What do I do?????

I had my surgery July 15th 2003. I have lost 96 lbs in 2 years!!! I now weigh 287 lbs. Although I feel great and look pretty good, this can't be it. I have gotten way off track. I still don't eat much. Just probably the wrong stuff. And I exercise at the very least twice a week. I was told to get and try the southbeach diet. I would love some, get back on track, reminder responses. I have just completeley forgotten what to do.

Honey I would say you are doing pretty good.. have you met and talked to your surgion ?? how about a pouch study ?? Does your doctor offer support group meetings ?? or fallow up nurition classes ?? I do think that you would benfit from these .. I know my doctor offers 5 years of fallow ups .. Maybe you can get in touch with others in your area that have had WLS and start a group meetings with them like once a month to talk and maybe walk with weekly.. Huggles -A-

Hi Lashawn, My surgery was one week after yours and I weighed 330 on 7/23/03. Today I weigh 153 - 160 and it varies from day to day but my size 10s continue to fit, albeit some days tighter than others. I understand your concern about your progress, or what you perceive to be your lack of success. I would feel the same way. For me, I didn't get sliced and diced to feel anything less than totally successful in this endeavor. Please do not take this as a, (what do they call it?) a, flame? It sooo is not. It is just me telling you I care about where you are....and I feel a lot of empathy for you. Recently I had a bout with drinking and scared myself silly. It was sooo very easy to get off track and focus on the wine and Mikes' Hard Lemonade rather than on protein. For 7 weeks I totally ignored my pouch and my needs nutritionally. Yikes. So, believe me when I tell you I understand how easy it is to "get off track". But, gurllll, you did not let some doc go inside you and cut your gutz up to lose 96 pounds did you? I didn't. I took this drastic measure to get to a healthy weight and be active and get a second chance at a life that totally sucked previously. I was so freakin miserable fat at 330 pounds I wanted to die. I don't want to die today, and after my temporary insanity with drinking, I am totally back on track and pray daily that I don't lose this ever again.....though knowing me I will. But, ultimately there is no one that can help me but me. And the same goes for you. Lashawn, honey, 96 pounds is nothing to scoff at....it's a lot of extra weight to shed and good for you! But at 287 you and I both know you are not where you want to be or could be. For me, and this is only for me, I had to learn to love me enough to allow myself the freedom to take care of me the way I would take care of someone else. I kicked my own butt and I exercised daily.....I gagged on that liquid protein "crap" until I would puke but I knew I had to get it in. I don't know darlin', we are very "special" people us morbidly obese humans. I just try to remember that I didn't get to 380 (at my highest) by being really tightly wrapped. We have issues or we would not have ever gone under that knife (or probe LOL) and those "issues" (FOR ME) were the "sh*t" I had to deal with before any semblance of success was going to be mine.......I pushed and pushed and pushed and I succeeded in WLS, but then I lost my feeble little mind and I have acted out to the nth degree as a post op. It's the issues - for me it's the stuff I don't know that I don't know that holds me back and the stuff that trips me up.....I understand that after the drinking.....thank God that's over for now....I just sit in amazement and wonder what will come up next with the future layers of the onion I continue to peel, that onion called Jeannie. When I know I'm off track I know it's an internal thing going on and it would be in my best interest to check inside and really be honest, rigorously honest, with myself........what is happening in my world that isn't "good" on me. Is there a relationship that makes me miserable but I won't admit it? Am I telling a lie to myself or to someone else? Am I slacking on my responsibilities to my job or family? Do I feel good about myself and if not why not? What am I beating myself or someone else up about? Many questions I have to stop and ask myself. When my hand reaches for that English Muffin instead of the boiled egg....what am I feeling right that second? These are just some things from my experience.....if any of them sound familiar good......and if not....just ignore my silly self and I will send you good luck wishes......I do know coming here and asking the question had to help some......it always does me when I get honest on some level and say - wow - help. xoxoxox

Thank you for these words of wisdom. I can so definitely totally relate to you both. I, too, have lost only about 100 pounds from 330, and have become totally frustrated and upset with myself. Last weekend (just a couple days ago), I did what you were talking about - I took a good look at myself and, yeah, OK, some things are great, but there's also some really crappy stuff I'm ignoring that isn't going to go away until I take some responsibility for my actions. As of this weekend, I poured out the wine, started drinking water ****il I'm floating) and protein, and got rid of all the junk food. I have started at the very beginning all over again: for the next week or more, I'm doing water and protein, then I'll start adding food back in slowly, and only healthy foods like meats, cheese, dairy. I also need to figure out what I'm going to do for exercise, since it's way too cold for me to enjoy walking anymore. Lashawn, I sincerely, truly hope you can figure out what's happening for you. Like someone once said, it could be a functional problem (like stoma too big, etc.) but we can't disregard the emotional and psychological side of our lives - however much we might want to. Good luck - and remember, we're here for you!

Deana, Thank you for the support and encouragement. I want to aknowledge your recent courageous step taken. I am still stone sober and still below goal. I continue to daily take an inventory of myself and get as honest as I possibly can for that day. It is the only thing that keeps my butt in the size 10 jeans I wear now. If I fail at my honesty and diligence, I know I will be 'off track' in a heartbeat. The price of virtue is diligence. I want virtue in my life for the first time in over 50 years, more than I want to run from myself and my pseudo demons. Good luck to you and if you'd ever like to 'talk' I am [email protected]

I too am post op about 3 years and not at the weight I would love to be. I am, however, much smaller and lots more healthy. I no longer have to take diabetes medication, (although I teter on the edge), and I feel better than I ever thought possible just a few years ago. I have recently joined a fitness club just for women and am getting the much needed exercise that I have neglected for soooo long. I battle the urge to eat "junk" everyday. I win some days and lose others. I try not to beat myself up over any of it. I went into this whole journey to get healthy so that I can stay around to raise my 7 year old daughter. I am a 44 year old late blooming mother. I would be lying if I said that the benefits of just looking better hadn't become important to me, but it is not the bottom line. I remind myself daily that your looks may fade over time and nobody ever DIED from not so spectacular looks but let your health steadily decline and the end result is your funeral. Just hang in there with the rest of us and keep pushing. That is, after all, what life is about. It's an endeavor from the womb to the tomb. I am just trying to enjoy all the points in between. Whan I read your comments it reminded my so much of myself that I just had to reply. Continued good luck to you. If you would like to "talk" as you put it, contact me at [email protected].

When I wrote this I was at 287. I just gave up. I am now at 311. I still eat a small amount of food but I crave sweets like a mad person. And that is putting it lightly. The last year has been out of control emotionally. Lost my sister and got a divorce. so I didn't care about anything. Then wls people started coming into my life again. And they have done well. What a rude awakening. Now my son is 14 and is overweight. He doesn't act like it (he's an athlete & let's no one beat him). But he is very big for a 14 year old. I want both of us to live. Your post was riveting. I sat with tears in my eyes wondering what to do. I JUST WISH I COULD MAKE BETTER CHOICES!!!!!!