Dearest Pam, I too really appreciate and admire your honesty and insight in this post. I really struggle to get the weight off. I am clean and sober for 5 years. I first got into trouble with substance abuse with diet pills to control weight as a teen. During my first two years of sobriety I put on 150+ pounds!! I also smoked alot. As preperation for WLS, I gave up smoking. I have lost about 130 pounds. I don't know exactly because I am deathly afraid of the scale!! To make a long story short, I have recently had alot of "issues" surfacing. I believe it is because I am not numbing my feelings with smoking, substance abuse or food. I have really reached out more to my home 12 step group and am taking a more active part in my recovery once more. But I get scared. Scared to relapse in any of the areas described above. Scared to not be a sucess at WLS!!! Scared of the unknown! I think this journey is a trip...full of self discovery, growth and change!!! Your willingness to acknowledge your truth is a breath of fresh air. Our stories are so different but I can so relate to what you have to say. I find myself wishing I could become addicted to being thin no matter what the cost. Isn't that silly? I am so grateful for this surgery and this chance to learn a new healthy way of life. So hang in there Pam! Use whatever resources you have to stay healthy physically, emotionally and spiritually. We all believe in you. You are exactly where you are supposed to be. There is much wisdom in what you share. Love, Diane

Hi Lisa! Good to see you on this board. Hope you are doing well. Any news to share?? Hugs, Lucy

Hey Pam if I had lost faster, I know I would have been right there with you. I'm not too thin, but I still don't believe I look good. All it takes is one look at these thighs and I'm ready to hit the plateau buster. I made a deal with myself not to loose anymore with diet and I fight everyday to keep that promise. My PCP also made me promise not to loose anymore with diet until after my second plastic surgery. She warned me that if I get too low I wouldn't be able to maintain that weight and would then want to diet to get back down. So her BIG warning was to let me know that Karen Carpenter didn't die from Bulemia, she died from heart failure associated with the ups and downs in her weight. This is why I still see my psychologist every few months. He knows I have perception problems, and we're working on it. If I didn't work on it, I probably would end up too thin. However, lucky for me - black people tend to not want to get real thin and I'm lucky because I want to be muscular which will hold some weight on me. Good Luck Pam - and PLEASE - above all else, stay healthy!! Sharyn

Hey Kerri My recovery had a bump, but still progressed on time. My abdominal area still gets a little sore - from all of the muscle tightening. But I'm feeling great and I'm hoping to get some 5Ks in before it gets horribly cold. Keep on inspiring me!! Sharyn

Sharyn~ Good for you!!! Congratulations on your continued weight loss. You're below 150...too !!! Love ya, Kerri