Post wls breakups

What is up with this? I have read all kinds of stuff about it, and of course thought well it won't be happening to me. And here I am planning on how to get an affordable apartment while keeping my kids in the same school, how to make sure i can afford everything on my own. My move out date is Jan 1. I'm still in shock, even though it is my decision. I know people will think it is due to WLS, and it truly isn't. It is just ironic timing. The thing is, in order to even have courage to HAVE wls, I first had to grow and change as a person. It was for the better, no regrets. I had to learn to value myself the way I should be valued in order to make such a life altering decision to put myself first and have surgery. In the process I suddenly became the person I always was afraid I'd never have the courage to be. The type of person who stands up for what she deserves, doesn't want to put up with other people's crap treatment, and has awakened the woman inside herself who demans that she be treated like an attractive, lovable, valuable person. So here I am, still a fatty at 207lbs, and getting ready to start my life over. My eyes are so red and swollen and my head is pounding like something out of this world. I am sick to my stomache and so afraid for the future. The only thing I'm certain of is that if I never learn to command the treatment I deserve, I'm never going to get that kind of treatment. And yup, I'm pretty darn fed up of the treatment around here. I don't know wether to feel proud of myself for taking power over my own life again, or to feel ashamed that I've made excuses, become a phenomenal actress, and disrespected myself for being with someone who is never going to love me as I should be loved. It is a very mixed state of emotion I am in right now. What is up with this post WLS breakup phenomen? My dh (soon to be ex) always said I was "gonna get skinny and beautiful and then leave for some other man". Well damn it, I wasn't skinny but I was beautiful and I wasn't with him because I was "too fat to find another man", I was sadly waiting for him to grow into the man I deserve. Well I've lost weight and shed some pounds sure. But the biggest weight off my shoulder's isn't going to be the "pounds", it's going to be the continuous hurt, feelings of unworthiness, feelings of degredation etc. Nope, it won't be for another man. It is totally about ME! For the first time in my life, my world (other than my role as 'mom') is going to be about ME! Dang it people don't like it when we rejoin the real world of mentally healthy people *****cognize the value in themselves do they?? Thanx for letting me vent. I really need it. I'm going to try not to cry while falling asleep tonight. My head can't take anymore. I'm trying not to cry any more "hurt" tears, I'm going to rename each tear "LIBERATION". Please keep me in my prayers! Melissa

WOOHOO Melissa!! All I can say is...YOU GO GIRL!! My daughter and I are moving to our new townhouse next weekend. Our breakup began before my WLS and will be final next weekend. You didn't make up excuses. Everything you said made perfect sense. No you don't deserve to be treated poorly and you have always been beautiful!! Hold your head up high!! I am sending you a hand to hold as we go on this venture together. If another man comes in the future that deserves us that is wonderful but for now it is about us. Good Luck and if you need anything e-mail me!! Tara 305/244/170

Melissa: Amen sister!! Hold your head high and be proud to be you. Michelle

My break up happened before WLS was even an option. He left cuz he was embarrased by my weight and thought I was a fat ugly slob (5'3 185 lbs.) Well, after that I gained even more weight and by the time I reached 223 lbs I coldn't take it anymore and had WLS. I like to think I did it for myslef, and not the jerk that did nothing but put me down, mistreat me and call me fat for over 6 years. F.

Hey Melissa, I think the phenom is because as we lose (whether our relationships sucked before the surgery or not) our personalities change a bit. We feel a little reborn so to speak and there's nothing wrong with that. I think of myself as a very liberated woman that thinks all women deserve to be treated with respect and dignity and any man who cannot give that is not deserving of our love. You are a beautiful person and I'm sure you will make this new change in your life a positive one. You are in my thoughts and prayers and know that we're all here for you.

hi melissa, you are a wonderful person with a mind of your own. you are going to be just fine. men can very mean. this has to show you that he is not the right one for you. your perfect guy is out there and when the time is right you will meet. be selfish for a while and do what you need to do for you. women don't need men to make us complete. yes it is a wonderful feeling to be loved and to love someone, however love is 50/50 and if it is not then things need to change. no one should settle! i met the love of my life (so i thought) almost 5 years ago. we were together for 3 1/2 years, got engaged july 4, 2003 in front of my family at our family reunion. he cried it was so sweet and the best day. after things started getting worse, but when your in love you tend not to see how your really being treated. so on october 5, 2003, he left me. saying that i had gotten too fat and a bunch of other bologna (lies). I already had decided to have the wls-it had nothing to do with him. after he left, he said he needed some time and that it will work out and no matter what we would be friends. on march 13, 2004 he married his girlfriend. he said they had been friends for a 1 1/2 years, but he never cheated. whatever, so of course he is out of my life and i hope to never have to talk to him again. but my point is, i have never been happier. our lives work out, no matter what obstacles come our way. stay positive and keep smiling. don't let anyone get you down. have faith in yourself. God Bless, karrie

Hey melissa, its ok u got us behind u,,,and u're right,, what they fell to realize is that its abt us now... i know b4 surgery with me,,i was 268 and knocking on 300 at 5'1 got to the point where even my calfs in the back of my legs were rubbing together....oh to my lover i was so beautiful.... my stomach looked like i was 9 mths pregnant..hell when i had my son 20yrs ago i was 175lbs now i'm almost double,,,, but to get back to the letter...why when we lose weight r we talked abt...alll i hear now r u're too skinny r u're just bones... even though i'm still 220 havent even lost my 50lbs yet...but if i dont hear negative i will not here nothing,,,But i think u r doing a wonderful thing,,, and remember,, when u havent done nothing to him yet everything for him,, u shld feel no pain...yeah its gonna hurt for a while,, but it doesnt last forever.. dana [email protected] and i do instant message if u want. my prayers with u... my lover moved here frm houston 3yrs ago and now i want them to go back...i never asked them to move here and we hadnt even discussed it..but i feel like i owe them somthing for doing it...welll thats another story,,, u take care of u ok.. dana

Hey Melissa, My hubby got fired for porn addiction at work the day before my wls surgery. We, for now, live as roommates in the same house. I have changed though. I have set clear healty boundries and that is what you are doing. You are putting your foot down to mistreatment and that is very couragous. Yes, you will have pain, but I can garentee your life will improve! Your focus is clearer and you know you deserve better and you do!!! Sounds like your future x has major low self-esteem, "cause that's what they do, lower people around them so they can feel superior. CHIN UP, FREEDOM TEARS, NEW LIFE!!! (((HUGS))) & Prayers, Angela

Hey Melissa.. I wish i had teh courage you do... My relationship has sucked for 3 1/2 years ... i have alwasy had thought about leavign but just been to scared... however i agree that the surgery even though its not the reason it does give us a sense of courage that if we can beat our #1 opstical in life we can beat anything.. which is not a bad thing at all.. im getting there and i feel deep down soon ill finally have the courage you do to say enough is enough