Dealing with my husband....

I have gotten my surgery date (Wednesday, July 13th.) I am already stressing to make sure I have all of my tests done and have all of my items bought. I asked my husband to schedule the day of surgery off and a half day (Friday or SAt.)for the day I get discharged. He asks..."You should be ok on your own by Monday, right? This absolutely just blows me away...does anyone else have someone who seems so oblivious to what your going to be or have been through????? I am trying to explain...but he keeps saying...but your so strong normally...whats the difference? I just don't know how to explain it to him. Help me...I am at a loss for words. Kim

Kim, I didn't have any problems since I made my hubby go with me to the seminar and to the appointment when I met with my surgeon. The main thing is to let them know you could die! Geesh! I told my husband that no matter how groggy I am get me out of the hospital bed asap so that I don't get blood clots. He knows what all could happen. I pray it doesn't but he really needs to know that it could.. Did your husband go to any of the meetings etc?

Kimberly, Hi all I can say is that your husband needs to be there with you, during and after. God forbid what if anything should happen. Does he know all the complications that could arise? I'll keep you in my prayers to make sure nothing happens to you and also that your husband is more supportive for you OK? Keep us posted on how YOU are doing Cheri

Kim, I've had numerous surgeries (this will be #8) and have a very supportive husband; however I have never cared if he didn't take off a lot of time from work for the surgeries. As long as he was there the day I had surgery and was able to bring me home from the hospital, I was fine. I may have a different view on things because my husband is active duty Air Force; and we've endured some long separations. As long as he supports you in your decision to have the surgery in other ways, I don't think the fact that he won't/can't take off tons of time should be that big of an issue. My surgery will be in a city 6 hours from our home, and I'm required to stay in the surgery local area for almost 2 weeks. My husband is taking me down and will be there for my surgery (Tuesday 5 July), but he will be leaving on that Saturday/Sunday. I have a good friend who will come down for the second week - just to help keep me company. Do you have a close friend or other family member who can come visit/spend time with you? If you're husband were to take more time off, what would you expect him to do each day - sit with you in your room while you sleep, stay at home and call you at the hospital, ??? With a couple of my surgeries, I was almost glad to see the hubby go so I could finally rest and recuperate instead of entertain. I know that not everyone will agree with me on this one; but as long as he will be there for you on the day of surgery (assuming you have no serious complications) and fully supports you in other ways, I see no need to dwell on the fact that he won't take a lot of time off. Best of luck, Maria

Hey July 13th buddy!!! Please don't take this as him not being supportive. My husband won't be there either. Are you having Lap? You should be much better by the weekend from what I've seen from other post-ops I've met. I don't know about your situation, does he getpaid for taking time off? Is it real busy at work? I think he will start to come around the closer it gets. My situation is different, my husband is a self employed trucker and won't be home at all except for afternoons until the Friday after mine. I am self paying and we can't afford for him not to work. He doesn't really think this is that serious, I too wish mine would be more concerned but I try to look at it this way, I'm worrying enough for the both of us. My in-laws are in town so my mom-in-law can be with me if I need her. Too bad you weren't here, we could be there for each other. Good luck. Janice

I am not worried about my bf getting the days off from work because his job has already said it was ok. He has been supportive of me going to the seminar, making sure I made my appts, pestering thdoctors about the psych eval so I could go pre register. And yesterday out of the blue he was like why do you need surgery you can learn to eat smaller and loose the weight without the surgery. When he said it I think my head spun around like the girl in exorcist. But I let it pass and he woke me up early this morning to discuss it again and this time we were yelling. Now he is playing nice. But I don't know how to explain to him Ive done the fad diets and they didn't work. That if I want to live I need this surgery. I think my fear is he won't take me to have my surgery. So I am having to think of back up plans.

Hi Kim, My husband is very supported he is not really excited like I am because I am a severe asthmatic and he is afraid they will not be able to get me off of the ventilator. He is taking off the day of surgery and if everything is fine he will return to work the next day. I was very sick back in Aug 03, and my husband only left my side to go to work all the rest of the time he was at my side. Due to the fact they didn't really know what was going on with me. I was therein the hospital 4 months he told me this time that he knows what is going on , and he feels more safe, Betty Gaff

Kim, I thought my husband was the only one being an a** about this. I have asked him several times about going to the hospital with me and being there with me for discharge the next day. He said we would see, not sure if he can get the time off work. I told he needs to be there one way or another. I did explain that yes I could die but he is one of those people that think it will never happen to us. I think he might be scared and thats why he is putting it off. I hope in the end he will be there. Tessa