To Tell or Not to Tell

I'm scheduled for 7/22 but haven't told more than 3 people yet. My husband and daughter know but no other family members. Do I lie and say it's for a hernia or gall bladder rather than the truth? Unfortunately they have all heard of someone who had problems with a surgery so they are not going to take it lightly. My elderly parents live close by so missing for 3 days plus recuperation time will be noticed!!! My employer still doesn't know either!

I have only told one person. I choose to keep this private. It is up to you how much you tell family. I just want it to be private and on a need to know basis....

Bonnie, Tell the truth to your family. Work people need to only know you are having surgery and that's it. If they ask what for, be honest, and tell them " I would rather not say, it's a private matter. " and believe me they won't pry any futher. Good Luck on your Journey. margaret

First of all good luck Bonnie. You are part of the INDEPENDENCE DAY GROUP. All surgeries done in July we have proclaimed as our independence day. I have chosen to do just the opposite. The general community is so uneducated about this procedure. I do not work as I am disabled however, I tell everyone. You would be surprised how many people think it is like lipo suction or something. It is a good opportunity to help other people understand the strange species that we are -- the fat ones. People look at us like that so if they are more educated about what we have to go through maybe they would be less critical. I have not had a person yet who did not embrace the idea. Well, just one my dad's sister. She was afraid I would get "too skinny". Several years ago one of their sisters had a procedure and I think she drank herself to death. I don't think it was from the procedure. She saw the discovery program about the surgery and called the other day to offer me her blessing. Once informed of the real procedure she was okay. I can see where you might be concerned about your parents. That would be a hard decision. I think that they might be hurt if they did not find out until afterwards. Good Luck. My surgery is set for July 6th so I should be up to praying for you by then.

I'm with Patti I took a stand and told everyone that listens about my journey, If we don't educate people future WLS folks will get the same response as your scared of today. Let's make the way for them a little easier maybe just maybe one of us will say the right thing at the right time and someday they'll see this as a disease not a fault. Insurance compaines beneifit from slience, don't let them win. And then there is that possiblity that I'm that 1 in 200 that doesn't make it, I want my family to know that risk up front so that the surprise factor is removed. I have said all this to say speaking up was the right choice for me, and for you it may not be but think about it, there is NO SAME in wanting a better life. Kelly

Bonnie, I, like you, have NOT proclaimed my decision to the world. My husband is the only one who knows. I have a 12 year old who is already showing signs of obesity, and I prefer she not see this as an easy way out. I will be telling her the "hiatal hernia" version with restricted diet after with hopes that she will see that small portions SHOULD be a way of life, not a "diet". When she is older, I will explain it all, but I don't want her to eat her way to oblivion assuming she can just have surgery later.... This is a very personal matter and it's your choice who you tell. Either way, do NOT heap guilt upon yourself if you choose to avoid the negative answers we all know we'll get. It's no one's bussiness but yours HOEW you choose to do this. We all know it's not easy...YOU decide for yourself. Have a safe and uneventful surgery and I hope your road to recovery is without speed bumps!!!!! Teri S.

Hi Bonnie, I'm not sure what the right answer is, all I know is that I made my decision about surgery by talking it out with very close friends and am treading softly with other people. I am working on a need to know basis. At my job I started with my direct supervisor letting her know my plan and how long I would be out. I wanted to give her every chance to arrange coverage. A week later I told the person whom I work for/with as well as the person who will pick up some of my duties during my recovery. The people I have told have been suppotive and told me about people they know who have had the surgery. I work with a staff of about 50 and know that if I don't address my surgery at some point it will wind up creating unneeded speculation and rumors while i'm out. My plan is to post an FYI/info statement on our message board the day before I have surgery, that way people can digest and discuss whatever they want while I'm not around. I know there will be some people with a negative view but I believe that the majority of people (going on what I've seen told so far) will be supportive and defend my choice. We have all made a very difficult choice to have surgery, we are courages, strong and taking control. I know I may have to remind myself of that in the face of any negative opinions, but you know what, I'm ready for anything and I bet you are too!!

hEY bONNIE!!!! YOUR DATE IS THE SAME AS MINE i JUST TURNED 50 AND i WONULDN'T TELL, OLDER FOLKS ARE WORRIED YOU MITE DIE AND THEY GET JEALOUS IF YOU ARE UNDER 35,AS LONG AS YOUR JOB DOSEN'T REQUIRE HEAVY LIFTING YOU WILL ONLY BE GONE 10 DAYS TO 14 DAYS i'D TELL THEM GALLBLADDER IWISH YOU GOOD LUCK!!!! GOD BLESS

Hi Bonnie, The decision is up to you. Regarding your employer, by law, you don't have to disclose the procedure. All your employer needs to know is the estimated amout of time you will be off from work. If you haven't completed the paperwork for your leave, I would do so as soon as possible so that your job is protected. Regarding your family, I would not lie, either tell them the truth or don't tell them at all. One option you have is to wait until after the surgery and tell them, that way you won't have to deal with negative comments before surgery, you'll have enough stress to deal with already. Good Luck to you in what ever you decide. P.S. Once you tell one family member I'm sure everyone will know. Then you don't have to worry about telling everyone. Good Luck ShaunTeah Surgery Date 7/23/04

Hi Bonnie - I tell everyone who is willing to listen about my surgery . I have had no negative reactions from anyone, and if they did, I probably wouldn't care anyways . OOPS I forgot one drunk obnoxious man at a party who said I was taking the easy way out. I figure if I can help one person by sharing my story, I did some good in the world. I know that not every family or work setting is the same, so maybe you should tell only those you feel would be supportive. Good Luck, our time is coming soon . Mea