Hard Times!!!!!

Thanks Anne, I feel the exact way that you do. Like I said, some weeks I feel like the poster child for this surgery. I mean I work it, 60 grams or more of protein, exercise 6 days a week, 64 ozs of water, less than 20 grams of carbs, less the 10 grams of fat, and less than 10 grams of sugar. I mean I am working my tool. But then my mind catches up with my body and I can smell the popcorn attacking my nose at the movies, or the pizza my coworkers are eating while I have cottage cheese or whatever else I can find at the salad bar. Anyway, I caved.....it happens....and let me tell you....I made love to that one slice of pizza....every bite was ummmmmmmmmm.....I was scared that I was going to get sick...but I did not. Thank god! Yes tomorrow is another day, thank you so much for your support! 60bls down is wonderful!!!! Congrats on your weight loss! Tweedy 315/248/150

Tonia, Hard times, indeed. During the day, this is great! People at work and colleagues at social and business functions are nothing but compliments. How great I look, how slim I'm getting, and so on. But at night, when I come home after a long day at work, I ask myself over and over "what have I done to myself?" I wanted to be healthy. I wanted to lose weight. I wanted to be more socially acceptable and more "attractive"...but at what price? The price I've paid has been dramatic. Scared of everything that enters my mouth because it might mean the rest of the day throwing up. Scared of eating too much and stretching or, God forbid, rupturing my pouch. Scared of having a ****tail to unwind because it will give me liver disease. Scared of a kinked bowel, or a leak, or malnutrition, or the million other things that you're warned of but don't really seem to understand until AFTER surgery. As for anyone who says this surgery is easy, I can honestly say that next to losing my brother, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. I work my ass off for every pound I lose. I decline social invitations because I don't want to be scrutinized or chastised for what I do (or, actually DO NOT eat or drink). At times I want SO BAD to get silly drunk and forget about a bad day, but I can not. And at other times, I want to revert back to the old Jeff and find some "comfort food" at McDonalds or Arby's, but I do not. And that is perhaps the hardest part of all. Physically, we all know what to do and what not to do. Emotionally, I can say I am at times a wreck. And, as mentioned earlier, at times I question "what have I done to myself?" I'm using the tool correctly. I've lost 70 pounds in less than three months. I look better than I have in years. I feel better (physically) than I have in years. But, somehow, when people ask "would you do it again?", there is always a brief hesitation, and then the politically correct and expected answer: "in a heartbeat." I thank God every day for this tool, and for blessing me with minimal complications and moderate success. But I would be lying to you all, and myself, if I said there weren't days when I would be thrilled to be at 338 pounds and living my old life. Sorry for this post, you guys...I know it isn't my typical positive demeanor. Guess it's just been one of my rougher days. In closing, would I do it again? IN A HEARTBEAT! Hang in there, my dear friends, and know that we're here to support and cheer each other...through good times and bad, good food choices and bad, and through thick (but more likely) thin times! God bless you all! Keep smiling and keep the faith! -Jeff RNY 7/7/4 338/268/188

Hey Jeff, Oh wow! I can really relate! I love all of the attention I am getting at work, and how good I am looking etc. But I have really had to change what social events I accept and which ones I have to let pass me by. I miss social eating, and not having to think....ok, what is that going to do to me! That is what I meant by being on this great diet, but not being able to take a break... Since I had surgery over the summer, my family and I opted to do a fall vacation (Porta Rico) first week of November. Dang, I want to have at least one Margarita...well that will not be happening. Then I thought, oh I will get a virgin one....then I thought....oh yeah...the sugar....I would hate to dump!!!!!! Oh, like I said in my post...my liver test came back with a slight increase, which means I will have to be retested. God, that has me nervous. Oh god what does this mean.....could what I have done effected my other organs. Like I said, I identified with everything you posted. Thanks for being so real! I needed this! Oh and just as you......I am still happy with my decision and would do it again. I have lost 72 lbs to date...and loving every moment of it! Have a nice weekend! And thanks, Tweedy

Hi everyone....I'm not going to be much help here...I'm still at the point where I'm not hungry, I get full fast and I puke if eat too much or too fast. Food also has a tendency to get stuck. I'm leery of trying foods because I hate throwing up. What's funny is I feel comfortable with the limited amounts I can eat and drink. It's almost like I have a broken leg and the splint and the crutches are making me feel better. Does that make sense? The few times that I have gotten brave and tried stuff I've ended up throwing up or feeling lousy so it wasn't worth it. I figure my time will come when the head hunger hits and the desire for real meals overcomes the knowledge that I will surely vomit. Until then, hugs to you all and may the force be with you! CJ

Hey CJ, Thanks for being supportive. Sounds like you are having a bit of a time getting food down and keeping it down. Nonetheless, you sound like you are keeping it in perspective in that you liken it to a splint for a boken leg. Remember, whenever you slip or just having a hard time of it emotionally...that is what the support group is for! Tweedy

This is a great post! I have to say that I am doing well, I am down 60 pounds since 7/28, just weighed in today at 237. But you know, I went into this thing knowing that I am not perfect and that the journey would not be easy. Like you said, or else I would not have needed the surgery. Most of the time I stick to my diet, but occassionally I get that craving for a crunchy salty snack and you know what I had it, after eating just a couple of chips, the craving was gone. Did I feel guilty, nope, i felt down right satisfied. Thank God I have not had to deal with the head hunger yet. Keep up the good work Everyone.

Thank God for this Board and the other July babies! It is such a comfort to know that we are all learning to walk and crawl at approx the same time. Isn't it great to have this board and each other from which to draw stength and resolve. It takes so much concentration and focus to do all t he new things we are advised to do water, vitamins, types of food. It is no wonder that we want to go back to our old automatic pilots. I am not even a drinker, but at a social event last weekend--I let myself feel deprived because I couldn't have a drink. I know the comfort of a fast food binge-what I don't know is how to make a fast wise food choice in the middle of a hectic day. Five pounds a week is fantastic! You s ure have had more success than set backs. Thank you for bringing up a topic that I shadow box with on a daily basis.

Hey Tweety, I have been around kinda in lurk mode , trying to get back to "normal." It seems as though my attitude is up and down all the time. I do wish I could turn to food, but I know better. I have tested the waters and know that I can eat sugar, however I haven't tried it in some time now, my Surgeon had a fit when I let him know I tried it. I had open surgery July 1, 2004. I did well with recovery and was back to work by July 19th because it was too boring to sit home. I exercise 5x's a week, with spinning, step aerobics, conditioning and light weight training and alas I have lost only 40 lbs! This gets me down in the dumps some days, however I know that I could not have lost 40lbs in 3 months without this surgery. So I constantly pray for me to be Content with the rewards of this surgery. I definitely understand what you mean. I fortunately, NEVER feel hungury, however at the same time, I NEVER feel full. I eat because I know I have to take my vitamins. I eat between 4 - 6 oz of food per serving. I still have at least one protein shake a day. I try to stick to foods like Salmon, Tuna, Steak, Shrimp, Eggs, Oatmeal, Flounder, Peanut Butter, Wendy's Chili, etc.... I have a pouch of steel and food doesn't bother me. I do know all too well what you are talking about with the emotional wreck. My mood changes from week to week and forget it during my "time of the month." Usually I would eat chocolate or ice cream and now all I can do is grab a tablespoon of peanut butter and crackers, I used to get the brownie bottom pie from Bennigan's!! Social gatherings are a wreck for me, and unfortunately, I am always going to them. Whether it is a family picnic or dinner, a working lunch, a sorority event, one of my husband's masonic events, a wedding, a baby shower etc..... and of course with all of this, food is always the main topic. I eat some of the protein that is available at these events but sometime I falter and try things I shouldn't. This is definitely hard, especially when some women act as though something is wrong with me or the food because I am not eating it. Leave it to women to realize I am not eating. I then have to explain that I had WLS surgery and then they understand, but up until that point, I receive stares as to why I have so little food on my plate or why I throw away food. It try not to look at this as a diet. I have dieted for most of my life and I had this surgery not to diet and refuse to think of it in that way. I know the right food choices to make, we all do. We have all been on every viable diet known and we know the right way to eat. Pizza, I have done it once and have moved on! My husband sometimes says he misses the days when we would go out and eat without thinking about where we are going what type of food we are going to eat. He also misses the desert we used to share. But this is my new way of life. Sometimes I don't think this thing is working for me, then I realize I am just being silly. I can tell in the two sizes I have lost, I can tell in my face, I can tell in my feet, my hips, I can tell everywhere. I try very hard not to compare myself with others. I am happy for everyone' success, but I refuse to let their success guide my weight loss journey. I am happy I have had this surgery. I know this tool is working for me. I am ok with losing 10-15 lbs a month, as long as I continue to lose. I will keep working on it to the best of my ability. I read everyone's responses and the funny thing is, we have only just begun!! We have a long, long way to go!! Great Post Tonia, Congrats to everyone on your success! Be blessed ~Shelly

Hey Tweedy - I don't think you fell off the wagon. You came here and asked for support, and moved on with your life. I am craving pizza terribly, but am afraid to eat it since I don't want to be sick. Otherwise I would be dialing Pizza Hut right now!!!! Like you said before it would have been 8 pieces instead of one. You have lost a lot of weight and should be very proud of yourself girl!!! Jules

OMGosh you are telling my thoughts .... and this thing is really hard. I have felt like you- I have ate pizza (was a little peeved that a sista had to sit and chew chew chew the crust****ep wondering when will things become normal???? When will I be able to eat regular food??? WHEN WILL I SEE THE CHANGE. Granted, I did this as a LAST resort.... I did it for many reasons and yes, my health was one but not the only one.... No you wont here my pointing my finger in judgement but rather extending a shoulder for comfort..... I have never ate so many freakin eggs in my life!!! I want this to work... I really do--- which is why I have become very observant of when I run to the fridge (especially since the mushy, gooyey --I have more than 10g of sugar foods are off limits now)...... My moods have swung. My frustration has risen....and its hard sometimes to come on here-read about others success-and compare it to mine... I have lost sizes and yes my face, neck, hands, arms are smaller.... BUT like that whinny butt kid who cries at the register, " I want it all and I want it right now"......... OHHHHHH..... I should go to those 6 months out and ask DOES IT GET BETTER