Significant Other Insecurities

Hey guys .... Have any of you encountered your significant others insecurities about your WLS? Let me explain further.... My guy has said on numerous occasions that when Im at goal (or even way before) that Im going to leave him for a younger man (he's 10 years older). He has been very supportive of me thru this, just wants me to be around and be happy and healthy (none of which I am currently). His comments bother me. I mean hey, when we met I was overweight -- Ive gained 50lbs since we met 5 years ago. We've build a life together, raise each other's kids as our own, own a home,,, etc .... he's loved me for the person I am ..... why would he think my feelings for him would change. I just needed to vent --- has anyone else come across this? I wish I knew how to curtail his insecurity. Deb

My hubbie is about 19 years older than me and deep down he is a little insecure too. He said he loves me no matter what my weight is and wants whats best for me. I think some men (in general) seek women that are heavy thinking that the extra weight we are carrying means that other men won't look at us. But once we slim down, they are afraid younger males will want us. I suppose re-assuring them now might not calm their fears. I suppose the only thing you can do is continue to show your love and devotion to him long after surgery. If you guys trust each other, you'll make it thru. Sad to say the statistics show divorce rates are high for WLS patients. It seems as though that fat is a security blanket for the partner not getting the surgery. Good luck Melanie

OMG!!!! When I read your post I thought I had wrote it. My man is 10yrs older than me and has always been a little jealous since I met him. But since I started on my journey he keeps saying I know once you loose the weight you are going to leave me. I keep telling him if I wasn't good enough for another man when I am this big they ain't worth my time when I lose the weight. He tells everyone she is going to leave me when those pounds go off I just know it. My mom tells him he is just crazy. He is being supportive making sure I make all my appointments and helping me pay for the surgery. But he is scared. He has recently asked me to marry him and i said I would whenever he is ready. But I think he just asks me to see what I say.

i havent even told my h i have a date yet... we havent talked much about it. its something i have to do .. and well i value is opion but its my choice...... mabe i would like him to be jelous of me for once lol

I can understand what he's thinking as well as you. WLS is hard on any relationship from what I've been told. My wife has told me she's afraid I might leave her for a heaver lady when she starts loosing weight. Heavy women for some are considered "safe" by some. All you can do is express your true feelings and it'll be up to him whether or not he can deal with it. There have been many, many broken relationships that have come out of WLS. Might not hurt to start marriage counseling now for some to help prepare for what's ahead. Best of luck!

Deb I've seen and heard of many that think the surgery will not change who they are right now and they will be the same person after surgery. I'm am 1 month pre-op and have lost 50 pounds so far before surgery and I have already seen the way people look at me differently. It's because I am feeling better about myself and others see that I am more confident. When people start taking notice that you are looking better and sexier than they have ever see you, a person can't help but to enjoy hearing the comments and noticing that men are taking a second glance. It does help with your self esteem and you feel so good about the decision you made. Don't give your husband a reason to be insecure. Tell him how you feel about the comments and attention your getting and if you can, keep a daily journal to help you stay focused on what you have NOW, so that when you do start hearing the comments and you're feeling more confident, you can refer back to the days when "your husband" was the one who loved you when you were heavy, and "your husband" is the one who helped raise your children and "your husband" is the one seeing you through this journey and "your husband" will be the one who will continue to love you for who YOU ARE, not for how heavy you are or how skinny you are. When you start getting comments and glances from other men, and it WILL happen, ask yourself where they were when you were a heavy person? Communicate with him and don't give him a reason to be insecure. I hope things go well for you, Teresa 1 month pre-op; WLS: 07.18.05