How does your family react?

Hi everyone, I have a question for all of you. I'm scheduled on June 14th and I'm very excited about it. All of you are also scheduled in June, so I figure you must be going through the same kinds of things I am. My immediate family (husband-daughters) are very supportive and encouraging about my upcoming surgery. I am also close to my brothers and sister. However, they are not as encouraging and every time I see them they preach warnings of the dangers of the surgery. I am already a little nervous about taking this big step. But I know I am going to go through with it because I need to do this for my health and a better quality of life. Do you have people in your life putting out this negative energy? If so, how do you deal with it?

Hey Mary! First of all, are your brothers and sisters thin or heavy? If they are thin, they don't understand the side effects of being obese. If they are heavier, they may feel bad that one sibling is a healthy weight and they are not. Of course, they may just be trying to look out for you. I guess if someone said something like that to me, I would agree (if I knew it was one of the risks) and tell them you've been researching it for so many years and have talked to your surgeon about all of the risks involved and what percentage of those risks your surgeon has had in his practice. Normally very minimal. Also that you have looked at the wear and tear on your body from being obese and all of the side effects caused from this that the best choice for you is WLS. Thank them and give them a hug for their concern for you, but assure them that you have taken all of it into consideration before you made the decision. Pam

Hi Pamela, My brothers are slightly overweight, but not that much. Maybe 15-25 lbs. My sis probably needs to lose about 40 lbs. I don't think it is an issue of their weight vs. my weight, though. We lost a brother 4 years ago after a triple by-pass (cardiac) surgery and it was hard on the whole family. This followed the passing of our father one year earlier. (neither my brother or father were obese) I'm sure they just don't feel like they can cope with another loss. However, it makes me anxious when they talk about death as a result of the surgery. I have been researching this for a few years now and the benefits are far greater than the risks. (My rational side knows that) But my emotional side goes into a frenzy when I listen to them. I tried to tell them I understand their concerns but I am only taking supportive comments at this point. With my family, that just doesn't work. I guess I will just have to grow a tough skin. Thanks for your support.

If you know in your heart and your immediate family agrees that this is right thing, don't let anyone deter you. Surgery has many risks, but so does being overweight. You are choosing a small risk over known almost guaranteed complications. My boss questions me every time I see her, "Are you sure this is what you want to do?" I told her if I don't, I will be dead in 10 years. She has never had any issues with weight and just doesn't quite understand that it isn't all about willpower. I gave her a book I had ordered, that explains the procedure as well as why it works and why WLS may be the only thing that can help some people. You may want to try this with your family, if they don't truly understand why you have made this choice, maybe more information will help. I am OR nurse (or was for 13 years, I have a desk job now) - so I know all the risks. Surgery is scary and it should be, you are giving total control to complete strangers. BUT you have to trust that those strangers are well trained and always have your best interest in mind. It is their job to take care of you, but it is most likely their passion also. People who work in the OR have chosen that as a career and had to work above and beyond to get there. Nervousness and anxiety are normal - we always wondered about the people that said they weren't nervous. Surgery is performed hundreds of thousands times a day - you don't hear about the successes only the complications, so that is what makes everyone nervous. You can do this!

Thanks, Missy. Sometimes I just need that little extra vote of confidence from someone else to let me know I'm on the right track. You're right. I can do this. I will do this.

My husband seems to be reluctantly supportive. He is worried that I'll gain the weight back like I have always done before. However, he's trying. The rest of family and friends are very supportive, and many are excited for me.

Hi Mary, Instead of getting :angst: from :argue: with your family members-be good to yourself- take a :bath:, go to :bed: early, :dance: around because you have made a decision to better your health and well being :clap:, :cool: Some people are just :crazy: and :devil:. They sometimes make you want to :chair: and :horse:. It is important to focus on the positive :halo:, :fairy:, :haha:, :jump:, :kiss:, :love:, :party: Come to this site for inspiration and support. People have all sorts of opinions. I am sure that all of us are experiencing negativity from friends and colleagues. Yesterday, I got a lot of negativity. All I said was, "I have made an educated decision and I am sticking with it". That's it. You deserve to be healthy and happy, as do I. Focus on that. Anymore negativity and the green zap guy will get them!!!! :zap: We are here for you. Stay focused! :thumbsup: :wave: Carol :type:

Thanks for the support, Carol. I'll give you and the green zap guy a call if they don't let up. LOL