posting.. to keep me going.

ok.. can i be honest.. i'm going to be honest and open- so please no one say go talk to someone- i have an appointment.. i don't want to say this and have a pitty party.. i just need to write it... and see it.... and come to terms... first thing- my mil was put into the hospital tonight heart attack.. she's resting and told fil and dh "GO HOME"... now.. here's my week.. so... i took a pregnancy test.. praying- wishing.. right..because i just thought.. so stupid i am... so- i took it at night... couldn't wait in the morning- well my son- woke up.. and i read the test at 2 minutes- no plus sign.. ok.. but i came back about half hour later.. after son went back to bed.. and oh what did i see... a faint line... and my hopes got up... i didn't say anything to anyone.. just was so happy.. well- i read the directions again... and it said not valid after 10 minutes (evaportion line??).. what?? so i took the other test in the morning.. nope.. no plus sign.. stared at the thing for the 10 minutes. nothing.. looked in the light.. kept looking at the damn thing... nothing... so what did i do... ate like a pig today.. ATE AND ATE... and ATE... pretzels.. cheese sticks... i'm so down... WHY did i do this.. i was at terms with this before the surgery- then people kept saying.. "wow watch out.. blah blah blah.."... i just have to come to reality.. thanks for letting me write this... i'll be ok.. j

Hi Jen First of all, you are one year out. Too soon for you to get pregnant. Your surgeon should tell you that. Our surgeon require that we wait 18 months to 24 months before you get pregnant because of malnourishment on the fetus. Yes, sometime the fetus survives and makes it, but you're taking a big huge risk by trying this pregnancy so soon. Have you consulted with your surgeon and OB/GYN? I did to mine and my OB/GYN strongly does not recommend pregnancy before 24 months post-op. Be very careful with this. Marie

you're right... my surgeon did say 18 months.... thanks for putting into perspective.. jen

Marie has a great point. Give yourself a six month mental break about this. Take this "time off" to clearly decide your plan of attack. My sister-in-law is going through this too. Unfortunately she DID get pregnant and then lost it a month or two later. It was devistating to her.

Jennifer hun I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you are going through. It's so tough. I am thinking of you and feeling for you. It's good to get it all written out there. That helps me lots of times. I wish I had some advice of course, but I have not struggled with that. But I am thinking of you. Write it all down whenever you need to. We'll do what we can to help or just to listen. Take care. {{{HUGS}}} Lisa And if you're going to eat, try to get some protein in while you're at it... That's what I do when I'm binging.