Ok, now I need some support

Where do I start? Ok, Well, many of you know that I have been dating an AF 1st Sgt stationed in Italy, but deployed to Iraq till September. I have my tickets to visit a week after his return to Italy, but am currently looking for a GS position to open up there to move. For the last week or so, I have received one line responses from him on e-mail. Normally, he goes through very busy spells there, and the stress levels are awful so it doesn't bother me.... But I knew something was up, so 2 days ago I sent a normal e-mail asking if "we" were ok. Turns out that he has been stressing over the distance and the fact that I haven't found a job yet. Well. Now we are turning ourselves inside out trying to deal with this over e-mail. He realizes a bit part of this is the stress in Iraq, but I fear he is going to make a decision to break it off. I know this sounds disjointed... But I guess that is how I am feeling. Ugh~ I love him with all my heart, but how long can I deal with the emotional ups and downs? Heck! I thought it was women who were supposed to be the emotional ones?!?!?!? Ok, guys and gals! I need some ego boost here.......LOL Help~ Ileana

The stress of being deployed in Iraq can certainly take its toll on a person. Long-distance relationships can also bring on emotional turmoil (I had one of those relationships once...after three months apart, it ended). There really isn't much you can do, I'm afraid, but to wait it out. You don't want to hound him, always asking what's up with the relationship, because that will push him away. You might want to explain to him that you understand how difficult long-distance relationships are and that you are willing to work on it but that he also needs to hang in there. Unfortunately, once he's back in Italy, there's no guarantee that you can find a job. There's also no guarantee that once you find a job, your relationship will continue. There's ALSO no guarantee that if your relationship DOES continue that he won't be stationed somewhere else after his Italy tour ends or that he won't be deployed at a later date. Even if you ended up married, he could still have trouble dealing with the long-distance every time he's deployed...and it cold destroy your marriage. These are all things you need to consider. My sister wouldn't let her boyfriend join the Air Force until after they were married...and they are handling the distance just fine. But they've also known each other since they were 16 and don't have to worry about the other one finding someone else. I don't know how long you've known him...at least, how long you've known him face to face. If it wasn't very long before he left, you need to be certain that your relationship with him is REAL and not one of those "safe" relationships where it's okay to hang on to someone for a while until you finally feel confident enough to move on. From personal experience, I can tell you that my long-distance relationship started out great and eventually fell apart. We had lived together for a time before he was forced to move to Pennsylvania. The phone calls got shorter, the emails were scarce, and it was HIM that couldn't deal. He went from buying me an engagement ring (that he hadn't given me yet because he was saving it for Christams but left before then) to wanting to end our relationship at Valentine's day. It hurt a lot, but I eventually discovered something interesting. The love I had for this guy is NOTHING compared to how I feel about my husband. I can't imagine what would have happened if I had packed up and moved to Pennsylvania and either a) got dumped or b) married him. The pain was worth finding my husband. ANYWAY...I don't mean to be such a downer, but you have to face the possibility that your relationship might be ending. I hope it doesn't, and that things work out wonderfully for you, but there are times when it's best to let go. As Garth Brook's song goes "One of God's greatest gifts is unanswered prayers." Whatever happens is for the best...hang in there and be strong! Pamela

Thanks Pamela. I am keenly aware of the hardships. I am also aware of what our men and women ar going through over there, so I try to not rush to judgement right now. Thanks for your support and words of wisdom. Ileana

Ileana....sweetie... I'm sorry that you're both going through this, I know it's painful. I don't want to sound negative or mean, but long distance relationships aren't always what they're cracked up to be. I wish everyone all the happiness in the world, and sure enough, I've seen a few of these relationships work out...but the key word there is few. I pray that you do work things out and are together soon....it will take A LOT of strength and determination from both of you though. The stress of his being in Iraq should be causing him to turn to you even more...not make him turn away. I'm sorry...as I said, I don't want to be the downer, but I do want you to be realistic and happy...I hate to think of you hurting Linda 268/137 BELOW GOAL! and.....ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (wedding date set: August 5th, 2006!)

Thanks Linda. Hopefully we can both get through this. If not, I know it is what is meant to happen, and I will move on. I really do believe life is an adventure. To recognize great things, we have to know what "bad" feels like. Thanks again for your support. It means the world to me. Ileana

I do hope things turn out well....just remember, you always have family here to turn to when you need us BIG Hugs! Linda 268/137 BELOW GOAL! and.....ENGAGED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (wedding date set: August 5th, 2006!)

I'm sending prayers your way. Relationships are hard and long distance ones are even hard. I hope everything works out for you. Jen

Ileana, As the wife of a retired sailor, I can identify with the stresses caused by separation. War changes men (and I assume women) in ways that those of us cannot understand. Many relationships fail during the times of separation for many reasons. Relationships are difficult to sustain in the best of cir****tances, and separation (especially if one person is in a war zone) makes it 10 times more difficult to sustain. You have the luxury of being to email him and I assume telephone conversations occassionally. My best suggestion is to continue to love him and don't pressure him about your relationship. Good luck in getting a position so you can work in Italy and hopefully be near him. You and your man are in my prayers. Try to stay strong and loving. Monna

Oh Monna, thank you! I remind myself every morning to keep my chin up and stay strong. I know my So and I love each other very much, but his deployment is taking its hard toll out on him. I just e-mail words of encouragement and support, and hope he gets through it ok. Thank you so very much for your kind words of hope. Ileana

Ileana: I want to wish you lots of luck and happiness. Look at how strong a person you are by all you have acomplished so far.... I hope things work out and you are able to get a job in Italy. I know it is easy for me to say things will work out but....in the long run they always do. Just take things slow and make sure this is what you really want. Let him know you are there for him but that you need him there for you also. My husband was in the Marines and I can not imagine living thru what our men & women who serve our country live thru. Maybe he is just having a hard time dealing with Iraq and what his life is like right now. You are a super person and such an inspiration to all of us. I don't post on this board all that much but I do read it. I always see you offering support and kind words to anyone in need. I really hope things work out and you find happiness in the outcome. Best of luck to you and a big hug too!!! Chryssie