I'm so tired of negatve comments!
One of my best friends really bothered me tonight. We are close to the same size, she doesn't really believe this surgery is the right thing. She is trying to be supportive but she's driving me crazy. Her brother had surgery last year, did wonderul but she feels the need to compare us. "Just so you know, my brother has gained some of his weight back"...."You know you won't be able to have .... anymore?"...."my brother eats normal amounts now"...."your stomach will stretch back out".... "I know how much you like food blah blah blah"...
She doesn't know what exact type of surgery her brother had, he had a different surgeon and he didn't go through the intensive program I'm going through.
I get so frustrated, I finally told her tonight if she can't be supportive I won't talk about it with her. It won't ruin our friendship but she just won't be the person I confide in. Then I come home and get quietly upset with my new husband because I tell him I have a date (July 13th) and he says "I don't think i will be in town." He's a truck driver and hauls mobile homes in a 200 mile radius. he's gone anywhere from 2-4 nights a week. Am I wrong to feel totally horrible about this? Why can't he see that it's the husband thing to do? He should move heaven and earth to be there with his wife, right? Let me add something, he is self employed and if he doesn't haul a house, he's out the money and we are self paying for my surgery.
I have my monthly visitor right now and I know I'm overly sensitive but man, I can't wait until this is over. You wonderul people are the only people I feel understand.
I just want to scream at the top of my lungs because I'm so happy but I want be to feel the same way I do, instead of the negatives.
Anyone else going through this?
She doesn't know what exact type of surgery her brother had, he had a different surgeon and he didn't go through the intensive program I'm going through.
I get so frustrated, I finally told her tonight if she can't be supportive I won't talk about it with her. It won't ruin our friendship but she just won't be the person I confide in. Then I come home and get quietly upset with my new husband because I tell him I have a date (July 13th) and he says "I don't think i will be in town." He's a truck driver and hauls mobile homes in a 200 mile radius. he's gone anywhere from 2-4 nights a week. Am I wrong to feel totally horrible about this? Why can't he see that it's the husband thing to do? He should move heaven and earth to be there with his wife, right? Let me add something, he is self employed and if he doesn't haul a house, he's out the money and we are self paying for my surgery.
I have my monthly visitor right now and I know I'm overly sensitive but man, I can't wait until this is over. You wonderul people are the only people I feel understand.
I just want to scream at the top of my lungs because I'm so happy but I want be to feel the same way I do, instead of the negatives.
Anyone else going through this? 
Yeah, if one more person tells me that am not big enough to get this surgery I'm gonna scream! I even heard it at my pre-op appointment! ARGH! (from another patient) I am very fortunate to have a wonderful family support group. My cousin, who is also my best friend, had this surgery 17 months ago and has done super! 300 to 135, size 6 and HEALTHY! She is giving me so much encouragement. My parents are supportive, and my husband is indifferent. He just goes with the flow. LOL When I tell people I'm having the surgery they tell me things like, oh you should try this diet or that diet. I wanna slap 'em! 
They also make sure to tell me about every friend of a friend of a neighbor that had complications or DIED! So I keep my mouth shut and go along my merry way. 
I'm glad you stood up to your friend. 
That's not always an easy thing to do! Now, just relax 
and have a 
while you still can! Tell the husband to pull a double or add a day to his weeks work for the next few weeks and be there for you. I know it's hard being self employeed - but hopefully he can find a way. 
HUGS
Kimberly
They also make sure to tell me about every friend of a friend of a neighbor that had complications or DIED! So I keep my mouth shut and go along my merry way.
I'm glad you stood up to your friend. That's not always an easy thing to do! Now, just relax and have a while you still can! Tell the husband to pull a double or add a day to his weeks work for the next few weeks and be there for you. I know it's hard being self employeed - but hopefully he can find a way.
HUGS
Kimberly 
Good morning and I too am tired of negative remarks believe me I hear the same thing ladies. When they tell me I should just try a regular diet I want to slap them, not that I would but would like too
If I could lose the weight that way I would have done it, DUH!!
I'm glad you told your friend, either be supportive or don't say anything at all. As far as your husband is concerned I think he should do whatever he needs to do to be with you. Like Kimberly said work a few hours longer, haul an extra one, whatever it takes I think he should be with you during your surgery and after for a few days.
Thank God my husband and family is supportive, plus I can bother all of yous too*********************Cheri
If I could lose the weight that way I would have done it, DUH!!
I'm glad you told your friend, either be supportive or don't say anything at all. As far as your husband is concerned I think he should do whatever he needs to do to be with you. Like Kimberly said work a few hours longer, haul an extra one, whatever it takes I think he should be with you during your surgery and after for a few days.
Thank God my husband and family is supportive, plus I can bother all of yous too*********************Cheri 
Thank you for your response, it's so nice to have people who understand what I'm saying. 
Well, it seems like (based on what I read on these forums) most of the people that say things like that are jealous.
In fact, I read on the main forum the other day that someone totally berated someone else for having the surgery.. that is was wrong... they were unChristian... altering God's work... REALLY gave this poor woman the full attack treatment.
And then... a couple months later... this same attacking-woman announced SHE was having an RNY. 
As far as hubby goes.... I think there are a couple things at work right now:
(1) I used to date a truck driver (we almost got married last year) and I know how hard it can be to have control of your schedule. The competion, gas costs, etc.... you have to take work whenever you can. Even if you are ok.. and have a "permanent" job -- so many layoffs are happening, that they get scared to turn anything down.
(2) He is probably scared. And you know men... they will try to deny serious emotions 90% of the time. He probably wants to take it casually so that it doesnt' seem like a big deal... so he doesn't have to feel like it is somethign he needs to worry about.
As far as hubby goes.... I think there are a couple things at work right now:
(1) I used to date a truck driver (we almost got married last year) and I know how hard it can be to have control of your schedule. The competion, gas costs, etc.... you have to take work whenever you can. Even if you are ok.. and have a "permanent" job -- so many layoffs are happening, that they get scared to turn anything down.
(2) He is probably scared. And you know men... they will try to deny serious emotions 90% of the time. He probably wants to take it casually so that it doesnt' seem like a big deal... so he doesn't have to feel like it is somethign he needs to worry about. I think you nailed my husband right on the head. I think that is exactly it. As for his job, he does have full schedules, no fear of getting laid off becuase he works for himself.
Thank you for the insight and your reply. I've pretty much decided not to talk about my surgery with anyone except for my friends who have had it and my great friends on this website.
(deactivated member)
on 6/10/05 8:14 am
on 6/10/05 8:14 am
Maria...I had to hijack to tell you something. I read your profile today. I think we were separated at birth. First of all you are freaking hilarious. Secondly, I too have reverse anorexia.....that section resonated with me in a big way.....I can only imagine how much fun you are to watch on stage!!!!!
Just wanted to say hi and let you know I so relate
Sharon
Sharon 
I am tired of the negative comments too. A couple of weeks ago I was on my patio harvesting strawberries when my neighbor came up and talked to me. And she asked me where I had been and I explained to her that I was having test done because I am having surgery. And she said why are you doing that. And I told her to take back my life. That with being morbidly obese I can't enjoy things other 28 year olds enjoy. And that I wanted to go back to work and get off disability. And she popped off and said why do you want to do that why not make your fiancee take care of you. Then she tells me about her sister who has had the surgery and now is blue. And her friend died. And to end it she says I'm not telling you this to scare you I just think you should stay the way you are. I wanted to throw my strawberries at her but I just smiled and said thank you and went back into my apartment.My family they are supportive. My mom was nervous at first but she is at ease now. I sent her links to this website and my surgeons website. My fiancee is scared but he won't admit it. He is going to take the day of my surgery off and just drive back and forth for the rest of my hospital days. My friends have already said they are going to come visit me or call me to make sure I am ok. hopefully your husband can find a way to be with you the day of surgery and have a family memeber check on you the other days you are in the hospital recovering.
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