OT...my grandma

hello julyers, i am so sad today. i am glad i read everyone's posts to my questions from yesterday i needed to smile. anyways, i am so sad today...3 1/2 weeks ago my grandma (who raised me and i am very very close to) had a brain aneurysm. she had brain surgery 3 weeks ago on tuesday and she is not doing so well. she has been in ICU until yesterday and then she has been placed in a skilled nursing facility. i am fully aware of all the fatality rates and the prognosis and such. i got a call this morning from my mother that said, "if you want to see your grandma you need to get down there right now" so i came down. apparently she had a really bad night and she has pneumonia, another infection, and she is on the ventilator. they have her stablized again but, i am just so sad. i don't pray and i don't really believe in god so i just keep saying to whoever might want to hear me, "please let her go peacefully, please let her go peacefully" she is so little and frail and it hurts my heart to see her so vulnerable. in the last 3 weeks my emotions have been all over the place. and in the last week i have come to peace with her passing away. she is still alive but i know she's tired. this is the first person that i have ever lost / will lose that i am close to. she can't talk to me. and it is so frustrating...she keeps moving her lips and trying to tell me something but i feel like i am doing charades. i told her that i love her and that i will always love her and that she spent her whole life taking care of everyone and that it's ok that she relaxes now and that we'll help take care of her and that we will all be ok if she's tired and wants to go see her jesus. (she is VERY religious) i feel bad for saying this because i don't want her to think i have given up hope...but i guess i kinda have now that i am writing this. i just want her to go peacefully and everyone else in my family is saying things like, "when she comes home" and stuff. and i am trying not to look at them like they are friggin' crazy. but i think they are. i guess that's called denial. sorry to ramble i needed to put my thoughts into writing with unbiased people. thanks for reading. brandy

Brandy- So sorry to hear about your grandma-- Don't feel bad for what you said-- what you told your grandma is beautiful, and I am sure she is just trying to let you know how much she loves you. I am thinking of you and your family. Lots of love, andrea

First of all.......I'm so sorry to hear about this. I can tell you are hurting and that this is weighing on your heart. You obviously love her very much and I think what you said to her was perfect. You gave her permission to leave when she is ready. That's a hard and very honorable thing to do. I hope that if I'm ever in her position, I will have the same love surrounding me and the same compassion that you are showing her. Second of all.....you're not giving up hope, you're coming to terms with reality. I do pray (just in case).........and I'll send one up for you. Hope that you don't mind. Hugs to you Brandy! C

Oh Brandy hun I'm so sorry. I agree with everyone else; what you said was perfect and very loving. I am thinking of you and giving you lots of hugs. {{{Brandy}}} My thoughts are with you, Lisa

Brandy I'm sorry to hear about your Grandma. Having to say goodbye to a loved one is the hardest thing we ever have to do. We want them whole and cured but sometimes we know that isn't going to happen and then we just want them to be free of the pain. Your grandma, you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Tim