How has your life changed?

OK, everyone. I know that there are fewer and fewer of us that visit this thing anymore. But for those lurkers still out there, how are you doing? How has this whole experience changed your life? How has it changed it in ways you didn't expect? Did it change things you thought that it would? How has your vision of the world around you changed? Of yourself? What hang-ups, if any, still hold you back? For me I'm amazed at how people treat me differently at times. But that comes with a mixed blessing, because it seems like I get scrutinized a bit closer than I did before (simple things like people taking more notice to my crooked smile or my slight studdering problem that kicks in every once in a while). It's also been amazing what people have to say about what they thought of me at 430 pounds. Things like "I remember seeing you and trying not to stare at you because of how big you had gotten". I have been amazed at how much things have changed as far as health goes. My breathing is so much better. I do not get winded very easily at all. I did not realize just how bad it was before. This has been the biggest "eye-opener" of this whole experience. Some things that haven't changed for me is my self confidence. I am still reserved when talking to people or opening up to someone. I'm also very suspicious at times of people...like I'm waiting or looking for something that clues me to the fact that they are thinking negative things about me. I also am having acceptance issues when it comes to compliments, especially from women. Needless to say the dating scene has not been as productive as maybe it should be. I really am having some problems in this area. I thought it was my weight that made me so awkward...and maybe it has conditioned me to be this way now....but I am disheartened that I haven't been able to make effective changes. I don't want to be fake like a lot of people out there, but I don't want to be disconnected either. Short of a labotomy I'm not sure how to fix this. I'm hoping that I will grow past this sometime soon. Well, like it or not, that's a glimpse into my head. Hope you were ready for it Bobby (432/167/-265)

Hi Bobby!! We are kindred spirits. I too have a stuttering problem that rears its head occasionally. Last summer I moved to St. Louis for a job transfer. It's funny, most of the folks at work didn't know me at my highest, the few that did are very complimentary, but for the most part the folks I'm around now didn't know me then. This is a blessing. It allows me to feel normal. When I go back to visit my old city, I get a little aggravated because I am now "accepted" by folks who had disdain for me at my heaviest. Disdain to the point of feeling it was okay to be verbal. Now, suddenly, I'm acceptable. I have little time for these people as they aggravate me. I think my confidence level has increased. My body language is also different. I walk taller. I used to try and walk in such a way that I wouldn't jiggle all over the place (like it was actually possible to avoid that!!!). I have a strange attitude. Something one of my relatives told me... "If I don't sleep with you; if you don't put money in pocket; and if you're not my Maker; I don't give a rat's ass what you think." In essence, let the negative folks have their negative thoughts... that's their issue and I'm not going to receive it or give them power. Forgive me if I sound preachy... negative folks (or folks that feel they have the right to impose their critical negative comments/thoughts on others) irritate me. Bobby, you are a wonderful warm individual, not to mention your HUNK status. Give it time, the dating scene will get better as you get comfortable being the new you! I'm amazed at the activities I can do now. Just being able to cross my legs, sit on the floor, tie my shoes in the middle... I love walking in the mall anonymously.... This was never the case in the past... someone would give me that stare... a stare that pretty much said I had no right to live!!! I'm taking my daughter to Disneyworld in a couple of weeks. I'm looking forward to being able to ride the rides with her. We went in 2001 and I was so embarrassed and hurt because I couldn't fit on anything... not even the teacups!! Life is better and I'm still losing (SLOWLY... my own fault), so I'm expecting to feel even better soon. Have a great day!!! Denise 326/222/170 -104 52 more to go!!!

Bobby, You have been such an inspiration to many of us on this board. I'm telling you, if I were 20 or 30 years younger you'd have to be fighting me off. You are gorgeous. (I can say that because I am an old woman and age gives us certain perogatives). As Denise says, as you get more comfortable with your body, the ladies will be flocking to be in your company. Every day I am amazed at how my life has changed. I now enjoy stolling through the mall, even when I have no money to spend. I can enjoy going to a movie, because I know I can get up out of the seat and that I will take up only one seat. I don't have to use the handicap stall in public restrooms. I can walk all day and not get winded (still can't run, but hopefully that will come someday). I can play with my grandchildren on the floor and am able to get up when they don't want to play any more. I am no longer diabetic. I no longer have glaucoma. I do not have high cholesterol. The number of medications I take daily has gone from 14 per day to 4. I do not use supplemental oxygen at all except when I have a cold or flu. My doctors tell me I have to go back to work to a real job (have mixed feelings about that one). Everyday, I thank my God that I was able to have this surgery because it has saved my life. I had forgotten how good life could be. A lot of my success is thanks to the wonderful surgery brothers and sisters I have met on this board. Wish I had the opportunity to meet some of you in person--maybe someday I can meet DeeJay as she lives only 90 miles from here. Any way, I hang out here and am still losing. I plan to do whatever is necessary to get to the onederfuls this year. Love you, Bobby. You keep on visiting us and letting us see your wonderful face. Monna 389/223/150

Hi Bobby! I just have to tell you how much I love reading your posts. I know if we lived near each other and could hang out, we'd be great friends! Alot of the things you've said is how I feel as well. Physically I couldn't be better, I work out, can do anything! Dance all night, walk the amusement parks for hours and RUN! One thing that hasn't changed a whole lot is my self confidence as well. I spent too many years as the girl who "has such a pretty face if only she would lose some weight". I have a really hard time seeing myself as anything but still that girl. Everyone tells me how great I look and how beautiful I am now and it goes in one ear and out the other. I've just now started to feel a little more confident after PS. I had a TT, Breast Lift w/implants, Inner Thigh Lift and Lipo to the hips and thighs. Last summer it was great to be 100 lbs less but I still couldn't wear a bathing suit because of the skin. Stuff like that helps remind me of how much I really am not just "normal" and never will be. Thank god for me that I have the most wonderful, supportive, caring husband in the whole world that I don't have to worry about the dating drama, I don't know if I could handle it. All I can say is just be yourself and the right person will come along. You're a special person with a boatload to offer and any girl will be lucky to have you just the way you are!! When its right, it happens no matter what and without you having to change yourself. How's the PS journey going? Have you decided on a surgeon? I'm still recovering at almost 5 weeks post op now, the thigh lift was brutal!!! I'm getting there though. Take care, Deejay 262/147 below goal 1/19/06 - TT, BL/BA, Inner Thigh Lift, Lipo

Physically, my life has improved significantly. I don't give running up the stairs a second thought, nor do I look for the closest parking spot that I can find (at least, when it's warm out!). I can fit into restaurant booths, movie theater seats, and amusement park rides. But I'm still fat. Inside my head, I'm still 350 lbs. I have no confidence, I am shy around others (which comes across as me being a rude snob), I walk with my eyes lowered. Food is constantly on my mind, whether it's what I'm going to eat or NOT going to eat. I look in the mirror and see the old me, and with 72 lbs left to go, I can still feel the rolls of fat that cover my body. Hopefully one day, my brain will work this all out. I think that even if I got to goal, I'd probably still have the head games. At the very least, I am healthier, and that is what this is REALLY all about. Pamela 352/222/150