Feeling Down

I am starting to feel really down about this whole WLS experience. I'm at a pivotal point in my journey. Do I go back to my old habits or do I forage ahead? Unfortunately, despite not making a conscious decision to revert back to my pre-op days, that is what has happened ever since Thanksgiving. I had a great few days at the beginning of this month, but everything has gone down hill. The scale is not my friend. I keep looking for things to blame for my slow weight loss. Genetics, water, a busy day. But the truth is that it's my fault...all my fault. I still like food, and I often make the wrong choices. I don't drink enough water. I don't always take my vitamins. And my exercise schedule is sporadic at best these days. I know what I am supposed to do, but for some reason, I am having a really hard time doing it. This has happened every time I've gone on a diet. I get bored with the program, bored with the food choices. I get tired of dragging myself to the gym. These are all valid REASONS for being frustrated, but the fact is, they're still just excuses for not doing what I need to do. I'm starting to feel like I've squandered the last seven months away. Maybe I'd be down 100 pounds by now if I had played the game exactly as I was supposed to. Did I really push the envelope so far that I DESERVE to be a slow loser? I was using fitday since the beginning, always staying under 1000 calories, Were they the wrong calories? I exercised at least 3 times a week, but was it enough? Is it only my last two months that I've really screwed up? My guess is that is has really only been the last couple of months that have gone wrong. But I still have that nagging feeling that I've been bad from the beginning. ANYWAY...I just had to share what I was feeling because no one else in the world seems to understand these things like my fellow post-ops. Pamela -78 and probably stuck forever

Pamela, I'm sorry you're feeling so down on yourself. I had a feeling you were - I haven't seen you around here as much. I wish there was something I could do to make things better for you. What about a support group - is there one in your area? Or what about counseling? I think our eating issues are much more emotional/psychological than physical, and some people just have a tougher time than others. I have days that I just feel the need to eat, eat, eat. To me these are warning signs, and I am really trying to analyze why I sometimes feel the way I do. Somedays I give in and indulge myself, and other days I am able to find things to occupy me rather than eating. What about starting back at basics? Do a day or two of liquid diet (making sure you're getting protein) and move onto a week of pureed/soft foods. Try and keep your protein high and your carbs low. I've found that a day or two after I knock off the carbs, I don't crave them anymore. That should get your weight loss moving again, and hey, as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing more motivating than having those numbers going down. Of course, it's a decision you have to make. Pam, you are a wonderful person and you deserve great things. Be good to yourself - you deserve it!! If you ever need to 'talk', you can always email me. I hope I can be some support for you, and I'm sure everyone else here feels the same. Hugs, Nancy -90

Pam: Of all of the people on this website I have been able to relate to your experiences the most. Though I don't always respond to your postings I read them daily and can relate. You are NOT a supreme screw up and you know you didn't make a mistake to have this surgery. At an average of 10lbs per month you are doing just fine. Could you have lost faster...or could I...who knows? This is a journey, and each day a new experience. I have often felt like you do now- what is my problem- of course I am the only person who is going to "muck" this up- and not lose properly, or in fact, gain weight. Faced with poor food options, I still ocassionally make those bad choices. I know this, I STILL like my food- my carbs, my snacks.. I didn't lose my appetite, I don't dump, and I can eat a decent amount of food ( 1/2 to 3/4 c average per sitting) I don't know if that will ever change. But what has to change- it simply must is the way I deal with food each and every day. Some days are going to better than others,and some are worse. But THIS, my friend is NOT a diet, it is a way of life. It is a magical tool. Some people are more mechanically inclined than others and figure out exactly how to use the tool, and others, are less adept and have to keep practicing at it, to get the hang of it. You ( and I) certainly have not run out of options here. We could ( and I did a while ago, and will go back if need be) go back and visit a nutritionist- we could ( and I am) go back into a therapy situation and visit a local WLS support group. We could journal our thoughts increase exercise. Plan our meals, and continue to motivate ourselves. You and I both know why we did this surgery and what we want out of it for ourselves. We are good people and deserve all of it for ourselves. You have to stop dumping on yourself and getting frustrated. You ( and I know it through your posts) are very very bright. ( Besides also being beautiful with a face of an angel). If you want to e-mail me directly on a daily basis, please feel free to I understand where you are coming from, but its a place you don't want to, or need to be. Hang in there- and take each new day as it comes. Marcy -72 and counting...

Pam I always enjoy reading your posts and seeing your smiling face picture. I think you have a lot of courage to post your feelings both good and bad. Of course, you know that there is support here on-line. As always, advice flows like a river, too. *wink* So, I guess I should let my advice flow. My doctor knew that I'd be a slow loser--she told me this before surgery, and reminded me at my follow-ups. I had my surgery on 7/6, and I'm healthy, happy, and doing well with the scale (right now). From October 28 through December 28th I lost 5 pounds. It was pretty scarey only being a few months out and only losing 5 pounds in 8 weeks. I was grateful that I wasn't gaining, and even though it was very slow going, it was still going. With the new year, I've "recommitted" to some basics. I take my vitamins now without fail. That was my only New Year's Resolution. I haven't changed my eating habits (well, maybe a little since the holdiay food isn't around, but I don't feel as though they've changed much). My exercise habits are exactly the same. Still drinking the same water. Since December 28 up to today I've lost 7 pounds. I can't explain why, either. The only real difference has been taking my vitamin, and I really don't think that taking my vitamin is the big helper here. I really think that time is the factor. To be honest, I haven't made any efforts to lose weight since day one of my surgery. If I chose to make some efforts, I might be a size 6 right now instead of a size 16 (snug, but I'm in them). I'm comfortable with the choices I've made so far and I'm happy that I am able to make choices, even though it makes my journey a little more challenging. 78 pounds in just over 6 months is hardly a failure. Perhaps you are just in a "lull" and your body needs to catch up to itself. There is always something "more" that we can do. Personally, I know that I can do a better job of reducing carbs and sugar.....but I like carbs and sugar and I am fortunate (or unfortunate) enough that nothing makes me dump (yet--I know my day will come). It's just a matter of deciding what we are willing to give up to get what we want. I could give you the spiel about exercise more, eat more protein, drink more water......but you know all of that stuff--you don't need to hear it again, and certainly not from me, a lady on-line you've never met. The only thing I can really tell you is to be proud of yourself for doing so well. Don't give up, because it ain't over. All of us "fat ladies" are no where near ready to sing--it's far too soon for that. From what I understand, the first 6 months are the fastest weight loss, but we continue to lose for up to 18 months. As always, talk with your doc if you have concerns. I'm no doctor, but it doesn't sound like there's anything "wrong" with you or your weight loss. I wish you the best of luck, Pam. Keep posting here, too. Diana

Pamela, I'm so sorry to read that you are feeling down. It's awesome that you can pinpoint your areas of concern, and now it's just a matter of recommitting to why you had this surgery in the first place. I can relate to some of how you feel, but we are each different and respond in different ways. I can't really offer advice or wisdom, because I haven't been in your situation. What I can offer is support and encouragement. You have been an active participant of this board since the beginning, and that tells me that this is VERY important to you. Keep your chin up, do the right things (you know what they are ), and keep us posted on your progress. I wish you the very best, and know your heart will lead you to happiness. All the love, Jeff -105

Dear Pam, I'm so sorry your down. I can relate a bit to how you feel. I feel like the slowest loser sometimes and I eat right most the time and exercise quite a bit more then I expected and I still lose slow. I went almost 2 months without a real loss and it almost killed me. I thought I was done and would never see another pound lost. I was devastated and thought for sure I was the one that would fail this too. But you know what? I'm 10lbs lighter now then when I was stalled for 2 months. I remember getting stuck at 220 and thought I would NEVER get out of the 220's and here I am at 182. The point is that we're only 6 months out and surely they are the fastest losing months but rest assured we are not done by a long shot. If you look at anyone's profile who is at goal or near goal, about 99% of them it took them at least 18 months to lose it. I've seen some people who make goal without having ever exercised a day in their life after surgery. We have to keep our eye on the big picture and know that we will keep losing. Even if you only lose another 5 pounds a month from here on, you will keep losing and thats what matters. Chin up Pam, we're here for you and you can do this and keep going. Take one day at a time and try to stay off the scale. Your averaging more then 10lbs a month and thats wonderful! When was the last time we did that? Big hugs to you! Deejay 257/182/150 -75

Ok Pam....I'm torn between hugging you and giving you the tough love business You know what I always say...positivity is the key. You can't let yourself get down, and you can NOT blame yourself for everything. Here is something everyone should remember....: It's ok for me to cheat, but it's NOT ok for me to quit!....repeat that to yourself when you are down, or when you're tempted to eat the wrong things etc.... and especially after you made a bad choice..so you remember, it's ok sometimes...but you need to move on after that! You need to keep a routine so that you never forget those vitamins...they are so important...and the water thing, well, I have trouble some days too, just keep plugging on!!!! You deserve to be happy...and you need to work on being happy. This surgery will continue to work for you, as long as you give it the chance to do so. All the people who claim XX pounds gone forever! are wrong...it's only forever if we MAKE it forever. It's still a LOT of hard work, and we're here to help you when you need us. Please, don't be down on yourself...just forge ahead and be happy....and again, remember: IT'S OK FOR ME TO CHEAT, BUT IT'S NOT OK FOR ME TO QUIT!!!!!! Linda 268/169.5

Pam!! My dear!! First off...I commend your admission to what you feel you are doing wrong. You don't know what a big step that is. As people have said...we had surgery on our stomachs...not on our brains. For most of us, we are food addicts. Weight loss is the most difficult thing to accomplish. Unlike a smoker or alcoholic who can avoid cigarettes or alcohol we need food to survive. If you haven't done it in while..do your measurements. That can always be a booster because maybe you are loosing inches you aren't aware of. Also, recommit to yourself to do things you feel you are doing wrong. Like others have said...78lbs in 6 months is amazing. I'm sure if you recommit you will see results. Always know you have a BIG group of cheerleaders here!! Tara

{{{{{Pam}}}}} A cyber hug for you my friend. I'm praying for you - and all of us! If we don't need the prayer today, we might tomorrow. As you know, and has already been said: this is a journey and some days are really tough. Traci

First , I want to say i love the new picture . and all i can say is WOW .. I to know what you are going thru . but you are doing better than me . you are noticing and admitting what you are doing . I still struggle w/ doing excercise . i have walked maybe 10 times since surgery . and that is it . i am sabotaging myself these last few days . Hun , just try and focus on what you need to do . I was told as long as you excersice and drink . and get protein it will come off . i to was hoping to be at -100 by now . but i just keep telling myself w/o this surgery i wouldnt be this far .. pat your self on the back you are doing awesome . we all slip from time to time we just need some wake up calls to pick us back up .. and try harder the next day . I to am starting to love food again . And i tested fate to see if sugar makes me sick and not at all . It is mentally challanging . but we can do this . i have been doing alot of self talk . negative out positive in .. we can do this say it . tomorrow i will do my best . I pray each nite before bed for God to help me improve tom ... take care and dont be so hard on you .. love the new hair do ..