OT.....Really long

I have to complain... I know that I do it a lot but people (mom) ticked me off again. Now a little history, I'm married, three kids and DH and I both have good jobs. After this surgery I needed more cloths and I wanted to do things for me like getting my nails and hair done. So after a year I have spent a lot of money but we are doing ok, but now that we want to build a new house I have to cut back. Now, my mom is very well off financially (my dad passed away 2 years ago) but anyway we my dad passed my sister and I didn't get a penny and now that mom is remarried and is even more better off I asked mom and her new husband if I could borrow some money ($15,000) she said that she would do that for us and that I better have learned from all this. Believe me I have, so then she calls me and said that if she gives me the money and something would happen to her then what would happen. Well of course dh and I would go to the bank and get a loan (that is what we didn't want) but anyway I know for a fact that she has given my sister money and paid for most of her wedding, when I only got $300 from my parents on that day. I know that she doesn't owe it to me, but come on. I have never gotten anything from my parents and now when I could really use some then she said no. DH said that I should ask her new husband because he has told us before that he loaned his son $30,000 until his house sold and then paid him back I would have them (mom) paid back with in a year if not sooner when our house sells. What are your thoughts? Be honest. I'm very upset of this, as I know she has the money "just sitting there" and if she would need it for some reason then I would get it for ASAP. Sorry this got so long, but it's really starting to bother me the more I think about it. Tammy

Mixing money and family is really very hard. Especially when some family members get "gifts" and others don't. How about treating them like a friendly bank? Writing an IOU so if something happened to her it would come from your portion of the estate or be paid back to the estate. Maybe a very low interest rate too. Have both your husband and you pitch it to both of them, like you would a friendly bank. Be ready to answer other fininacial questions. I've borrowed money from my parents (though not more than $3,000) many years ago. I know my folks had different "rules" for different ones of us kids, because we all treated money differently. Good luck. -Pam

Owing money to family members, no matter how much....really sucks. If it isn't givin as a gift....you are better off borrowing it from the bank. A LOT less emotion involved that way. Look at the trouble it has already caused and there hasn't even been any money exchanged yet. Just my three cents worth (pun intended) Malibu

Hi Tammy - I have 2 comments on this. Number 1 - its her money and she can do what she wants with it, but you know this, and I'm just acknowledging that I know this too before I go on. That said - Number 2 - I'm 32 - my sister is 24 and my brother is 22. I have always paid my own way (my mother paid 2 years of community college for me), my own wedding, our own houses (selling, building, selling, etc) and had never asked my mom for a dime until this past time we moved - I borrowed $10k to go into contract and paid her back within a month when the sale went through and it was no problem - very short term, and she offered, etc. BUT, what I'm getting at is this - my mother is anticipating paying for my sister's wedding (she's not even engaged yet) and my brother's wedding (he is already married, but haven't had the big party yet) and any time she talks about it, I just bite my tongue. I know finances were different when I got married 8 years ago, but I started feeling like when I borrowed the $10k, why didn't she just give it to me, etc... I guess if I'm completely honest, I did start feeling like she "owed" it to me, but in my head, I know that's not true. I would have just been a big help. To top it off, our mortgage guy screwed up and we ended up with 10k less for repairs to the new house, so I had to come up with the 10k to pay her back, so at that point, I guess in my heart, I was hoping she would just give it to me. I guess my point is that I understand how you feel. On one hand, I'm happy I never got handouts because I'm much more mature and responsible than my sister and brother are, but on the other hand, certain things would be much easier and less of a struggle if I had some help once in a while too. I think if my mother ever gave them money for a down payment on a house, I might actually have a temper tantrum! LOL

Thanks for all your input. Part of me thinks that she owes me something from when my dad passed away plus she still gets money from my grandparetns (dads side) every year they would (still get) $10,000. We have never gotten anything from my parents not even for the wedding (We got $300, where they paid for my sisters reception ($$$$$). Oh well, I can say this for sure......I sure hope that she won't need anything from me, and that once I get my hew house, IT'S ALL MINE AND NO ONE HELPED ME GET ANYTHING IN LIFE!!! Tammy