Guilt and anger

I was sitting around with friends the other day talking about weight. They have both been thin during their adult years, but currently are depressed about their weight. Neither are anywhere close to qualifying for WLS. But, both know I have had it. And, both admit that it hasn't been easy for me. Anyway, we were swapping stories and complaining about thing nasty things that fat does to a body. The more we talked about how hard it is to lose, the guiltier I started to feel. I know that tomorrow I will wake up and not be able to stop this diet. So, I know that a week from now I will weigh less than I do today. I went out last week. For the first time in years, I actually got some attention. It kind of pissed me off. I wanted to grab them by the throats and shake them really hard. I am the same person I was when I was there last month. Only now, I have passed some magic weight line that makes me worth talking to. One guy even made comments about a "fat" (his word) girl. I wanted to yank up my shirt and show him my ugly belly skin and let him know that he was talking about me a month or two ago. Maybe I should be flattered at the attention, but it just makes me angry. Hat

Hat, I don't know why you're feeling guilty. You've had your share of troubles from WLS, so it hasn't been an easy road. You can only be responsible for yourself, and your friends have to be responsibile for themselves. You certainly haven't taken the easy way out. You still have to watch what you eat, etc. We've had a certain amount of choice taken from us and sometimes that's pretty scary. As far as being angry because of the preception that fat = ugly and skinny = beautiful, I hear you. Not much to say about it, unfortunately that's the way it is. Most people are very PC about race, religion, etc, but fat people are still fair game for ridicule and laughs....it's very sad. Hugs, Nancy -71

Hi there, we are surgery twins! I don't think you should feel guilty! As yo said:You have had your share of troubles; plus your life should not mirror yor friends' lives... Your life shouldn't mirror anyone's life! Your life is a gift from God, a journey that only you can go through. As long as you are not the one making others' journeys more difficult, there is nothing to feel guilty about! I guess I don't really understand where the guilt is coming from... Are they trying to make u feel guilty at all, or is it just the situation? As far as being mad at the guy... I totally understand!! I often feel that if I were to find someone in my life (after I lose the weight), I'd always wonder if he would've asked me out, had I still been fat. That's a question several of us (post-op singles) have in the back of our minds and I don't really know how to address that one... I hope we all find the confidence and the healthy relationships in the future, which won't allow those questions and angry feelings to emerge. I think, had someone said something about a "fat girl" in from on me, I'd have been sooo pissed. I'd probably make a comment such as: "That's a horrible thing to say about someone you don't know, I used to be much heavier and I now I wonder if you would say that about me!" and walk away. In my mind, that girl could have been me a few months ago! Maybe not a classy thing to do, but I'm red blooded! Hope you feel better!!!! -Flávia