Lacking support from spouse

Hello, I am just beginning to research the lap band procedure and my husband is dead set against it. At this point he won't even talk about it. The thought of elective surgery to him is just silly. He says there are ways to lose weight without going this extreme. Problem is I have lost weight, gained weight and it seems impossible to get to my goal!! I am moving forward with this because it is important to me but I would really feel a lot better if he was behind me. Next week I am attending an information session. I've called my insurance and if everything sounds good, I will be scheduling an appointment with my family doctor. Any suggestions would be great!! Abby

Sorry to hear that Abby. Don't reall have any advice for you with your hubby. Just make sure you give him facts about mortality rates of the obese and things the surgery will assist in getting rid of, diabetes, hbp, painful joints. I wish you luck and keep us posted on what happens. Pam

Abby, 5 years ago I was in your same shoes. Today, my hubby flipped the bill and I am set for a sleeve gastrectomy on the 21st. Hang in there...its a rough road but you have to set your mind to it and put blinders on. Have you given any thought to the fact that most men and women really with overweight spouses actually find the security in their relationship in that their spouse is over weight? My hubby has been a purring ***** cat since I set the date and it dawned on him at some point recently that THIS IS HAPPENING my life is going to change....as well as his ....Your hubby will come around....Best of luck! Jen, Miami, FL

hey my husband tried to talk me out of surgery said I should do it the "old fashion" way. he even told the doctor that---but my doctor told him what was up for my future if my weight did not come off. The doctor even told him that most people who are morbid obese may lose weight but majority of the time they WILL gain it back. Fortunately other than my weight I didnt have any other health problems YET.. When I went for surgery I was 283 and i am down to 257 already( may 23rd is my day). I explained to my hubby that this is for ME not about him. I want to be healthy for my kids so I can LIVE. He does not walk in my shoes and live my life. He doesnt go through what I do each day--The looks the fear of doing things I want to do. I am tired of not being able to play with my kids and jump on the trampoline, play ball with them, take them to the beach, ride theme park rides with them because my big butt wont fit in the seat.....I go through all this not him!!!! Well that is what I told mine. Believe me this is NOT an easy ride...Now I have to figure out the REAL cause behind my problems I cannot hide behind my fat anymore and blame my unhappiness because of being fat...When I am sad or mad I cannot eat so I have to learn to feel my emotions I dont have any thing to cover them up with anymore....... Just remember that this decision has to be yours ------ you have to do this because you want it for you-----not to try and please anyone else. Yes its hard to do by yourself with no support---mine says he supports me but --whatever!LOL... When I told him it wasnt about him or what he wanted he backed down and tried to help me out. Alot of time I think the spouse may be afraid of the change too---Alot of people do change after the surgery........Well I am through for now but I hope this helps.. Carol

Abby, he probably is scared right now-by the thought of surgery. I would invite him to come with you to a meeting. If he elects not to go, well , just give him some time. Sit down with at a later date and tell him what's on your heart, not so much your mind.If he cares he will atleast listen. Tell him how important it is to you to not only have the surgery but to also have his support. As I am learning ,all but one person disagreed or had a negative opinion about my personal decision. Some people choose to tell no one- you can't avoid your spouse though. Well I will be thinking of you. hugs-Kristin

All of your responses were very helpful. He does not want to go to the seminar with me but I will go and have even more information to share with him. I have to keep telling myself that this for me and no one else. I do not think he is insecure about my changes and how that will affect us because he has supported me always when I go on diets and excercising. I truly think he is afraid of a complication during or after the procedure and I do appreciate his concern. I was talking to someone and they asked how I would feel if I told him I wanted this and he grabbed the phone book and started looking for a doctor for me. HAhha!! I am moving forward and I will attend the session next week. If he will not listen I will write him a letter. I need him to support this because I do not think I could do this on my own. Thanks again for all of the encouraging words! Abby

Abby, I had the lap band placed on June 1st. I have been toying with the idea for a couple of years and my husband would say "oh you don't need that". I had a BMI of 35 and I was 82 pounds over my ideal weight. In all of my research I found several interesting statistics. The one that made the biggest impression is that out of all that diet only 5% will succeed, And of that 5% only 2 % of them will keep off the weight for the long term. That is only a 2% success rate. I have been overweight for 18 miserable years with so many attempts and failures I have long since lost track. I was scared at first because I kept thinking "this is crazy it is mind over matter". But it is not that simple. I needed the proverbial scales to be tipped in my favor. Therefore I had the lap band procedure. I have lost 6 pounds so far but the exciting part is that I shouldn't gain those lost pounds back. As for your husband I am assuming that he does not have a weight problem like you do. It is a lot easier to give advice than to live it. Give him time but ultimately it is your decision. I had my band placed because I didn't want another year to go and regret that I didn't have it done sooner. I wish you all the best. You will make the right decision. He may just be afraid that the dynamics of your relationship will change. But that is his insecurities. This is for you and it will make you feel better. If you need support we are all her on this site for you. Feel free to drop a note and let me know how you are doing. Good luck, Dee

Thank you for responding. I, too, have a BMI of 35 so this brings up another question...my insurance will cover if I have a BMI of 40 or 35 with co morbidities. What is considered a co morbidity? As of last year my blood pressure and cholesteral were good. The only thing I could think of is that Breast Canacer runs in my family and you are more likely if you are obese. This part is confusing to me. Did you have to go over that? Good news... as of about an hour ago my husband started talking about this. He has been doing a little research himself but it makes me feel great that he is even looking at it. By just not wanting to talk was making me feel like he wasn't taking me seriously. Its an improvement!!

Hi Dee, I'm in the same shoe, Im 5'0 at 183 lbs. And husband doesn't want me to have the surgery. But my first doc appt is July 13 and I'm going through with it for ME. Amy