kinda worried.

about vegas. i love the idea of coming out there but i worry about myself. i have been hitting the martinis a little too frequently lately and hope that my evenings won't be dangerous. i know i will be gambling a little and so forth and trying to keep it down... but still - a little stressed out right now. i am quitting my job in the end of this month for a new business venture that's all flying on HOPE. i cannot wait to meet all of you and frankly, i think it's the very first time in my life i have had REAL friends who care about me - that's an awesome thing in itself. For that - i thank God every day. You guys are all wonderful people. nan

You called? Hello my dear. I have missed you. I just know that my being here at this moment in time means something..Nan, I have wrestled with the worst demons I know first hand that feeling when you KNOW you might screw life up because of Drink or Drugs.... No one can police you Nandi you know that.. I hesitate to write more I do not want to preach. I do want to help. Ah, hell I'm going to do it.. Nan I have been reading your posts for a year and I saw this coming..I'm sure I'm not the only one either... You know how I feel about you girl.. I have only one thing to tell you Nan.. Take yourself to a meeting and do it soon. You are one of the smartest people I know, so I know you will opt for sanity and safety and peace in your life, won't you? I Love you. Mo

i'm so glad mo - that YOU were the one to reply first. I DO wish you were coming to vegas because WE would have a LO to talk about, huh? maybe... anyhoo, no one here has called me Nandi --- wich is what everyone close to me calls me - so i realze that our relationship is something special.... i KNOW i need some help and soon. it is truly getting out of control. you know thta feeling when you wake up in the mornings feeling guilty? or spend each eveing feeling out of control? it's too much. damn

Yes darlin' I know of those feelings very, very well. In August of 2004 I wrapped mu car around a tree. I was in it. I was alone. I was drunk. And I do not remember how I came to be where I was found. That was it for me. I knew I had done enough damage to myself and those who loved me. Nandi You don't need to get to the point where you find yourself part of the landscape. But you do need to wake up NOW. Am I sober today? Yes. Can you be? Yes. All you have to do is everything... everything you can to stop.. everything you can to not pick up a drink or a pill or a line or whatever is is that gets you going. Find some innner strength girl.. email me, call me. I will be there for you... Get your head clear.. look in the phone book call information then call AA.. leave your name and number they will call you back and give you a time a place for a local meeting.. Go. to not stop.. Do not get on a plane and go to Vegas.. Go to a meeting.. and keep going. listen to me.. You have the rest of your life or you don't. It's very simple. And it's very important because Nan you are important. To me .. To your husband, to your children, to everyone who loves you. WE all want the same thing for you to be sober and healthy and alive snf really living your life. You can and will just start now. Make a phone call and go to a meeting right away. I don't care who you find there.. drunks, secretary's, cab drivers's, presidents of company's.. just find yourself among them. soon. peace Mo

Nan! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! I love you! Now....no sugar coating from me either! I can agree with Mo....I saw this coming. You have been posting about alcohol a lot lately and you've hit the chat room after a few drinks on at least two occasions. I was sooo hoping that you were just using occasionaly, but this sounds more serious. You ARE stressed out.......your future is uncertain, but you have to face it with a clear head. You don't want your family, especially your precious children, to think of you as a drunk. You HAVE to pull yourself out of this. Are you hiding your drinking? Does your husband know?......because he can't help you until he knows what you have been doing. Please, please get yourself some help. Now.....Vegas? It is definately an enabler, but like you said....you have REAL friends there *****ally care about you and you can lean on us for strength. If you're worried about drinking in Vegas...stick with me! I'm a non-drinker and don't intend to start anytime soon! I've been to Vegas more than 10 times and I have never had a drink there....so it CAN be done. However, I won't knock a drink out of your hand....you have the free agency to decide for yourself if you will or wont drink. We'll just be there to help you. In this case, peer pressure is a good thing. Oh darlin....I've got a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach about this. This is a slippery slope you're on. I love you sweetie! I have genuine love and concern for you. I hope I get to hug you this weekend. I hope I get the chance to bolster you up. I hope you get this under control! Loves, C

Thank you Malibu. You're a sweetie. Like I told Mo when I emailed her, I kinda had to put this out there because I want to hold myself accountable. I gotta come to Vegas because I need to get away from thinking about work and working all the time. So instead of throwing back 5 shots in Vegas, I'll stick to one maybe and after Vegas, I'll work on reducing that number to zero. You guys are my inspiration so this trip for me is not just a celebration but a reaffirmation of what this is all about and a revisit to all the things I need to see and hear to succeed. I pretty much suck at group things and have never been one for support groups and such. We'll talk in person tomorrow night! BIG HUGS!! Love ya! Nan

Nan- I just got back on the computer and saw this post. I am sooooo sorry I did not read it when I met you this weekend. I love you and want to give you a big hug. Listen to the wise Mo. And know that if you need us, just post and we'll be there. Love ya, Andrea

I was so glad to see Maureen's post. Having been on the receiving end when someone very close who is an alcoholic, I too had concerns. Still, I held back hoping that someone who had the problem within our group stepped forward and up steps Mo. I am glad she's involved in AA for both her and you! We're in the vanguard of what I hope will be a growing list of options to address a host of dependencies and addictions relating to food. Still, we're ripe for accepting new dependencies and addictions to replace food. We have to be vigilent toward helping ourselves and our fellow Julyers when we feel or see poor behavioral choices occurring. I try to do this showing concern and not judgment. The world is not black or white and choosing how to share a concern is among the most difficult tasks for me. Channon, please give Nan a special hug for me. Love to all, Dave

Davey-poo~ Ohhhhh.....I so wish you were gonna be there. I will definately give Nan a hug for you, but who's gonna give you a hug for me? Hey, what ever happened to that copper thong? C

Don't know what to say other than we love you, we care about you. We all have to watch ourselves in moving from one addiction (food) to another, and there are a lot of opportunities out there. We'll help you too, though you asking for help is a very big first step. Love you. Looking forward to seeing your smiling face in person. -Pam