ENOUGH already!

Ok...all this "venting" really needs to stop. I understand that some of you think "tough love" is the answer for those of us who are still struggling to reach any sort of goal. Honestly, it makes us (read: ME) feel crappy and angry, defensive and rebellious. Whether or not it is intended to, these posts come across as hurtful and self-righteous. I'd like to think that post-ops who have made it to goal realize that this is very hard for us and would be supportive as friends and not as a military captains. We have a tool to use, and the majority of us are trying very hard to use it correctly. We're trying to make lifestly changes that will last forever. For some of us, the lifestyle we imagine is one where we can enjoy the foods we want. It takes years of tweaking to find the right balance. We are not all destined to avoid carbohydrates for the rest of our lives (BTW, carbs and protein act opposite for me...the protein leaves me hungry, the carbs stick around for hours), not even by our surgeon's protocol. We're still trying to figure out the user's manual for WLS. And yes, I could say "We're all adults here, it's just someone's opinion, get over it." However, it's pretty obvious that it doesn't sit well with many of us. So why rub someone in the wrong direction on purpose? Anyway...I've had enough of the boot-camp style lectures and venting. Can't you tell? Cheers! Pamela

I have to say I agree. I may not be the poster child for WLS but I am very successful with it. I have lost 193 pounds. I have my issues as most do, mine happen to be food, I'm dealing with them as best as I can. I will get to my goal, maybe it will take me longer, but I'm okay with that. I am one who has a huge amount of extra skin to carry around too, so I don't know what my "true" weight would be if I didn't have that hanging around. I appreciate that all opinions are different, but can't stand to be judged or criticized because I'm not yet 140 pounds.

I've been thinking about the skin a lot lately. I can't really judge how much it weighs, but it's got to be at least 20lbs. I have a ridge of skin/fat from hip to hip. Honestly, it looks like an inner tube when I'm not wearing anything supportive, but squishes down pretty good in jeans. My arms are so bad, I can stretch the skin out and form mountain peaks...it reminds me of lemon merangue (sp?) peaks. I can't even get all the stubble shaved out because the LARGE razor gets stuck! My legs, which were faring pretty well until lately, also sag at the thighs, like panty hose that is completely stretched out. I'd like to think that my TRUE weight is 200...but *****ally knows? My husband wants me to have plastic surgery when I reach 175 because I DO have so much skin. So maybe that should be my goal. 20 or 25 lbs of skin removed would be me around 150, a number I could live with. ANYWAY, thanks for the support Michelle and Nancy! Have a great weekend! Pamela

I'm the same way. I joke that when I sit my skin spreads and I look melted because it spreads flat. I know that sounds gross but it's true. LOL I probably have about 6 inches of skin hanging from my arms. I have that same innertube around my stomach and its icky!!! It is actually causing my back to ache because of the weight of it. My boobs......oh my looks like someone stuck a pin in them and they deflated. My thighs look bad too, I have huge deflated saddle bags, it simply just looks nasty. I don't know when I'll be able to afford plastic surgery but I don't care, I'll have it someway somehow.

Michelle - you make a good point about the hanging skin. I probably have about 10 lbs. of skin; and for my age, my weight (167) is probably ok just where it is. If I didn't have the 10 lbs. of skin I would be 5'7"; 157 lbs. That extra skin will most likely be with me forever so it might be unrealistic for me to try and get to 150 lbs. including the hanging skin. I have to say I was angered by the posts yesterday and perhaps my reply wasn't as nice as it could have been. I probably should have just ignored it. We can disagree with each other, but I think it should be done in a civil way - no need to throw stones. As my mother always said, 'You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar'. Hugs, Nancy

You need to be a little like me when it comes to this. As far as MOST of the people on these boards are concerned, I've done everything WRONG since day 1...well pppfftttt funny, if my way was so wrong, why did I reach my personal goal in 40 weeks and kept on going? Don't worry about what other people have to say, you know what's right for you and what works for you. You WILL reach your goal, and then you'll work to maintain, in your own way, on your own terms. What might work for Post-op X will NOT work for post-op Z.....hell when people ask me what I do and eat to lose, I laugh, if the average person ate what I eat (especially on the way down) they'd gain, not lose. Moderation is the key, not eliminating all carbs etc from your diet....I mean seriously....I don't know about you, but I had this surgery to become more *normal* which in turn means being able to eat like a normal person. So, if everyone else can have pizza and ice cream, why can't I? All I do is have smaller servings Anyhow...don't get upset about people trying to lecture, and acting like they know better than anyone else, because in most cases, those people know absolutely nothing anyway Hugsssssssssssss and keep it up, you're doing great!

Pamela, I've seen you go through so many changes over the last 2 years. You have come a LONG LONG way and should be very proud of yourself. Not everything can be measured by the number on a scale. It's really odd and frankly kind of sad that in our society, the outside of a person is way too often used as a measure of their "success". Even in the wls community among postops. I've seen people "knock" a support group leader that was not a "normal" bmi because "in order for that person to give advice about how to do it and be successful - they need to follow their own advice". I'm paraphrasing, but WOW! When I asked if there were 2 people - one very emotionally healthy but about 25 lbs from a normal bmi or a person that was bulimic or anorexic but at a normal bmi for a lecturer - which would they listen to? You GOT it... The one with the normal bmi. Very shocking and sad. I believe with all my heart that the more important journey with our wls is the one that isn't measured on a scale. It's the one that is inside of us. How much have we changed? Are we and the people in our lives improved by our growth? That's really the important thing - not the scale... So Pamela, and all of the July babies that keep coming here, and picking ourselves up, dusting off and trying again - keep up the good work. YOU ARE SUCCESSES!!! You haven't given in to failure. You continue to grow and change in many deep and profound ways! And I sure hope that we will all continue to do just that! Irene

I think a lot of times it is US too. I know I keep comparing myself to the charts or by how I look in the mirror. The charts are crap (going by them I'm just NOW normal weight even though EVERYONE says I look scrawny...and I agree). The mirror lies because of all the excess skin. Main point is just be HAPPY. You are very successful and you should be so very proud of yourself!!!

Bobby, You are right! It often is us. When I was in the weight loss phase, I thought I looked soooo good and slim! Now I look at those pix and say - What the HECK were you thhinking???!!! And even now, I don't have an accurate picture of what I really look like - although no one is calling me scrawny... LOL! I'm buying clothes that are size 8 and they look big to me... What the heck is wrong with ME? I would have killed to wear a size 16 when I was preop - 16 was SKINNY to me back then. So how in the world can I think 8's look big? One thing that someone told me that was very helpful - ask someone who never knew you as a preop if THEY think you're scrawny... Bet they'll tell you that you look NORMAL... My sister told me that I was looking sickly and that my face was "sunken looking". I work for my surgeon and told him. He said that she is just not used to the change - that I don't look sunken or sickly. And the mail carrier that comes to the office - she never knew me preop - she just thought I was a normal, thin person... Guess it's gonna take more time for the head to catch up... Irene