell them to mind there buisiness and they have NO idea what it feels like to be me. If that's not enough I tell them to educate themselves before talking to me about any surgery at all. That shuts them up pretty quick.LOL Good luck Cheri

I agree with everyone else. My problem was with my man (together 8 yrs but not technically married) telling his best friend that told his wife--who is not that thin! The wife started talking about it in front of a group of people and then asked me how I would eat afterwards. I told her that right after the surgery I would start liquids then soft and pureed foods then to healthy foods. To which she said "EEWWW I could never eat blenderized food!" I told her, "well you don't put a cheeseburger in the blender you eat stuff that will taste good soft like soups." Anyway, it was alittle embarassing to stand there and defend MY decsion about MY body! I could of killed my man

Looks like there is a common thread for many of us. I too have chosen not to tell anyone but family. I hate to hear people say, "oh you are having THE surgery? That's the easy way out!" If they knew what this process intaled, they would be saying, "why are you having it?" No one but those of us who live with access weight can understand. My question is, what do you say to the people don't see very often, when they ask how you lost the weight?" I don't want to go into the details of surgery. My husband said, "Just tell them you made some major life style changes." That works for me! Have any of you felt this way? not wanting to tell anyone, ever? Keeping the faith as I wait for approval from Aetna... may hear something today. wbit bb

I know exactly how you are feeling. I have chosen not to tell anyone except my family and closests friends. With the new Privacy Act, you are no longer required to tell your employer what type surgery you are having, just that you are having surgery. So I had to tell my immediate workplace that I will be off from 3-6 weeks for surgery, and the "NOSEY" people who keep asking, I have told them that I have a hiatal hernia that needs repairing (which surgeon found during EGD and he will fix it during surgery. And for those that keep on pushing, I have said, "Oh you know how it is, when you get older (I am 49) all your stuff starts falling apart and they have to go back in and put it together." I too am concerned about what to say when it is all done and I am losing weight. Also on the dang impending hair loss AARGGHH...... Sue 273/257/?/150 T-8 days & counting

I know how you feel. I wasn't going to tell anyone on my husbands side because they would have some remarks. So I trusted my mother-in-law that she would not say anythimg to anyone else. I did this just because of my health and to let her know I was going to have major surgery. She promised me she would not say anything, well about 2 weeks later I got a call from my sister-in-law wanting to know why everything was suppose to be hush hush. Well know everyone knows, My husband is livid with his mom and I know now what you don't want someone to know don't tell them. My surgery is on the 5th I can't wait. Betty