HELP!!!!

My life has fallen apart within the last week. Personally, it is as if I have a target on my back and everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. And I realized something very important...I've chosen to give up my drug of choice - food. After a piece of really, really bad news this afternoon, I wanted so bad to go to Taco Bell and just eat whatever and drink the largest COKE ever. Of course I couldn't, instead I pulled over and just cried...I cried because I didn't know what else to do. I am having withdrawls bad, I don't want to eat, I can't eat, but I miss the comfort of eating. I don't know why I am writing except that I need to get it out. My husband has been so supportive and he is hurting too. I cannot express to him how weak I really am! In addition, I've been known to sleep eat - honestly, I would cook whole meals and eat them while sound asleep, especially in times of high stress. Well, now I am afraid to sleep too soundly for fear that I will sleep eat and hurt myself doing so. Please pray for me and for my family. Thanks so much...I really appreciate all of the posts I read. You all know where I'm coming from and where I'm going.

I can understand how you feel and wanting your comfort drug! I think you're doing exactly what you're supposed to though, you're journaling, you're CRYING (I never did before surgery) and you're leaning (at least a little it sounds) on a loved one. ALL HEALTHY alternatives... Here's where we all stop and CLAP for you because you're doing exactly what most of us have to do. You're learning to cope without your drig of choice, and you're doing it... you're making it. I wouldn't worry so much about cooking in your sleep. The worst thing that's going to happen is you'll get sick. I don't think you'll hurt yourself. Also - could you put some "roadblocks" in your way to keep you from heading to the kitchen? Such as locking your door, a chair in the way, lock up the fridge?? We use child proof locks on our fridge - don't know if that would help? Just thoughts. But most of all - HUGS to you, you're doing everything you should be and I wish you continued success with your journey and life in general. Know you're not alone - I've been struggling with this myself, and learning right beside you. HUGS, Tink

Cyndi, I think you had what is called 'a defining life moment'. When that realisation hits you that you can't reach for your drug of choice to make things feel better. I believe all the pain, worries, eating next to nothing etc pales into significance when that moment hits you. This is where non-eating strategies to deal with emotional upset come into play. You have reached out - one strategy. You have cried - another strategy and a great stress release. However, there will be times and places that you can't do that. Start looking around to see what suits you. For some it is breathing and/or relaxation exercises - ones that you can do even when you are standing in the middle of a crowded elevator and no one knows you're doing it. Positive self talk is another - tell yourself over and over again how far you have come and give yourself lots of credit. For others its distraction - walking, housework, gardening, reading etc. Try and find a phone pal - someone you can ring up at the drop of a hat and they will listen. I know people who will use a crisis line like Lifeline, just for an 'ear' for ten minutes. Its anonymous and they know those people are not in the middle of doing something else. Journaling is good - it gets it all out. You are not weak. What you have done is life changing. You have given up control and that takes courage. That demands respect from all around you. Our lives are peppered with disappointing, sad and even tragic events and we have to learn to deal with them. If you have kiddies you can also pass on to them how to handle these events in a healty manner. Good for you for not stopping at Taco Bells. You did well

Thanks all for your responses. This has been a really tough time emotionally for our family - and I really appreciate all of your thoughts, prayers, and good advice. I will get through this, without "food" to get me through. I did go to Taco Bell last night with my hubby. I had the pintos and cheese cup and an applesauce I brought with me. It was a treat - and I didn't miss all the other stuff. I couldn't get it all down, but that was OK. I needed to know that I could do it and not feel "left out" or "deprived". Guess what - food doesn't have the hold it once did on my life. I will continue to rely on the Lord for help through these trials...thanks for all the prayers. God will help me beat my food desires - and help our family through this devestating time.

Cyndi, I can totally relate! However, I noticed that you had already lost 30 pounds as of your 3 week checkup, and that is so fabulous! Your BMI has already dropped significantly! You are doing great, girl! Thank God the down moments pass and the up moments flow. You are so lucky to have a loving, supportive husband. Don't worry so much...you are doing very very well! I have been in that spot too...it will pass. Hugs, Sher Lo

Hang in there. There are many of us going through the same emotions and weaknesses. It is good for you to express this. Be proud for every step you make, no matter how small.

You may want to look into seeing a therapist that specializes in eating disorders.... or maybe even looking into an overeatern anon group. There are also a lot of good "self-help" books about overeating as well as changing habits.... bariatric centers international has a series of booklets that are good that can help with all the post-op stuff some of us go thru. I have their "exchanging habits" booklet and its very helpful. Basically you have to reteach yourself how to respond to situtations that previously you responded to by eating... its not easy and it takes time but in the long run it will help