Pity Party-All aboard

Disclaimer: The overall attitude and feel of this message is not considered "normal" for this member. It is a rare occurance, meant to let out the inner "pity partiers" for a brief time before repasting the happy smile on the face and enjoying the freedom WLS has brung. Okay, whew! Now that is out there, let me just say how I feel today. THANKSGIVING SUCKS! Oh yes I have a ton of things I'm thankful for. But when did Thanksgiving become based on a freaking huge ass meal anyway? Whose brilliant plan was this??? So I spend hours last night peeling carrots, potatoes, rutabaga. Make my world famous stuffing (dressing) ... which I absolutely love/adore/worship. Thank goodness my mother was spending the night, she got to be the taste tester while preparing. Pumpkin pie is waiting with whipped cream topping. Baked this morning fresh. Homemade loaves of bread are being sliced and loaded with real butter. Pickles. Cranberries. Yummy, fat filled gravy spiced to perfection. Yup, a feast abounds downstairs on the dining room table. I am alone in my room, having finished my 2 oz's of turkey, 4 small carrot rounds and 1tbsp mashed potatoes. I couldn't bring myself to eat with my family. I burst into tears the minute I hit the kitchen to make a plate for myself. I don't want to watch them enjoying everything and ooh'ing and awww'ing over how good each freaking bite tastes. How the flavors mingle. I've eaten so many damn carrots the past couple of months I could scream. I am having my very first ever "I MISS FOOD" moment. Will it pass? Of course! But I can't get Thanksgiving back this year as I am stuck upstairs in my bedroom/prison in order that my tears don't freak out my kids. Yup, instead of making them upset with MY upset, they just think mom's lost her flipping mind, hiding upstairs during one of her favorite holidays. All I can say is that I am thankful for many many things today on Thanksgiving, but the biggest thing I feel grateful for at this particular moment is that tomorrow will come and this day will be over and maybe I can get my sanity back that seems to have fled today! Melissa

I went through this the first few "big meals" my family had after my surgery (my surgery was the day before yours). After that I had to sit down and have a long talk with myself. I had to remind myself that it was meals such as this that put me in the predicament I was in because I could not control myself. I remembered why I wanted this surgery, who I did it for and what I knew I would be giving up. Now, at 11 weeks out, I am back in the kitchen cooking and baking (one of my all time joys) and watching my family and friends enjoy just like I used to do. I had forgotten one thing after my surgery.....the best part of my cooking and baking wasn't in the eating....it was the love I put into it for everyone to enjoy. My hubby and I went to the Apple Festival and came home with the most beautiful roma apples you every saw! I have been busy as a bee baking fresh apple cakes and putting them up in the freezer. My son's friend came home last week from Iraq and enjoyed a fresh apple cake, along with chicken fried steak, rice and gravy, pole beans with hamhocks, sliced tomatoes and pickled vegetables - none of which I could have. Bu****ching his face as he filled his plate was all the pleasure I needed. I don't see any problem with our upcoming Thanksgiving. I will be making foods that I can enjoy, but will also be making all the traditional dishes for my family to enjoy! I will be giving thanks for having had my surgery and that I am reclaiming my life and my health. Patti

Boy, I feel lucky. I don't have to deal with Thanksgiving until next month! You know, that kind of confused me that you were making Thanksgiving dinner already, until I realized you were from Canada and not California. LOL! ANYWAY...I've had a few of those "I miss food" moments, but none that have reduced me to tears. I get frustrated sometimes because I want to eat more than a couple of bites of something. For the most part, I can eat what everyone is eating, bu****ching everyone gorge themselves on huge amounts of food is hard for someone who used to be able to out-eat these people. You are NOT alone in this. For a lucky few, this won't be an issue. For the rest of us, BBQs and holidays aren't going to be easy for the next year. They may never be easy again...it just depends on how our relationship with food works out. For me, Christmas will be the hardest...I am not looking forward to it one bit, and on Christmas Eve, I'll be the one hiding in my bedroom as everyone else gets to eat all the goodies I make for the occasion. Hang in there! Think about all the times you watched the skinny people eat at Thanksgiving and wondered how they could resist everything. Now you get to be one of the skinny people! Pamela -48

Melissa, first of all, please don't confuse sharing your emotions with a pity party. This is perhaps one of, if not the, hardest things each of us has done. This surgery takes so much from you...physically, emotionally, and so on. Never feel that reaching out is asking for pity. (Pardon me while I remove my shrink hat)... OK, that said, I TOTALLY relate with how you feel. My episode came one day where I had spent the entire day throwing up because a freaking piece of turkey got caught. My sides and back ached from throwing up so much. I even pulled over twice on the ride home to throw up. I drove by a place where my buddy and I USED to go and grab a few beers and some dinner...and for some weird reason...I broke down! I cried like a freaking baby. Everything that went wrong that day hit me at once, and I was an emotional wreck. I got home and still cried and still kept throwing up. Finally, the turkey dislodged, I drank some water, and calmed myself down. The next day, I had lost THREE POUNDS, and all of my emotions were re-directed to positive thoughts about the WLS. Christmas will, I'm sure, be very difficult. Not for food reasons, but because this is the one time a year I go home to be with family and friends. I'll be honest, for me it is typically a 4-5 day drunk fest! (My brother has video footage of me at 5:30am Christmas morning with a beer in one hand and a gift in the other). This year, I am trimming my time home down to 3 days. However, I know those 3 days will be full of partying with friends--well, they'll party anyway. I probably sound like an alcoholic, which I'm not, but I do very much miss partying... Hang in there, Melissa! You're doing great, and I know as time goes on you will continue to be thankful for the tool you've been given! Jeff

OMG, I so can relate, I am not really having much trouble with the food party of the deal, but Gosh, do I miss drinking... Hollidays for my family are usually a drink fest, the best wine, beer and champagne we can find, lst x-mas we had a BOX of Crystal... and from this point on, I won't be part of the 'happy-crew' anymore... So sad!!! Flavia Btw: There is no alcoholism in my family, we are just happy partiers!

I thought Thanksgiving was in november??????????????

She is in Canada... Flavia

Melissa, I can sure understand your feelings. As a chronic worrier, I have been worrying about the holidays coming up - Thanksgiving, Christmas and wondering what I am going to do. I have planned to make some sugar free desserts and low carb side dishes that I can eat, but I think I will also try and plan some new 'food-free' traditions such as playing board games or charades or something like that. Maybe a nice long walk after dinner. I just came back from an annual weekend trip with friends and it was a bit depressing for me. We went out to dinner a couple of times and there was virtually nothing I could eat since I am still having problems with chicken, tuna, etc. I had a couple of steamed shrimp and started to get a bit sick, so I spent a lot of the time just wanting to get away from food situations. At those times I get kind of sad because I feel very alone and kind of like an outsider, but when I look in the mirror, I know I am thrilled that I had this surgery. I also know that most likely, this won't last forever. It takes a long time to break habits and I guess we all have a lot of work to do in order to change our relationship with food. Please don't think you're alone in your feelings, we are all struggling in one way or another and I know we all understand your tears. I'm sure it will get better. We're just babies yet, and learning as we go. Hugs, Nancy -57

Been There!! I think we all have. I am looking forward to the holidays though. They are my favorite time of year! I love the lights, music, decorations, and I used to LOVE the TASTE!!! This year will be different. I know this and I hope that it will not effect how I feel about the holidays. Hang in there. Just remember that food does not make who you are. I am sure that you love the communication around the table and not just the food. If I had to I would eat before everyone else and go for that walk while they are eating. I know that they will understand. I know that you have made other people realize what is to come in the United States as far as holidays go. Food is a main part of everyones life but I think that my self control along with food has runined enough of my life. So don't let it control anymore of it!!!!! Christmas will be better!! Sending Lots of Love!!!

Hey guys...they operated on our stomachs..not our brains. I still struggle with that feeling when I go out for dinner all psyched to chow down like in the old days, and then reality sets in and I know I can't. So I order my favorite thing that I know I won't puke from- it gets set in front of me...and then three or four bites later...stick a fork in it...I am done. My stomach tells me I am done, but my brain and my mouth still want more. Last Monday was my husband's birthday. My daughter who works at Dairy Queen made him an iced creamed birthday cake. It looked so yummy I was salivating over it. But I had been so sick for over a day from having eaten turkey that I was afraid to chance anything. So in that moment I told myself " it sucks to be you...get over it !! " Seriously though, I made myself some ff/sf butterscotch pudding and it was fine. I could even deal with it being in the freezer for days and I haven't had at it. For years I have been allergic to shrimp and other seafood. And I especially love it. But because I had a couple of bad episodes with my throat closing I won't ever chance eating it again. I am hopeful that my fear of dumping and being sick will keep me away from the stuff that caused the problems to begin with and will continue to derail our weightloss efforts. By the way Dairy Queen makes a really good sf/ff cremesicle and fudgesicle- in a few different varieties- nice for an occassional treat, and infinitely better than those BLIZZARDS I used to eat that are more calories in a medium serving than I eat in a day and half. My how things have changed! Bottom line I am sure we are all going to have times that we feel left out and deprived. But eating is no longer a recreational sport for us. Not unless its for a short sprint. No longer can I be in a food marathon...those days are over. So we must enjoy our friends and family and forget about the food...its only food!!