Life changes

We have had a bit of discussion on how much this surgery is part of your life after the first few months. I have heard people say that it was just something that happened in their past. I would say that it is still a big part of my life. It has changed almost every part of my life from how long it takes me to get dressed to my interrest in my appearance to my habits. My first thought as I rolled out of bed this morning was...here we go again. A day of trying to find something to eat. Sigh. I shouldn't have been all that surprised that it was my first thought. I woke up last night at 2:30 am. I really needed a bathroom visit. While I was in there, I realized I was really hungry. Since I don't get in enough during the day, I figured I would go grab something to eat. I took a half a slice of bread and some fake crab. Then I spent the next hour barfing my brains out. Because I pissed off my pouch last night, today's choices are espeically important until things calm down. Then I went to get dressed. It was hot here yesterday. So, I wanted to wear something that was kind of springy. 20 minutes later, I realized that I had nothing to wear that I liked. Presurgery, I would have thrown on the first thing I found and not cared. Then, because I took so long getting dressed, we were running late. I went to finish my make up, something I would have probably just skipped preop, and DH wanted me to put it on in the car. This was something I would do preop if he really wanted me to wear make up. Heck, I could almost put it on without a mirror because I care so little. But, no, now I care. So, it has to be done in the bathroom. On the way out of the house, I grabbed the laptop because I knew I wouldn't be actually eating with them at Pizza Hut. I grabbed a salad. But, didn't eat much of it. After, it was off to the grocery store. We needed ground beef. We have needed it for the last three grocery store trips. But, because I can't eat it, I kept forgetting to buy it. And, that relates to two other ways my life has change. I am actually cooking almost all of our meals. I don't mind cooking. But, I like the almost instant gratification of ordering a meal at a restaurant and no mess to clean up. Now I am not only cooking meals, but because of the limitations in my diet, I am having to cook more complicated meals that I did before. So, how much is this surgery affecting your daily life and in what ways? And, how is it affecting your family? Hat

I must be on the same wavelength as you today. It took me an extra 30 minutes today to get ready for work because I wanted something with some nice spring color despite the rain and dreary weather here. Everything I put on, just hung on me and looked so sloppy. When I finally got dressed, I sat down next to my fiance and with a sad face told him I think I'm going to have serious issues. He asked what was going on at work today that made me feel that way. I had to explain that my issues had to do with the fact that I have absolutely nothing to wear this spring. I don't think he really understood despite the fact that he's about 18 months post-op himself. I'm finding myself mourning the loss of my very extensive wardrobe I used to have. I may have been big but I always had more than enough clothes to chose from. I honestly have one pair of pants that fit me right now and maybe two shirts. The rest of the stuff I wear is way too big. Having just moved to Ohio and taken a more than 80% pay cut makes me feel guilty buying new clothes when we have other bills that need to be paid. Then later today I went grocery shopping. It is such a chore now. I read the labels and struggle with what to buy. I'm so afraid of slipping back to the habit of buying quick easy things at the grocery store that are really horrible for me. I do try to stick to the perimeter of the store where the fresh veggies and meat are but some days it's so hard. The past couple of weeks I've not felt like eating much. I have felt hungry but haven't had a craving for anything specific. Some days it takes me hours to decide what to eat that is going to have enough nutrients in it. Going out to eat has been a struggle the past couple of weeks as well. The past four times my fiance has taken me out to dinner, I've barely touched my meal. I feel like I'm wasting so much of our money on food I don't eat these days. I think this mostly has to do with my gallbladder surgery I had in February (or atleast that's what I'm attributing it too). Ok, so I've rambled enough, but your post really inspired me to put a lot of how I've been feeling lately down in words. I'm so happy with the outcome of the surgery but struggle with some of these issues from time to time. Jen -98

You know, I was kind of thinking the same thing today. Obviously, surgery has changed my life in many good ways. I can move around so much better now, my lung capacity has increased, I can run laundry up and down the stairs to my heart's content, I don't have to worry about not fitting in restaurant booths or movie theater seats. I can even find decent clothes. I have more energy than I ever thought I would, and I'm not on medication for high blood pressure or using my CPAP machine. But there's a cloud to that silver lining. First of all, I spend a lot of my time feeling guilty. Guilty for not exercising enough, not drinking enough water, or for choosing the wrong foods or eating too much of it. Then, I spend a lot of time trying to figure out why I'm not losing weight, posting to the OH message boards, and logging my meals into fitday. And of course, when I buy groceries, I look for the lowest calorie, highest protein foods I can get for the most reasonable of prices, and that's not taking into account all of the recipe searches I do to try and make meals more interesting so that I buy different things. I would like to be normal. I would love to stop keeping a food diary and wish I could stop crunching calories in versus calories out numbers. I'd like to skip a workout without the guilt or indulge in something really unhealthy without freaking out about it. And I want the scale to do behave! I don't think that surgery has really affected my family, unless you consider the fact that they're eating healthier meals most of the time and worrying every time I suffer another bout of involuntary bulemia. Will we EVER be normal, or are we doomed to have WLS at the forefront of our mind? Pamela -92

[quote] So, how much is this surgery affecting your daily life and in what ways? And, how is it affecting your family?[/quote] WOW - sorry you all are struggling!! I think everyone does to a certain degree. Thankfully, I've not had any real major food issues. There are some days, that my picky pouch doesn't like something that it loved before. I've recently dumped - 3 times actually - on foods that I've eaten regularly. No clue why I dumped on them now. I know I'm going to have to stay on top of my food and supplements for the rest of my life to be healthy. It's a worthwhile trade-off for me, and I'm fine with it. I've never been a 'clothes' person, so it doesn't bother me at all to not have a closet full of clothes to choose from. I too am wearing things that are too big, when those that fit well are in the wash; but, I'm just thrilled to be wearing normal size clothes! I like that I can now go to a resale shop or Goodwill and actually find clothes in a size that I can wear and have a real selection to choose from! We too eat in more. No point in eating out, when I can't eat most of those foods. So that's good for my family. I have more energy and feel better overall. So I've achieved my main goal of a healthier me!

I think Im more like Traci K With the food issues. I really dont have any. I have never logged my food on fitday or anywhere else for that matter. I love my new self, and im still complimented almost every day. Clothes on the other hand are a big issue for me. My hubby is gonna kill me if I spend anymore money..hehe. I am such a clothes shopper now. Before at 270lbs. id be perfectly happy wearing those baggy fat lady clothes, now if it doesnt fit me perfectly i wont wear it. So hence i spend alot of time picking out the perfect clothes. My family has never had to adjust to my eating, because I never changed my cooking. I still cook the same stuff for them that i always have, i just eat a small portion of whatever i make. Life doesnt have to be differnt. Just conforn to what is actually normal, and what your brain is trying to tell you is wrong. just my 2 cents. dont know if its worth that though. ~Debra

This is a good subject--thanks, Hat. Well, I'm one of the "lucky" ones who has no food issues (quantitiy or substance). I can eat anything. this is good and bad, I guess. I honestly feel it is more bad than good, but when I read about people who can't eat at all, well, I feel lucky. I'm like Pam--I feel guilty if I eat something I shouldn't eat. Even if it's just a tiny bit. Before WLS, I struggled with diet and exercise (calories in v/s calories out). I think this will be an issue for the rest of my life, but I'll play the hand I've been dealt. I'm not happy with being such a "food freak" or "scale junkie", but I don't think this will ever change about me. I try to remain positive, but it is becoming increasingly difficult for me. I have been stuck for quite a while. I need to carefully monitor the quantity of food that I eat, as my stomach doesn't tell me to stop. I don't throw up from eating too much (only too fast), and I'm afraid my new stomach really hasn't taught me much of anything. I used to joke after the surgery that my surgeon just put a couple of stitches on me, and didn't actually "do" the surgery. I mean, I was out of surgery in under 45 minutes, and never really felt like anything was done to me. My surgery was laprascopic, so scarring was minimal. I've always felt "the same". For the first few weeks after surgery I was nauseated and had difficulty drinkning my fluids. Everything else has been a breeze. These last 30-50 pounds are really getting to me. I didn't lose one single pound between 2/14 and Easter...I do have a few more days to Easter to lose SOMETHING, but I don't see it happening. I was hoping to lose 10. WLS is something I think about daily. I mean, I come here every day to see "what's up" and share with others. I notice that I look better. I don't have to worry about my clothes not fitting after they come out of the dryer. I "fit" better in chairs. The other day, I was at the grocery store and I didn't think about what other people were thinking...you know, looking in my cart--"what's the fat lady buying?" kind of thing. So those are things that have changed, and I'm happy with those changes. Things that haven't changed include: 1. My "need" to clean my plate. I hate this, but I keep doing it. My portions are much smaller, but I still finish what's on my plate. I was expecting "cleaning my plate" to be impossible, but it's still very easy. 2. My "need" to feel full. I haven't mastered "eating to satisfaction" yet, or eating to fill a nutritional need. I still eat for pleasure. 3. I still eat junk. Not a lot of it, but I still eat junk. I don't go to McDonalds or other fast food places (well, maybe once a month, but that's it). I do eat cookies, cake, brownies, pizza, bread, peanutbutter, regular soda (twice a week), .... 4. My exercise routine has always been active, and it hasn't changed. I'm going to be increasing this as the weather gets warmer. I really need to start lifting weights. Can I do more to lose weight? Yeah. Do I feel that I should be able to rely a little more heavily on my surgery and new stomach? Yeah. I'm still being positive, but it is a struggle. Diana

What a question. I totally identify with spending alot more time on appearances than I ever did preop. I had lots of clothing that was all baggy to cover the rolls, Now I look for things that cover the smaller lumps and bumps but show I have a shape other than round. I do not leave the house now without makeup, 95% of the time I style my hair, instead of my old hairstyle (a pony tail) I could get ready in a short amount of time and now, I do spend more time looking for something else. My clothing is all over the place in sizes, some of it is big on me and some is still a little tight, I have been lucky to find sales that allowed me to stock up and I always tried to buy things a little tight so they would fit later on. I have very few spring and summer clothes, so when that comes, the hubby is going to be irritated when I go shopping yet again. I have a few spring tops and 1 pair of capri pants. I can't wait for weather to wair them, it is so cold and rainy now, that seems a far away dream. I live in fear of sugar and fat, and I too struggle with food guilt, I am terrified of slipping back into my old habits. Some days I hardly eat at all and others I am starving all day. Things just are not as normal as before. There really is not much I can't eat, I really don't go out of my way to prepare new foods, I know I am short on protein and water, I still struggle with them. Basically, I am sick of the high protien foods so I have to force myself to eat them. On the other hand, I have more energy, most of the time, I have not been to the gym in 2 weeks - and I am feeling guilty over that! Today would be a good day because we have nothing going on tonight. But I doubt I will go. This crappy weather just makes me feel BLAH! all day! My family is happy for the most part, my husband misses his Chinese food pal, I just don't want it bc I can't eat all the courses that come with the meal, I am full after the soup and just have to eye the egg roll and my meal, and I can't have General Tsos Chicken bc it is fried so all the pleasure is gone from that meal for me and it reminds me of what I have lost. Stupid huh? I crave a Krispy Creme donut in the worst way, I just tell myself how sick it will probably make me and I have not caved yet. The reality is though, I do not miss all these things as much as I do not miss the 108 pounds no longer hanging all over my body. I kinda miss having real boobs that did not require a push up bra to feel like they are there, I hate the bat wings, but when I was big I did not wear sleeveless shirts either, so I am not missing anything from before. I did wear shorts, and I still do even though I look now like I have an extra leg on my inner thigh in extra skin..... But again, I look pretty NORMAL for the first time in 15 years. I look at least 10 years younger than my age, or so I am told - I cannot complain much! My kids miss candy and regular soda and the junk food trips we used to make quite often, but my oldest made the school soccer team and has her 2 mile run down to 14 and a half minutes, my little one has lost some weight too, and my hubby has lost 10 lbs since Christmas. The effects on them are for the most part positive, as are they with me. Sure I cry in my pitty pot every now and then, but I dance a jig every time the scale drops and I get closer to my goal weight, or when I can do a body pump class and it's not awful and after spending 45 mins doing cardio when I used to be able to do like 2. I have to say while buying clothes is putting me in debt sometimes and I miss my sweets, I am for the most part happy and I would not change this one bit, except I would behave better and cook at home more than I do and try not to shop so much. Kristy B 306/198/165 -108

HI everyone.. Seems we all are kinda touchy on our WLS in certain aspects. I have tried not to let it rule my life but at times i feel like i am it's slave. DOn't get me wrong. I am thankful for having the opportunity to get this surgery done. I feel 100% better the majority of the time and have more energy than i have had for years. At the same time, i hate getting up early in the am.....(work at 7) and drinking the protein and the whole regime..(ya know the drill....vitamins...etc)...I hate having to plan going on a road trip cause i know what a pain it is to have to plan drinks and snacks for me. The family (especially the hubby) gets touchy sometimes when i flat out refuse to go out to eat cause i cannot stand paying good money for eating that small amount of food.......I hate the majority of family on my side try to keep feeding me things i can't (or won't) eat while my hubby's family worries about feeding me anything while i am there....lol I love shoppin for clothes but hate my sagging skin and the thought of PS in the future......I love looking nice and spend more time with my hair and makeup than ever before. I just simply love live the majority of the time anymore....I love the attention i receive from people commenting on my weight loss.....etc... SO i simply weigh the pros and cons and go with the flo. The good, the bad and the ugly.....We are blessed to have had this surgery and now must take all the lumps and bumps that go with it....Every once in awhile i wish i could chug down a Pepsi..but then i stop and look at where it got me.....No thanks......I wouldn't trade my saggin boobs and flapping skin for all the Pepsi in the world, nor for all the embarassment i must have cause myslef and family by being so fat......not being able to get on a ride and having to leave the ride ramp when everyone was lookin.....etc....Bless my family for loving me that way....and fir not wanting to hurt my feelings back then. When i look at all those pics, I want to shake all of them.....Were they trying to protect me or is love just unconditional or truly in the eyes of the beholder? I worry about the future and what it wil bring as a result of this surgery..but when you stop and think about our lives anyhow, we were never guaranteed to live forever and and we could pass away a moment from now if it is our time to go.......So for right now, i am just having fun and driving everyone else bonkers with it Patty

I guess we are having post-op blues or something. I often and more so lately get so tired of going into the closet and not being able to find anything that fits. I have thrown away and given away most of my clothes. The clothes I got this past Christmas that fit perfect then are now getting big also. I have absolutely no summer clothes whatsoever, I tried them on and they fell off. So in the garbage they went. Sometimes it gets depressing, I know. And as for food I do buy things I can eat but as for the meals for the family I prepare them as normal and I eat what I can which is usually only the meat. And so I will eat meat and salad. Which is ok for me. I am happy I have done this but I don;t think one can ever be prepared for the lifestyle we must lead. But I am grateful to be able to do the things I couldn't do before. Like bend over and tie my shoes. I have lost 150 lbs so far and I am off of my C-PAP machine, which is a wonderful thing. We just have to take one day at a time and take it easy. Sometimes I find myself just thinking about food and what can I eat. I am able to tolerate alot of things which make it a little harder for me. Like I can eat sugar, not much cause if I do eat too much I get a nauseous feeling in my pouch and my insides start to shake. So then I know I have had too much sugar. And I am always worrying that my pouch is going to stretch and I will get fat again and I don't want that to happen. When I feel like I am going to eat what I am not supposed to be eating I grab my water bottle and try to fill up on water so I won't eat anything. Right now I have been at a standstill with my weight. Nothing coming off and nothing coming on. I don't know what to do to break out of this. I would like to lose 50 more lbs if at all possible, well, if I can get through this stand still. Well thanks for allowing me to vent a little bit. I do feel a little better knowing I am not the only one feeling like this. Take care everyone!! Linda

Hat, do you still have trouble with hamburger, if you do you need to try cooking it this way 0.5lb of hamburgery, I use medium put spices like onion powder, garlic powder, soya sauce, wostershire sauce, steak spice and meat tenderizer and pepper, just a shake of each. -crush 8 saltines and put them in the mixture and pour alittle water in and form it together -Use a large frying pan that you have a lid for and put alittle oil in it. Make the hamburgers around 4oz on a weigh scale, this will give you around 3 oz cooked and I can eat half of one at one sitting. -Make the balls into medium flattened burgers, not too thin, leave them kinda thick -brown on one side, not too long to burn them -flip them and add some cut up onions and brown the other side -Add one can of campbells tomato soup, salsa (hot or mild) and some water, not a whole can, to make the sauce, -cover and simmer on low for 40-50minutes. The hamburger is so tender, even me who couldn't eat, loves it and my husband thinks this meal is great. -I have done this a few different ways, once I put taco seasoning instead of salsa and it was great with a tablespoon of rice, the sauce is delisious and helps everything go down well, -the other night I did the same thing but made 1.5 oz meatballs with the same mixture, i didn't leave them round just flattened them alittle and browned both sides, didn't add any onions just two types of spagetti sauce and it was delicious and the meat like i said is soo tender. I have learned alot about cooking so that I can eat what I cook my family, if you want more suggestions just ask. Also, promise me you will try the above, you won't be disappointed. Louise