Telling your kids

This might sound weird but I still haven't told either of my kids. I am most worried about telling my daughter. She is 7 and has no weight problems what so ever. I am really stressed about telling her. I don't want to lie to her. At the same time I don't want her to get the wrong impression and think "being skinny" is so important that I am having surgery to do so. Nothing could be further from the truth really. I am so hoping to FEEL good and be healthy. And of course not really expecting to come out "skinny"...that was an exageration really. What matters to me is being able to play with them, being active and feeling healthy again. So that is what I am going to focus on when I tell them. But I still don't even know the words to say to them at this point. Anyone else nervous about doing this? What are you going to say? Also, I am going to have a hard time not crying and hugging them like I will never see them again when I leave for the hospital. I am going to do my best not to make a fuss and scare them though!!!!!!!! Linda

Hi Linda I have 2 daughters they are older 16 and 21 but I did not tell them I was going to Mexico for the surgery untill it was over with. That way they didnt worry and now they know they will have a happier and healther mom. I would down play the whole thing and explain it to her when she is old enough to understand. Good Luck, Wanda

Linda, I can't answer this question. It's just too hard. It has stirred up many sad thoughts for me. May God bless you and GUIDE you.

Hi Linda I too am struggling with the exact same thing. How do you tell them? My kids are 9, 15 and 16. The older two are step children that are with us part time but nonetheless a part of my life and heart. My guy tells me I need to tell them whats going on and what Im about to do so they can be supportive. I just looked at him & said how are they going to be supportive? By not eating pizza, cookies, ice cream and every other kind of junk that kids love (they are all thin) in front of me? I cant help but think that they will just be like "why dont you just shut your mouth and stop eating, why do you have to have an operation?" You know how literal kids are. My little one knows Im having an operation on my stomach and that eventually Mommy will lose weight and be able to play with her more -- I made it all about her and the time we spend together. She is ok with it -- the older two dont know anything other than Im going to have surgery -- Ive given them no details. We are close but Im still trying to figure out what to tell them. You arent alone ... Ive just got to trust that God will give me the right words & time to explain it to them. Deb

Hi Linda, My daughter is only 16 months old, so I don't really have to sit down and explain anything to her. But it will be hard being away from her while I'm in the hospital. Maybe if you stress to them the health aspects and say you are doing this so you can do more with them and you can be around longer for them, not so you can be skinny and look better. I'm sure when my daughter older I will talk with her about this. Good luck with everything. ~Daniela

This one I have some input on - my daughter is 12 and we have discussed it already - she of course knows that dad already had this surgery. She also has a weight problem and has made comments that I am cheating to lose weight. I am not sure how this is going to play out after the surgery since food is already an issue in our house. She has changed her mind about 3 times whether or not she wants to come to the hospital or stay with a friend for the surgery (it is 3 hrs away). I guess it depends on the age of your child on whether or not to discuss it with them and also on their maturity. A 7 yr old may not be able to understand the whole thing so just telling her you will be in the hospital for a surgery in a very general way may be the best thing - just my opinion. Older kids will be upset if you dont discuss it with them - They always feel like they have a "right" to know what is going on. Well. my daughter is rushing me right now to get out the door so see you guys for now. Carie

Linda, I have a 13 year old daughter. I can only tell you my situation...your daughter is a bit younger. I sat my daughter down and explained what complications I was having...and how I was in pain. I made sure she had a complete understanding of my physical condition. I then explained the surgery and what problems there could be. MY daughter's first reaction was that she didn't want me to lose weight...she didn't think I was fat (boy...the love of a child) I reminded her of things that she has wanted to do...but I was unable to do them...and I explained that losing weight will allow me to do those special things with her. She is now talking about stealing my little clothes. She is getting more accustomed to the idea..but she is still worried for me. I personally don't recommend not telling them...its just figuring out how to tell them. Best of luck Kim

Hi Linda! I have four kids but only two of them are old enough to understand what's going on with mom. I have a 7 year old daughter who is tall, blonde and thin like her dad and I also have a 6 year old son. I have talked to both of them about the surgery and I have to say, I didn't give them enough credit. I didn't think they would react well and I was sure I was going to make them think that the world revolves around being thin, but they are smart kids. I explained everything and started talking in circles then my daughter put her hand on my head and said "Mom! Chill out! This is going to make you really healthy and that's cool!" I was shocked to say the least. We then had a chat about being thin vs. being healthy and they both seem to have a firm grasp on the difference. My son looked at me and said, "Mom...If someone doesn't want to be my friend or play with me because of how fat or skinny I am they can just kiss my butt!" LOL I laughed so hard and realized that I was stressing over nothing. If I make this out to be a "weight" thing, that's going to rub off on them, but if I make this a "health" thing they will benefit from it. I have also taken them to the hospital to visit two of my friends who just had the surgery just to aleviate any fears they might have had about mom being in the hospital. They did great!!! I guess what I'm trying to say is that sometimes we make a bigger deal out of things than is necessary. Kids are smart! Love them with everything that's in you and teach them to value their insides and their outsides and everything just seems to balance out in the end. HUGS~ Jo

Jo- You were right for sure! Thanks to everyone *****sponded to this post of mine. I finally told them yesterday! It wasn't so bad. My hubby actually started the topic. And I was shocked (I felt a bit like someone pushed me off a cliff). However, they seemed to handle it fine. We told them I was having an operation that would help me be healthier and hopefully get my off blood pressure medication. They asked a few questions. But didn't seemed freaked out at all. I was very relieved! Thanks again to everyone *****plied with how they handled this!!!!!! Linda

Linda, I have a seven year old daughter and I can't really remember how it came about but I just told her. She watches a lot of discovery health and loves to watch operations (maybe she will be a doctor someday and take care of her sweet mama! haha) Anyway tonight she did make a comment today that some people die when they get put to sleep and that she hoped I didn't die. I told her that some people do die but I had been put to sleep before when I had knee surgery and my hysterectomy in December. She seemed okay with my response so I am just going to leave it at that until she needs to talk again. She's very mature for a seven year old. My Mom, Aunt and Uncle however, are a different story. I am not telling them because they are the biggest worry warts on the planet and they will try to talk me out of it. I can't handle that right now. I would rather just have it and then tell them afterwards when they have noticed how I am losing weight! Good luck on your transformation! Tammy 34 days and counting!!