Hanging in there...but fearful.

I am doing very well, and for the most part am very happy with my weight loss. I have lost 118 pounds since surgery July 23, 2003. I had a major complication (an ulcer perforated my pouch and cause peritonitis) six weeks after surgery. The same ulcer ate a hole into my old stomach undermining the surgery. God has blessed me and healed both the ulcer and the hole without a third surgery. Here's my problem. I am now at the weight where I have historically (in the one million diets I have been on) sabotage myself. I was sexually attacked, and my fat for the past 30 years has been my protection. Has anyone else delt with this? How? I have come so far...and I don't want to lose the ground I have gained. I don't want to "borrow" trouble, but want to be ready for it if I see the signs. Suggestions needed! Thanks!

Dear Pat, I can truly relate to "sabotage" and using fat as a way to protect oneself from sexual abuse. From what I gather, you have a faith and trust in God. He want's us to totally trust Him w/our fears. The fear that if we are attractive, we will be abused once again. This is what has kept us bound for sooo many years and miserable. This surgery was His way of delivering and healing us from what has happend to us in the past. We really have to give Him total control and trust Him for our protection. It is not God's plan to give us this freedom to let us fear again. No, we have to see Him for who He truly is, a loving and protecting God. I thank God for our freedom from compulsive overeating to deal w/our pain of abuse. May i also suggest daily submitting these fears to Him until you know for sure that you won't fall back into the trappings of sabotage. You deserve this freedom to be healthy physically, and emotionaly and to have a good self image of yourself too! I pray you stay strong in your journey to wholness. You may email at anytime if you feel the need to talk w/someone who understands. We are in this together and have an awesome God who puts people in our paths to encourage us and to get us through some difficult times. You will make it Pat. God Bless! Your Gastric Buddy, Jeannie

Thank you, Jeannie. Your words were very encouraging to me. I will be emailing you. Thank you for reminding me that my Lord is my protector.