I'm getting scared and worried.....

My surgery (open RNY) is three weeks from today and I've just hit the wall so to speak where my emotions are concerned. I'm scared and anxious and excited all at once! I've been getting testy as of late and I guess this is all normal when you have something this big coming up! I know I'm doing the right thing as far as doing this to get a healthy life back and I know it's such a big risk I'm willing to take but sometimes I wonder if I'm not being selfish and self centered to take this dangerous chance! Guess I just need some re-enforcement and sharing from all of my other July babies waiting for surgery. At times I wi**** was just over and done with so I can get on with it...Makes ya nuts doesn't it?....Hugs...Susie

Susie, Just hang in there. You did make the right decision your life will never be the same. My surgery is tomorrow and I have butterflys but I now that everything will be o.k. It is only normal to second guess yourself but once you go through it and see the results you will be so glad and healthy. I pray for your great Father to give you strength, guidance and peace about your decision. HE will be by your side the whole way! Hugs, Tricia

I didn't get back online to give you my well wishes but I'll give them to you anyway! My prayers will be with you today! I am praying for you to fly right thru it all and to be healthy without any problems....Please let me know how everything went for you and that you're okay....Hugs....Susie

susie....its definitely normal to be nervous. my open rny in on the 19th so i'm right there with ya. i'm nervous and excited. i'll be so glad when this is over and i can begin my new life. i haven't really had any 2nd thoughts yet, just anxious. i have been having dreams though. when they started they werre something happening and the surgeon wouldn't do my surgery. now that my pre-op visit is behind me i've started dreaming that i wake up from surgery and it either wasn't done or it doesn't work. i can still eat and drink whatever and as much as i want to. we'll do fine susie...hang in there. gale

I'm scared too. Not really in a big way but it creeps up on you. I tell myself and those around me that I'm not really thinking about it and that I'm trying to just keep on moving until the big day so I can get this thing done and really get to work...but it's there. I can go from crying to screaming mad in seconds which is totally not like me but this year between the insurance company fight and the wait for the date....it ain't pretty. Something clicked for me the other day though and I've been a little better since then. I was driving to work and listening to the radio and singing this pop song about changing the way I used to be and blah, blah, blah....the song is, of course, sung to some "outside other" that gives the singer a reason to change.... Well all of a sudden it clicked to me that I was really singing this to myself and that I am the reason for me to be learning these new things and changing the way I am. I thought about how I have to say goodbye to my "old self" and I felt grief and loss. Then for just a split second I saw myself walking out of this form...like I unzipped it (my fat) and it was lying on the ground at my feet like clothes in a heep and I just stepped out and walked away. Girl, I just sobbed....I considered driving around the block instead of going into my office because I'm tired of people seeing me cry...or looking like I just finished crying. I'm not writing to you because I have any advice or expertise. I just wanted to let you know that I know what it's like. I'd be surprised if most of us didn't know what it's like. I think we just have to ride this out. Try to find some peace and some quiet and love yourself even when your too testy for anyone else to want to tolerate you. (For myself, I've also taken to praying every night that I didn't hurt anyone today that didn't derserve it). Hugs to you too Susie! We are going to be FABULOUS!!! Amy

Susie I can relate to all those feelings eveyone tells me it is normal im just 3 days from surgery hope to see you soon on the losing side take care and best wishes barb

Susie, I feel like my emotions are right on the surface too. I'm crying easily and quick to anger. It's all a reaction to stress. I really am not afraid of the surgery - I'm impatient and distracted. I want to get it over with and I want everything to be ok. It's the waiting that's getting me. Hang in there - we'll all hold 'cyber' hands..... Hugs, Nancy

Dear Susie, You are so totally normal. I am three days away from Lap RNY and today my little chin was quivering as I tried to hold back the tears...just kind of snuck up on me. You are not self centered or selfish...you've probably spent most of your life caring for and giving to your family and friends without thinking of yourself...it's a big girl thing. Taking the time to THINK about your health and your future is not the least bit selfish. You deserve to live a long and happy life. That's kind of hard to wish for if you are a very unhealthy weight...and wishing only works in the movies. The action you are taking is a way of prolonging your life. You are being provided with a TOOL to help you eat to live as opposed to live to eat. Be nice to yourself....your body has been carrying you around all of these years....it's time to lighten up...literally and figuratively! Good luck....see you on the losing side! Mary

Thank you all for your words of encouragement! It really did me good to hear from you all letting me know that I'm not loosing my mind! Today I feel much better and am feeling positive again! I knew the girls at OH would help me thru! We're a pretty tight knit group which is something to be very proud of! I am anyway! Thank you again for your kind words and if any one of you needs an ear I am here! Hugs...Susie

Susie, your feelings and emotions are right on target, I don't know what I feel most days, it's the luck of the draw...some days happy, other days scared, some days "what am I thinking?" and one I keep having is I wi**** was over so I can begin my new life. It does make you nuts, but the good thing is we all have each other.