very down

i just need to write this... i have been going now 4 weeks of really not eating anything.. well after this mornings "let down"... i just can't eat. i do see the weight finally coming off- i'm down to 164 pounds. i just feel so sick- nothing even appeals to me... i've been drinking decaf hot tea .. that's about it.... and just crying a lot..... especailly today. i emailed all my family that new about the specialists.. and no one has called- i don't know if i would want to talk to them anyway- but not even my mom. i don't want to call them... my sister just emailed back with a "i'm sorry. so anyway ayla (my niece) is running a fever so we're hanging low today" that was it... thanks for letting me "vent" jennifer

Jennifer, first I am so sorry that your going through this . You have been in my thoughts and prayers these past weeks as I know this was the desire of your heart and it is so disappointing when it doesn't work out. But try, and it will be hard, to think of how blessed you are. You have the one child that you are the world too. Think of what his life would be like with out his mommy. You have done and continue to be successful with your weight loss, though it was slow for a while. I'm sure your family doesn't know what to say, are not sure how to be supportive in this matter that is so personal to you and your husband. So pray for peace, peace in the place that you are. When I started typing this I prayed for the right words of encouragement for you and I hope that is how you take this. You are one very special lady, you are everything to your husband and child and you are blessed. Feel free to come here anytime and "talk". We will always be a pair of ears to listen and an extra heart to care about everything you are going through.

Jennifer I am very sorry for your recent turn of events. But think of it on another side, maybe God is putting a wonderful loving family, such as yours, out there for some poor unfortunate baby to be able to have loving parents through adoption. I have seen first hand the difference it makes in the new parent's lives as well as the birth parents and it is TRULY a blessing from God. Sue

thank you ladies for your responses. I am sitting here looking at my 4 year old (who we adopted from Guatemala 3 years ago).. he's dancing with his cd player singing to the cars movie cd.... and dancing around... husband who has the flu is in bed. we have decided to go to the dr appointment on tuesday to see what the RE says. but we're unsure if we'll even give the shots one try it didn't work years ago- and i don't know if we want to "waste" the emotional time frame- or the money we could save and put it towards adoption number two. who knows if i would ovulate on the shots anyway- ... jennifer

Jennifer ~ It's been almost 18 years since I had to take provera to get my cycle started and clomid to get the eggs flowing; but I do remember one thing - it took several months of increasing my clomid dosage before I actually ovulated. I began clomid in mid summer, began ovulating in Sep/Oct (after several dosage increases) and finally got pregnant in Jan. Infertility is a very difficult thing to go through; and I wish you the best of luck in whatever course of action you and your husband decide on. Maria 272/155/144

Jennifer, I know how disappointed you must be. You mentioned saving up money and adopting again....I am a foster/adoptive parent. We have adopted four children from Child Protective Services. We adopted two girls one time then a few years later two boys. I think our total cost was barely even $400. There are lawyers that work with CPS and do the cases pro bono. You just have to pay for the changes to be made in the birth certificates. There are alot of infants that come in to foster care and most of them don't go back to the parents because they are not willing to get rid of the drugs in their lives. The classes are only about 6 - 8 weeks in a row. They have it once a week or you can do Saturday classes. You can say what age range kids, or even what race if you prefer. Once the parental rights have been terminated they have to live in your house for 6 months before you can adopt. When you adopt two at one time like we did the state even offers what is called an adoption subsidy they keep sending a monthly support check, the kids can stay on medicaide and as long as they go to a college here in the state they are guaranteed free tuition. Even if all those things didn't happen the children are so precious that it doesn't take long for you to fall in love with them and they seem like your own flesh and blood. Just thought I would mention this and let you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

What a wonderful reminder Alice that this option exists. -Pam

Jennifer, I'm sure you family is wanting for you what you want; children, love, and happiness. But it is hard, because they love you and want the best for you, to always remember to pass along the love and support while you ride this emotional rollercoaster. What you are going through is a challenge. Take care of yourself, love your family. Thinking of you. -Pam