depressed

Hi everyone I am Regina I live in the new orleans area and i am six nonths out and have lost 124 I was starting to feel real good about my self but now it seems my husband is trying to shoot me back down because my appearance is much better. We are starting to have marital problems now. Does anyone have any advise for me I feel like i am falling into a slum again any help will be appreciated . thanks july 14, 2004 356 lbs January 14, 2005 232

{{{hugs}}} Sorry you're feeling down. Many marriages get rocky after WLS. My advice is to seek out marriage counseling. Good luck! Traci

Hi Regina, First of all, congratulations on your awesome weight loss!! 124 lbs. in six months is amazing and I hope you feel proud of yourself! As far as your husband goes, I don't think it's uncommon for spouses to feel a bit threatened after their wife/husband has surgery and begins to look 'more attractive'. I am divorced and don't have to deal with that, but I feel for you. Maybe you can post this problem on the main board - there is a lot more experience there and I'm sure you can find someone who has been through it and maybe can give you some direction. I would suggest counseling if your hubby will go for it - if not, maybe you can go yourself. Wishing you all the best, and I hope you will stick around and let us know how things are going. We're a very supportive bunch!!! Hugs, Nancy -90

I have heard this happen one too many times. Please seek counseling...for the two of you and for you. I am sure you husband just needs some re-assurance... Our personalities change as we shed the pounds ad our loved ones have a hard tme coping. Don't let it sabotage your great success! Good Luck..I will keep ou in my prayers. Joanie

Hi Regina, Since I've not been through this, I can't offer much advice, but I can tell you that you should be very proud of your accomplishment, and surround yourself with others that will support you and love you. My very best to you during this bumpy time. Jeff -105

HI Regina... First off, congrats on your amazing loss...you should be very proud. Now...you need to remember a couple of things. 1- you need to keep people around you who are supportive, do not allow ANYONE to bring you down. and 2- ALWAYS stay positive!!!! Negativity is the WORST thing you can bring into your life, that negativity is what causes failures. You are doing so well, and have turned your life around with this weight loss, don't let anyone take that away from you. As for your marriage...some people harbour a resentment for people who are as successful as you have been....and of course, jealousy. He could very well be afraid of losing the woman he married, the fact that you have and will continue to change, your attitude etc....not neccessarily that you'd leave him, just maybe that you aren't the same person. See if you can't get him into counselling with you, try to fix things...but you know...you need to put YOU first too...if things don't get better for you, try taking time off....if you two truly love each other, things will work out...just don't let him change who you've become, if you like who you are... Please keep positive thoughts....don't allow this to depress you...you stay strong and get the help you need, including coming here just to talk etc.... I'll be thinking of you...and hoping everything works out for the best for you.... hugssssss.... Linda 268/171.5

Regina, there is a 60% divorce rate on post op WLS patients. Please, do your best to get the both of you into counseling. If you are having problems now, imagine what will happen at goal!!!??? Have you tried to give your husband tons of reasurance? Maybe you just need extra support, and he just need extra reasurance. OR maybe he has always put you down and u just never noticed. I really hope that's not the case... That's what happened to me, though. I was left out and put down for many years, and I did not even realized it!! It took me losing some weight to be able to see things in a different light, and to realize how I should/wanted/deserved to be treated. That's when I was forced to make some rash choices. Somebody else mentioned that we change as the weight comes off, that's very true, but I think I would rather say that we find the person lost inside as the weight comes off... Have you tried to get him to express to you what is it that is getting him to act the way he is acting? If he can't tell you maybe he doesn't even know, or maybe he is affraid of letting it out. Sometimes we chose not to say certain things out loud, because when they are out in the open, they become real... So hard, isn't it? Well hon, it is up to you to save your relationship, don't let it slip off your hands without a fight! SEEK HELP! The odds are not in your favor (sorry, statistics don't lie), but it is up to you if you want to beat it or not. We can do it, we just need to figure out how bad we want it! Good luck, keep us posted, I see a lot of posts just like yours and we never hear the outcome of it... I hope you and your husband find a way to work it all out. Vivi