It gets better and better!

This week, in the middle of a ton of heartache and stress (relationship breakdown), I feel so blessed, so proud of my decision for WLS. First great thing that happened this week ... I had to go shopping for clothes that actually fit me for a job interview. For the first time as an adult (I'll be 30 in a little over a month) I was able to shop at a store that WASN'T a plus size store!!!! I actually ENJOYED buying clothes that fit "properly". Nothing oversized to "disguise" the size of my stomache or the rolls on my back. Discovered that the rolls on my back are actually GONE! I have a jawbone for the first time. How did I not notice that my triple *****Yup, not double but triple *eek*) was gone?? I bought nail polish and did my fingernails and even my toes! I wore jewelry again which I'd stopped bothering with. I felt so feminine and dare I say for a while there I even dared to feel beautiful. I had my interview yesterday. I was an hour and a half early and had to wander around to different stores doing nothing and killing time. I was so anxious and a bit intimidated. The job is just at a clothing store, but it is the place I have wanted to work for years. I do have education to become a legal assistant or correctional officer, but I want to ENJOY my job! This store is a plus size store (chain) and I've been loyal to that store for so many years. The staff are amazing, always upbeat. I wanted to work somewhere that I could help other large size women to enjoy shopping, feel great about themselves, find fashionable clothes that make them feel sexy and beautiful in a world where "larger" women are often overlooked. And I got the job I was to start on Monday however I have to be in New York for a follow up with my surgeon on Tuesday, so I start a week from Monday instead. I'm very excited!!! Then last night a girlfriend I speak to often but don't get to see often, called and asked if I wanted to go do something with her. We met in town and her jaw just dropped to the floor, she broke out into a huge beaming grin, got tears in her eyes (OH MY!) and said "oh my friend, you are so beautiful, I am so proud of you". She hugged me so tight I thought I was going to break! She ooh'ed and aww'ed in honest pleasure for my wls success. I had thought for a while that she was not happy for me so seeing her genuinely happy for me was such a gift, even more so than her wonderful comments. We had a great time and she asked all kinds of questions about my surgery, my new lifestyle etc. She made me feel like a million bucks! Each day postop just seems to get better and better. And for once the not so good things going on in my life don't seem as hard to cope with now that so much is happening that is positive as well to balance it all out. We are all truly a blessed group here! I love reading all your postop "aha" moments!!! Thought today I'd share some of mine Hope you are all enjoying the changes in yourselves as much as I am enjoying the changes in my life! Have a great weekend! Melissa

dear melissa it does get better and better doesn't it!! once you get the hang of the food and exercise and the weight starts falling off, it is like a whole new world opens up. i am shopping in the misses dept for the first time in 15-20 years. i often go shopping just to try things on!! ( shallow i know but who cares!) congratulations on your many positive changes. best of luck on your continuing journey lilykate

I don't think it's shallow at all. There are so many fortunate women who have never had to worry about finding something to fit. Some people take for granted the feeling of walking into any old store and trying something on and feeling like a million bucks! For us it is so much sweeter I think. We know how we felt when we couldn't do this, and now that we are starting to be able to? I say ENJOY IT and NEVER take it for granted! I hope that everything you try on fits perfect, that sizes keep shrinking, and that you always see the beautiful woman inside of yourself regardless of what we have all told ourselves in the past Melissa

Melissa- I am so happy for you. My heart just broke into a million pieces when I read your post on your breakup. In fact I didn't even know how to respond. I am so thrilled that through all the dark clouds the sunshine is finally breaking through to shine on you. When my parents got divorced when I was a child and my mom and I set out on our own we developed a phrase "We are women of the world and we can do anything". Whatever life handed us we would just tell ourselves that and it seemed to empower us. Take that phrase and use it and know that this is the begining of your life and make it only sunshine for the rest of your years. There is nothing you can't accomplish. Heather

Heather, thank you so much for your empathy and for sharing you and your mothers wise words! I am going to borrow them every time I need them It is really nice to finally see some good things coming into my life. It is the sad reality for so many of us overweight women that we don't put ourselves first, that we allow ourselves to be treated in a way that is less than what we deserve. My current motto is "I live today for ME", and I'm telling myself that every morning. As for my relationship, I am so conflicted. There is so much good in my d/h. He has the hugest heart of anyone I have ever met. I have friends absolutely stunned to hear how unhappy I am in this relationship. I can admit I'm spoiled rotten. I don't ask for much, yet I recieve alot. He is a very generous person and is a great provider for me and my children. My friends love that he shows his love through material things (they think it's the life of Riley). And of course what woman doesn't hope that someone would spoil them rotten? I'm only human. But I am also a very simple person. I have always lived under the poverty line, as a child, and now as a parent. I have learned that sacrifice isn't so difficult when you have people in your life who know your true value and who you are deeply bonded to. The thing is I think he truly believes that I should just be oh so happy that I can buy new Nike's, or go on a holiday, or hit the sales at my favorite shops. What he doesn't realize is that I can't be bought. I am a very loving person who has alot of love, support etc for the right person (who I thought was him??!!). But I am also human and have a need to be given that same love and support back. Now I do get support on most things, even if it isn't the way i'd like it, he is a very encouraging person in anything I pursue. But when you NEVER hear "I love you", or when you go to hug or kiss someone and they always push you away, when they never seek you out for affection, well what on earth happens? You end up feeling worthless and uncared about and not valued. I have grown into my current position of "I AM worthy, I AM valuable, I have EVERY right to be LOVED in return". Sadly I don't think he's ever going to understand that. I try so hard to remember that he first off is a man, and often men aren't as open as women. I try to respect that. I try hard to recognize that his entire family is very cold and distant. But darn it, I still see an "excuse" to "not be emotionally participating" in our relationship. The first year he wasn't afraid to say I love you, was open with physical affection. So he knows HOW, he is simply CHOOSING to withhold it from me. It is all very sad. The saddest part is that I learned that at his workplace he is very rude in the things he says about me (never ever ever to my face). The things he says are blatant lies or distorted realities, and it hurts. He has this thing where he will story tell to others, they feel bad that he's "stuck in a relationship like that", and he gets this sympathy that somehow he craves?? It's weird.... hard to explain. Him and I did talk a few nights ago. It is very sad because I want so much to believe he is willing to be a participant in this relationship. But he has let me down every other time and it is hard to trust, hard to risk again There is so much more to the story but it isn't important. In the end I am just "stuck", wanting to leave for self preservation, plan in place to go and everything. Then there's the part that doesn't want to give up on a great guy (in many ways he is wonderful) if there is hope. I'm just so much closer to no hope at all, I'm not sure if I've crossed the line. I have conflicting opinions amongst my friends and family. Some say stay and try reaching him, others say what have you waited so long to go for?? *sigh* So yup, in all this crap there is sunshine coming in. And it helps me to know that the better I feel in every other area of my life, the more determined I am that this relationship is either immediatly changing or that I'll make it on my own again and that I'll be okay. On another AWESOME note! I am now officially UNDER 200lbs!!! 199lbs today !!! Things like that help me hold my head up high, help me feel good enuf that I can handle the garbage in my life. Thanx again for your quote! I think it is awesome!! Melissa