What's wrong with me?

Hey guys, I try not to talk too much about when I am feeling down & such since I am not able to spend as much time on the board as I'd like and support others. But I have been *really* down lately and need to talk about it. I've heard a lot of people talk lately about all the new attention they are getting. I think this is WONDERFUL and am so happy for them. One thing I just can't stop thinking about is the complete lack of attention I get. I get none. And I mean NONE. No second looks, no appreciative glances, certainly no comments. Absolutely nothing. Even DH has noticed this lack. I feel so ugly. I mean even so much as when everyone posted their bootie shot, I got almost no comments. While that in itself is totally okay, it just shows the problem. You know that old joke about a fat person talking to a skinny person & tells them that at least I can lose weight; you'll always be ugly? Or when as a fat person you wonder what you will look like thin and wonder if you'll be pretty or ugly? I'm the ugly one. That's how it feels anyway. When I was a freshman in high school my very best friend (we were closer than close; you know how that goes) dumped me (at a football game no less; that her Mom had driven us to!) telling me that I "Disattracted the guys". WTF??? I was so completely devastated. I thought I had long since gotten over that (I'm 36 years old for crying out loud!) but I find myself thinking about it all the time now, wondering if she wasn't right. I feel so alone. Let me finish by saying that I have a WONDERFUL and extremely supportive DH who finds me incredibly attractive and sexy and tells me all the time how pretty I am and can't keep his hands off me. If it wasn't for him, I'd probably crawl under a rock and stay there. He is my solid base that helps me look the world in the eye. I am a very, very luck girl. But is he the only one who finds me attractive at all? I don't know why I just can't stop thinking about this. Sorry for dumping this on you. I just needed to get it off my chest I guess. And wonder if anyone else ever feels this way. Take care everyone. I love you!! Lisa 360/345/180/160

Hi Lisa Just know that you are not alone. We hear about things like this from many people in our Support Groups. Give it some time and just remind yourself why you had this surgery in the first place. We had it to be healthier, not to get attention from others. Although thats the motive of some people. Email me anytime Marie

Hi Marie, Thank you for your nice response. I appreciated it. I completely understand that I did this to get healthier (and I accomplished just that! ). I just have this bad voice rattling around in my head that was getting louder and louder. I appreciate the suport. Have a great weekend! Lisa

Hey darlin'! I am sorry you feel that way. You are certainly not ugly. And your friend saying that was a horrible thing to say. That being said though....don't sweat it because you have found someone that loves and adores you for who you are. Hold on to that speacial man of yours!! Peace out, girlfriend!! Nickie

Hi Sweetie, Oh, thank you so much for saying that. I needed to hear that! I just keep hearing my ex friend saying that over and over lately. I don't know why I couldn't shake it! Yep, I have a wonderful man. He's a keeper for sure! I was just feeling like some kind of beast or something. I don't know. You helped me to feel better; thank you so much! Take care and many hugs!! Lisa

Lisa, I'm soooo glad that you came to us with this. I'm honored that you would open up to us and let us try to help you. I think we spent so long feeling unattractive that sometimes it just takes time for our minds to catch up with our bodies. We lose all this weight and then what....we're STILL not attractive enough for society's high standards. So what do we do.......we commit tens of thousands of dollars and risk our lives (AGAIN) for plastic surgery. All so that we look pleasing to others and in return, feel better about ourselves. It's sooo hard not to judge ourselves by how others perceive us. I fail miserably at this! Lisa, You are a beautiful woman! As for your stupid high school friend...what a fool! Even the most beautiful people in the world can tell you a story of when someone thought they weren't attractive. It's all soooo subjective! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder! And in your husbands eye (and others).....you're a piece of @$$!!!!!! I get attention because I'm a shameless flirt! I don't know how to turn it off. I've been "blown off" by guys....recently who were not interested in me what-so-ever! Chin up girl! You've got everything you need.....a loving husband who adores you and a baby boy who probably thinks you are the greatest mom....EVER! Love you back! C

Oh Channan!!! Thank you for absolutely *everything*. I don't know what I would do without you!! My heart is so full; I don't even know what to say! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your wonderful words and support. You are AWESOME girlfriend!! Love & hugs & more love! Lisa

Nothing. Lisa - what a bummer. Here you are, a beautiful woman - and you aren't hearing the compliments you deserve to hear. Because you are beautiful. I know because I looked at all the pictures in your profile, even looking at the good looking butt shot (wish mine looked that good). Comments that I've lost weight, yes I hear those. Compliments - nope. However, I don't wear flirty clothes or put myself out there in a sexy way - just not my style. In fact (this is likely just me) my discomfort and my inability to deal with sex related issues from others who aren't my honey contributed to my adding a protective layer of fat. Yet, at other times I am frustrated because I'd like to here a compliment or catch a wandering eye. I believe now it is my age that contributes to the lack of second looks - who knows what the real reason is. Don't crawl under a rock and stay there - we love you too. -Pam

Hi Pam, Thank you so much! What you said meant so much to me. I know what you mean about not putting yourself out there in a sexy way. I've never been/felt sexy and flirty. I don't know how! I wonder if that's part of what's going on in my head. Hmm, you gave me something to think about. You've always seemed so self confident in who you are. It's interesting to hear that people we think of as having it all 'together' have issues too, huh? Thank you for sharing yourself with me. I really and truly appreciate the support. Your message helped me a lot. Thank you Pam. And thanks for the compliment, too! It's so easy to only see the flaws. I hope you have a wonderful weekend! Much love & Hugs, Lisa P.S. I promise I won't crawl under a rock.

Oh Lisa, I so sorry you feel this way. First of all let me assure you that as a man I find you to be very attractive. And that's including your bootie shot!(and I'm a butt man!) Not to mention a real sweetheart! Your ex-friend was an ass. If she felt that way she could have found a better way of telling you. We think we get over a trauma like that but it is still deep inside us and effects us for our entire lives. Nothing is worse than a betrayal by someone we love. I'm happy for you that you have a loving husband who sees and appreciates you for the sexy woman you really are. It takes a years for our perceptions of ourselves and our body image to catch up with the reality of the changes we have gone through. I know I still have issues with myself, but I'm working on it. Take care babe and know we love you Tim