A Little Therapy Anyone??

As many of you know, I started seeing a therapist about a month or so ago to try and get to the bottom of my eating compulsion. We haven't worked on that particular subject - I realize that there's a lot of digging to do in order to get there, but it kind of got me wondering. There are so many of us in this country with the disease(?) of obesity. Do any of you have any real insight into how you got to be obese (aside from the obvious overeating)? I know I have an addictive personality (I'm a recovering alcoholic and I quit smoking 7 years ago). I have a hard time with moderation - it's all or nothing with me. I really don't know why that is, and I guess that's part of what I have to find out. Do you think you were predestined to be obese? I tend to think there are a lot of factors that caused me to eat myself into obesity. What I hope to find out through therapy is what triggers my overeating and more importantly, how to control it. I hope this doesn't come off as me being too nosy. We've shared a lot with each other since our surgeries, but I also understand this is a public forum, so we don't have to get too personal. Love ya all! Hugs, Nancy

hugs nancy i think you hit it right on the nail head

Nancy, I will share with you what my years of therapy helped me realize was the root of my eating compulsion. I was repeatedly sexually abused from the age of 4 to about 10. My mother knew and did not protect me. Deep down I believed if I were fat, no one would abuse me--also I believed I was a bad person because the sexual abuse was my fault. It was not until I was in my mid-forties that I realized I had been sexually abused. All my life until then when I heard of children being abused I would be thankful I was not abused. Then finally during therapy I recognized that I had been abused--I did not seduce any one. I hope the root of your problem is not quite so traumatic. Sometimes we experience things as children that our minds do not understand and subsequently reach conclusions that absolutely erroneous. What a trial we often put on our children without realizing what we are doing. Good luck with your therapy. My therapist saved my emotional life much as my surgeon saved my physical life. Monna

Obesity runs in my family...on both sides. Genetically, I'm predisposed to it. As a child, my mom tried to keep us thin. We had to ask if we could get a glass a milk, soda was a no-no, and when my parents got take-out for dinner, we might sometimes get a biscuit or a tiny corner of a piece of pizza. It became such an issue for me, that when I got older, I learned to sneak food to make up for what I was never allowed to have. When I got my own job and car, I went nuts buying whatever food I wanted. That was the springboard for my food problems. Then comes the emotional stuff. As I started to gain weight, my mom made a big deal of it daily. I was always compared to my thin sisters (one now weighs what I weigh, one weighs even more), and I never felt loved. The middle sister was kind of a mess (anger issues), so a lot of time was spent on her, and I couldn't understand why they loved the mean daughter more than the fat daughter. I was ostracized by my peers, including the boys, and I was picked on all the time. That, or course, didn't make me try and lose weight...just helped me develop my binge-eating tendencies in reaction to anxiety. I would have been bulemic, but I couldn't ever throw up, no matter how hard I tried. There's a lot at work here, and I don't know that a therapist would help me see more clearly. Now that I'm older, I realize that my perception of things as a kid was way off. I wasn't any less loved...my mother was just trying to keep me from the painful life that she had led, and that I had ultimately found myself in. She just went about it in the wrong way. At any rate, I don't really have demons to work through. I just have to learn to deal with stress and anxiety in a better way. Pamela

What a great topic. My husband is a therapist. He also had WLS 4 1/2 years ago (lost 190 pounds, fluctuates +/- 8 pounds) so he understands obesity. I, too, have been feeling the urge....and submitting to it....to over eat. Why do I do this? Why do I get comfort from eating inappropriate foods? Why can't a salad or an apple comfort me? I don't know why I over-eat. I know that I like eating--food tastes good. But I don't like the "Thanksgiving full" feeling, and I certainly don't like dumping....but I still push myself to this point. Ugh....it's mind boggling. I am "back on the waggon" so to speak. I'm eating 1500 calories/day and monitoring what I eat. I am starting an exercise program next week (getting over a cold now, and have a Christmas party in January to plan, and a birthday--my son turns ONE!--so I'm starting next week....'nuff said). I've been counting calories for the first time since the surgery. After WLS I made no attempts to lose weight--what I lost came off without effort on my part, and I'm pleased with the results. However, at 5'11 I am 33 pounds above a "normal" BMI--not a lot, but not a little either. My goal is to lose 17 pounds by May 1st. The first two weeks I was 100% on target with my eating habits--a big change from eating whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I had no idea how much I was eating until I started my diary and realized how often I wanted to eat--it was embarrassing. Unfortunately, I have only lost one pound....and I even had diarrhea! I know....TMI. Anyhow, I'm back on the horse again. diana

Hey Deeno - how great to see you here!! I can't believe your little guy is going to be one! It sounds corny, but time sure does fly! I hope to see you around more often while you are trying to drop some weight. I too am trying to lose, and I find checking in here really helps. Hugs, Nancy

Thanks everyone for your open and candid remarks. I really think some of us are predisposed - Pamela, you said it runs in your family. I am really the only one in my family who could be catagorized as obese. There are certainly some overweights, but no one else that I would consider obese, so I have to believe a lot of it is caused by emotional issues. Pam - I also was a 'sneak' eater. I still have that tendency, so I try hard to not act on those behaviors. I think being aware of what we're doing is half the battle. Monna - thank you for sharing a very personal part of your past. I often wonder about being abused as a child - I do have some 'uncomfortable' memories, but nothing specific. I'm so glad you were able to work through those issues and come out shining! Deeno - I can relate to the idea of eating because it tastes and feels good. But somehow, after I eat the wrong things or too much, I feel disgusted with myself. So it's brief pleasure followed by guilt. I'm excited to continue on with therapy, but it sure seems like a daunting process. All in all, I do believe we have to take care of our emotional selves as well as our physical selves. Hugs, Nancy